New Here. I'm painfully shy, yet a risk taker.

[ScaredAndShy]

Greetings everyone, this is my first time here.  Cheers!

I live in Columbus, OH, USA.  I've been with a few guys over my lifetime, about 5 or less.  I first started doing hookups when I was in middle/high school.  First guy I ever hooked up had a huge bent cock, real pretty, although I didn't think it was pretty at the time.  Man I will tell you what... when we first met, it was just as friends, no intention for doing anything bad.  He was so freakin cute that I couldn't contain myself.  He had the cock and I wanted it bad.  I threw myself upon him and forced my hand into his pants.  He pushed away and was angry.  After some heated words he thought about it and dropped his pants and thrusted his cock in my mouth.  I was so freakin happy.  All I wanted to do was suck his cock but he had other plans.  He told me to bend over the kitchen table (his parents weren't home btw) and he put that beautiful cock in my ass and bred me even though I asked him not to.  I didn't realize he had.  I couldn't understand why when I farted this white stuff was oozing from my ass and smelled weird.  I didn't realize until well into my adulthood of what he had done.  Freaked me out for the longest time because I thought I had some kind of STD.  Wasn't until like 15/20 years later that I finally had the nerve to go get tested.  We ended up hooking up 1 or 2 more times after that (always to satisfy him and never me).  I remember one time when his parents came home and he rushed my ass out the back door and told me to run!  He had been raw fucking my bare ass at the time and I didn't have any pants or underwear on.  I struggled to get my feet/shoes into my pants as he was forcefully pushing me out the back door.  lol  I didn't get my legs into my pants until I was outside.  He told me to run!  Oh my god that shit was funny.  I was struggling to get my pants and underwear up past my ankles.  My underwear got got all twisted and I couldn't get anything past my knees.  Keep in mind that we lived in a small town where there were many houses behind his house.  I'm almost certain somebody saw me.  Once I reached the gate I stopped, untwisted my underwear and got my pants up.  lol  I walked from that point on.  I was happy and no longer in panic mode.

Before getting tested, I ended up sucking off 2 guys, one with a cockring removed (I swallowed his load) and a fat guy who I asked to cum all over my face, and cum on my face he did with a fierceness and force of a thousand flies.  It was a massive load.  I remember leaving his place with his load all over my face as I felt it slowly run down.  I slurped up some of his cum that was around my mouth and tasted it to see what it was like.  I quite enjoyed the taste of his cum, whereas the dude's load that I swallowed a week earlier was nasty which resulted in me gagging.  I got in the car and looked at the cum all over my face.  I was so happy and proud.  As I drove home I decided to make a stop at the McD's drive-thru.  At this point so much of the cum was drying or tried, resulting in this weird stretchy cracking feeling.  Nonetheless, I went through the drive-thru and got the strangest looks from people.  That made me happy.  I drove home and very quietly went into my apartment as to not wake my roommate and carefully went over to the bathroom to clean up my face.  Mind you that my roommate knew nothing about what I had been doing nor did he know I was bi.

I also met up with a another guy who was poz but undectable and really wanted me to shit on his face.  And so I did. I ended up getting bareback'd from him.  He never ended up cumming at all because he was freaked out that my roommate was going to come home at any minute and catch us (I told him we only had 30 minutes before my roommate would come home).  He ended up bailing only 10-15 minutes in.  That was very disappointing.  You would think the thrill of getting caught would be a turn on but I guess for some guys that's a turn-off.

I got tested a few years ago and everything came out neg and clean.  I haven't been with any guys since a year before I got tested.  I got tested again earlier this year and the results are clear.

So why am I sharing all of this?  Well, let's just say that there's been many hookups that I just didn't follow through on.  I am painfully shy and scared and I chicken out too many times to actually have any fun.  I consider myself an exclusive bottom although recently the idea of topping has finally been attractive.  I'm bi (as I mentioned above) and I'm mainly attracted to women, as I don't find the majority of dudes attractive.  However, I am attracted to cock and balls.  Oh man do I love low hanging balls.  If I can find a beautifu, passable transwomen, I'd be set for life, having the best of both worlds.

I want to meet up with dudes and have fun (I prefer to never see a dude's face, whether he be masked or whatnot).  I've thought about going to Club Columbus (men's bathhouse) and just being a total whore but, well, that won't ever happen without help.  lol  There's a strong passionate desire there but too scared and too shy to do anything about it.

Recently I've started doing risky behavior.  I've started completly getting nakked in public restrooms (the kind without locks that have multiple stalls) when nobody's around.  It's usually late at night (reduced foot traffic) and I go to the main door and start masturbating right in front of it, balls out.  The feel and risk of somebody opening that door and getting caught turns me on and I end up cumming fast.  Fuck that turns me on right now.

*Sigh* I want to find somebody who's down for what I want but who is incredibly patient.  I'm not a skinny or fit guy.  I'm 275 lbs at 6' 6" with a Grade F ass.  I'm starting to go work out at a gym local to me (Planet Fitness) so I can get back in shape.  I'm a white guy, 38 years old, and I used to have an average cut cock size but when I put on weight, it kinda shrank a bit.

Let me share with you some of the types of porn I look at because eventually this is the stuff that I want to do.

Bareback creampies, throatpies, glory holes, understall, transgendered, sex or showing off in public and woods, stealthing, anonymous, BDSM, CBT, and cum in the eye, nose, and mouth.  These are just a few catagories that I enjoy.

I would love to find somebody who would go with me to Club Columbus or be super discreet and patient about hooking up.

Anyway, now you know a bit about me.  Sooo.... yeah, cheers!

[ScaredAndShy]

Also, I have IBS which doesn't play well at all with bottoming, which is really fucking irritating!