Are there activities you like sexually more than others?
LIKEY (PREFERENCE)
Are there certain activities that you'll participate in but don't really favor?
NO LIKEY
Are there activities which you simply will not participate in and there is no negotiation about it?
LIMITS/ABSOLUTE NO

I'm willing to bet that not a single person reading this hasn't been asked at some point: "what are you into?" or "limits?"  Back in the day and before more kinks were out in the open, this used to be a way to determine if someone would bareback.  Today, it's less about that and more so trying to determine if someone would fuck without a condom and more what COULD occur.

And even if something could occur (say, WS), maybe you are good getting it in your ass and sprayed all over you but don't prefer swallowing it (like me!).  

I've learned a lot about BDSM recently, and written about it here, and that reflecting made me realize something:  it is far more energizing, limit-pushing, and boundary busting when people know these limits and preferences and agree to uphold them.  It actually allows you to let go of any concerns you might have that things go out of hand as opposed to worrying that something might go too far.

Take the WS example:  my response to the question might be "love WS" and the other person might interpret that as "I can do ANYTHING involving piss."  So, while I'm blowing the guy, all of a sudden, he pulls me forward by the back of my head and starts to piss down my throat.  I know why I don't like that and why I don't want to do it, but we're in a dom/sub situation and I can't speak.  I have to recoil and pull myself away.  Vibe on ice at this point.  "I don't really like to do that.  Makes my stomach upset."  Nothing makes dicks hard while in the midst of hot sex like talking about an upset stomach.

A more extreme example:  "No Limits!" or "Anything goes!" is a common response to the "WU into?" message.  Responding this way is a blank check to people and in certain social circles and sexual situations, that can be abused or at least become uncomfortable.  I have twice been in such a situation - where the nature of what I thought was happening.  I may have said yes to everything that transpired after but in both cases wasn't asked, didn't have the option, and was incapacitated to the point where I couldn't respond.  Much of I take accountability for because I didn't establish my limits.

A core principle of BDSM is communication and consent; consent requires some specificity.  This is especially true in enhanced situations.  And I'm not saying you should be a hardnosed teetotaler about limits and I've had really great eye-opening experiences going past them, but it's good to know where those limits are so that YOU can adjust them.

I start with my list if it's anything more than anon hookup.  Given there's time for an arranged hookup, good to talk about things.

What I learned about writing The Trunk and the Cage was how thoughtful the 3 Doms were about the limits/preferences conversation and how it was absolutely upheld.  Once I got used to what was happening, it was so much easier to know they were watching out for those limits, which made me able to let go and relax even more.

And believe it or not, now that I've folded this into hookups, it's a fuckton easier to just go with the flow and enjoy it and turn-up!

I have fantasies about non-consensual sex, about being pushed well beyond my limits, of being kidnapped, etc.  Many of us do.  And I used to say things like "No Limits!" cuz it sounds better than a bulleted list of things that are and are not okay.  

FUCK THAT!!  Some dom top knowing exactly how far he can push me without any stress on his part makes it so much easier to FUCK ROUGH AND RAW without hesitation lingering at all.

Limits and boundaries create far more potential to really push your limits.

Here are my preferences and limits as of today - it's a living document...