One of the thoughts that has been going on in my mind is the feeling of meeting someone from the past. Quite recently, a friend turned pale after bumping into his ex, someone who seems to be holding on to a hope… As the party moved on, the ex kept hovering around, stealing words, touch, hugs, even a dance or two, wherever possible…

What kept bugging was not the ex’s apparent inability to let go, but my friend who went weak… Later he tried to deny a sudden gush of old feeling, but there it was. Out in the open, in his face, in his actions, in his eyes.

A quick dipstick study amongst some online in Kuala Lumpur Gay Group I manage, made me realize that no matter how much you say you have moved on, and even having a new partner in your arms, doesnt necessarily stops you from going back. A road that you thought you had lost the route map of. Some friend of mine squirm, pout, bitch and sulk at the sight of an old fling around… and the rest just look on. But everyone of them hits back on a sudden, quick moment of emotion. Sadly, when I look back at the prospect of meeting anyone of my ex’s, I just couldnt stop doing a post-mortem instead. Somehow, no song hits back.

Difficult as it is, very few of my friend seem to have actually the power to smile and take it casually. Most just avoid. What bugs me is that, would it be really tough to just shake hand as a friend, taking the touch as just an old feeling revisited. After all, its just something we were familiar with, and something we know would (probably) not be back anytime…

Maybe one of my best friend R*** does it best. He keeps putting on the practical angle. But then, not everyone can do. And so, all across from the other side of the room, when you find a familiar awkward face, the heart skips a beat. Maybe pain and anger gushes out, but also a deep pain lurks around. Maybe a strong drink, grass or drug keeps it down… but the song plays on …

What’s with the Tummy?

It was funny to see the obsession behind the tummy amongst all those around me. Whilst most are clear in their online profiles that they want Tummy less, oddly enough I see most guys in local saunas in KL with healthy body and satisfied looks. And its not that they were picked up by someone who packed some pounds of extra fat of his own around his waist, but many a times by those who seems could do with some fat on their bones. I thought of dismissing this observation to Fetish. You see a year back I was seeing this guy, who seems to be quite interested in the accumulated fat around the waist then. Well, I agree that everyone may not be that accommodative and have wants, but how would you like if after sex, or even during, your partner pulls the skin so hard that you feel like punching the daylights (or nightlights out of him… well… sadly, i also couldn't resist sometimes. Anyway, that's another story. Now the fat and the guy are distant memory.

But this recollection got me thinking. 6 pack, 28 inch waistline…

Survey Time: I asked 10 guys – 5 tops and 5 bottom (not a good sample, but cant help it)… not sure what would be the confidence level here, but… only 1 of my bottom friends said that he wouldn't mind a top with a paunch… he found it hot… hmmpphh… sad survey.

Well… for a moment, I felt bad for all the chubby, 36+ waistlines… I am sure my dipstick wasn't accurate, they sure are with someone. When I was in India and now in Malaysia, I often found guys with great bodies with a boyfriend, who frankly, don't have such a great body or looks. Its after all in the sex and person, maybe the bank balance, I told myself.

I couldn't deny my attraction to food. I am foodie.. I trip on good food… chocolates, cakes, cokes… and while my then partners didn't mind stuffing me up, the apparent longing for a Tom Daley waistline didn't go either … Irony!!!

In any case, I found that not everyone seems to have my passion for food… of course, a lot of guys eat, drink and work out like hell… body consciousness has to be high among gays…

Tragically, working out seems to be such a big work to me always… then of course, a lovely pal (Angel) redefines what one calls – body beautiful. Though he could easily be termed as well developed, his star quotient doesn't makes it out of place. And so when he is at the party, he carries him so very well, that actually guys take a second look. And not the mockery filled ones, but real admiration ones…

Huh! That's the best part. What do I sacrifice. My weakness for food… or my obligation to my partner’s need for a turn-on body…

Well, as Angel inspires me… its all about how you carry yourself. And well if my torso doesn't exactly helps… well what to do … at least my chocolate fantasy wont fade away someday …

Hmm .. this philosophy might not work with everyone… as a friend once lectured me on the importance of not being single… well… right now my thought is… if I have to starve and sweat to keep my boyfriend in my bed… well… i would rather choose not to …

After all… waist is not all that one can offer .. Right !

Xtreme Passion … A Bed for Three

Invitation for threesomes always gets me rattled. Not that I am totally ignorant of it, I just dont get the trip in it. And for those of you well aware of the growing CF-situation in Asia, would know that 1-1s are becoming a thing of the past amidst chem sessions.

Well… talk about being kinky… but threesome just doesnt gimme a kick.. however, sometimes they can be a surprise. There is this guy who has been after my ass for long. So one day, I decided to take a good look and started a serious chat, and lord be praised, out comes a straight question - can I ask another friend of mine to join? Well! He might have been desperate or he was well experienced to know that after a while when high, you need someone else to engage while you re-energize!

Threesome and multisome still remains a major attraction in sex, and surprisingly, it continues to be a suggestion to bring change in one’s sex session. Somehow, I cant help wondering where to place the concentration or rather whom to concentrate on. After all, there would be favourites. The best part is, someone once asked me for a threesome so he can have me in front of his boyfriend and I hit it off with the boyfriend more. Lol!

Someone I recently had a lovely chat while puffing but without having to engage in cheap sex, told me that he would rather prefer a foursome to have an equal distribution of attention than a threesome where one person always might get left out. I could sense that in dark saunas where multiple guys engage in orgies, the issue about attention doesn't arise. But when you are hosting a session at home or somewhere, does it stay on top of your head to ensure everyone is being taken care of?

Well, in case you are thinking… I did have threesome … but you know what … it felt much much better with just one guy… Maybe its just me … but somehow .. thats what it was…