What am I doing here?

[TaKinGDeePanal]

On 9/27/2022 at 9:51 AM, cuminfrombehind said:

I'm sort of in a confused, yet curious state of mind, and it's lingered for many years and now I need to understand what or why.

A little background...  straight (i think), married 20 years, pretty good shape, loved pussy my entire life.
Before we married, my wife introduced me to anal play, and I loved it.
She rode my hard cock with her ass, or she would employ a variety of toys on my hole..
Something about the way it feels to be opened...  
One time she even applied vapo rub on the ends of a double dildo, slid one end in my ass and the other in hers and we grinded out ass cheeks against each other for an hour.
Still, during those times, I felt strictly hetro, gay or bi sex never entered my thoughts.
After a few years we married, and suddenly all the ass play seemed to go away, she was not into it anymore. I kept a few dildo's around, and the times when I had to travel for work, they kept me company.
Then a few years ago, I watched a video or two featuring guys with absolutely beautiful, big, hard, throbbing cocks, and how they dominated women's asses and pussies and the curious side of me started browsing gay bareback videos and i was mesmerized and hard as a fucking piece of iron. I probably watched 200 video clips that day, with a nice fat buttplug in me, and came all over myself...  
I started tasting my cum, and found i liked it.
I started having fantasies of finding myself in certain situations when I am confronted with a huge hard cock and having to decide what to do about it.
Nowadays, I think of cock all the time.. every day, and I wonder what it would feel like, taste like.... I get incredibly stiff just thinking about it and a tell myself I wish I could experience just once in my life what it would feel like being filled, stretched and fucked silly. I don't want to be a bitch, and I am not romantically or physically attracted to men, not at all.
Just cock.
I wouldn't even know how or where to have such an encounter.
And as a newbie here, reading some of the content here, there is a real concern of coming across the wrong person with the wrong cock and learning about aids or std's the hard way.
All I want is to have one beautiful, incredible, unique experience where for a few hours I actually live the life of a feminized, slutty, horny as fuck cock slut, being teased, encouraged, forced, coerced, whatever, to suck and be fucked by a delicious large, throbbing cock full of hot cream.

Ugghh,
Why do I feel this way? How do I stop thinking about cock? 
What am I missing in regards to COCK???

Please advise, trying to sort this out.

Thanks

 

Do you love her? Does she love you? If yes to both, maybe ask her if she would be open to a 3rd in the relationship, provided there are ground rules. If she agrees, you both stay happily married - and you both get what you need. Maybe she likes the thrill aspect of someone (either M or F) who isn't married to her taking her hot little ass - and you also get to be fucked (some girls are REALLY good with strapons - and these days they can have a hollow tube where the urethra would be). If she can be talked around, maybe she'd like to be tied up and watch the vids while her ass gets drilled.

 

[cuminfrombehind]

I would like to take a moment and thank you for sharing some insight and wisdom in regards to my plight.
I definitely will not jump in blindly or make dumb or risky decisions in we quest to experience cock lust.
Thank you kindly