So, I was online surfing on A4A & bbrt, not really looking but open to something. It was my last week of class before finals so I knew I could get away with partying if it happened. I had been talking to a guy who I was very interested in meeting. He seemed like was interested in helping out with a fantasy of taking a rig & getting gang banged raw by a group of guys (about 10 max). He seemed to be on the same page as me. I realize that my definition of submissive is different than most people, something that seems to happen in my life, but usually the right thing to do is to try to clarify so there are no mistakes or hard feelings. I did tell him that I wanted him to be in charge & that he would have complete control because I'd be in his sling & blindfolded as well possibly bound. AGAIN, this doesn't necessarily mean "anything goes" to me, & I was pretty clear about that. He disagrees, & seems to follow a doctrine of "If I have the control, I get to do whatever I fucking want", which is just simply not a good way to treat a sub in my opinion, especially a nervous novice sub who is trying something new.

I did tell him I wanted the rig to be a surprise, & that I would “forget” that we discussed it. The truth is no matter the slight miscommunications I noticed, I liked the guy, he seemed to be on the same wave length with me & also seemed to have the experience I was looking for to give this a try. I didn't want to get hurt or go to the hospital, again (first time I rigged I was given way too much & it lasted for 4 days, my kidneys were damaged slightly & had to get treated with I/Vs as well, so there is some hesitation & needs trust. I told him this.)

He said he would have it all "set up" for Saturday night. The next day we got into a conversation about it & he mentioned money. I was at first caught off guard because there was no mention of money and I did express my financial situation was pretty non-existent at the present time & I assumed that he'd have the supplies needed because most of the guys that pnp usually do & don't mind sharing it. I admit it is a little presumptuous to presume that and did feel bad for doing so. He then proceeded to refuse to do it & meet up unless I "chipped in", I told him I wanted to but I had no idea of what it cost or how much was needed, and could maybe come up with like $10 if that would get enough to make a rig. I told him I MIGHT be able to get up $20 but to be honest that would have cut into my gas & cigarette fund for the week. He seemed non responsive & distant & I sort of just decided to let it be & move on. I knew I was being risky doing the rig & I didn't know him very well, just seemed like I might have been better off leaving it alone & saving that experience for a better time, with someone I felt more comfortable, trusted & in a setting that was more ideal, i.e. a CCBC type resort with a sling room, on a busy weekend so I could maximize the number of loads in my hungry hole!

So, as I was saying above, I was surfing the hookup sites, seeing what was going on & then I get this message from a recent Texas transplant asking me "Do you want to parTy?" I said sure if he didn’t mind sharing because I didn’t have any cash at the time & he was what I look for in a guy, decent build, white, cut, vers or top, open to raw... I had planned to meet a top @ 8ish that night, & told him I could call him when I was done. He agreed & ended up texting me first because the top took longer than I figured. I went over to Tex's place & we immediately got into the clouds. He was one of those fun guys that encouraged big hits & lots of them, which is a turn on though I kind of don't understand why. Maybe someone reading this can explain that to me?

We started to play but, as usually happens, he was on his phone checking out Grindr for other guys. He seemed very specifically to be only finding & showing me black tops, something I am not against per se, but is not my preference. I know he knew that & probably got a bit of a rush getting me twisted & taking a BBC for him to watch. I get that. I find that kind of hot too on some levels. It’s fine in moderation.

So, we found one, & invited him over.

I got the immediate vibe that they knew each other even though they said they didn't. Then I get a text from rigGuy, asking what I was doing. I was interested in meeting him & so I asked if he could come by & the TexasTwister said sure. He wanted me to send pictures of what we were doing, so I posed with both their cocks on hole and sent it to him. It took rigGuy a little while to get there & then he refused to use mapquest for directions so we had to literally tell him step by step how to get there, which he did not do correctly & got lost a few times. At one point he was kind of aggressive & a little rude to us as we tried to give him the right directions (which he must have written down wrong initially). Anyways, he FINALLY got there & he got into the clouds & offered us some G that he had. He had NEVER mentioned that previously in all out conversations. Even when he said he had "a little t" that he would save for Saturday night, which changed to “how much money you got” a day later, he made no mention of even being into that. I agreed & we did some. It seemed like a rather high amount, 2.5 or 2.7 on the eye dropper tool, but I had done that much before & been ok.

We all played around, the black shot his load into me & took off. They all took turns raw fucking me and I was in pig heaven for a while, feeling good and getting my hole plugged like I need it. The other two seemed more interested in laying back after a while, so I kneeled on my hands & knees, ass facing them & rigGuy played with my hole with a decent sized but not abnormal dildo. We did that for a while until the g started to kind make me lose my focus and make it hard for me to balance. It seemed like they were just lying there waiting for me to pass out or something. They also seemed to know each other, which they pretend/claimed they did not; I honestly can't say, but there were a lot of coincidences that night. They both fucked me a little more, I honestly don't recall if Tex came in me or not, I think he fed me a load or two orally. I thought I saw a little wireless type camera in an oddly placed bushel of flowers in a large vase on a column pedestal that was placed right outside the bedroom door & in direct view of the bed where we did all the partying & fucking. I meant to take a closer look but never got the chance. Things kind of winded down, they had a few brief conversations while I struggled to maintain my attention to it. I could catch some of what they said, in a sort of code about things that seemed to pertain to me, but I really can’t say for sure what they were talking about. This has happened before a few times & I know it’s not imagined. I sort of just let it go though, because I know if I call them out they will deny it & try to make me feel crazy & imagining it, & I just didn’t have it in me to argue. There was enough inflection in their voice & careful pronunciation in their delivery that told me something was probably up! It doesn't take a genius to put that much together.

So rigGuy, or better yet, AAAsshole with the GHB, aka AAA, texted me from the bathroom with "L you'd should bum hole with me" which he corrected to "Come home with me & let me duck you some more I want to cum & I want to give it to you" I was eager for it, I wanted his load earlier! I really did think he was kind of a nice guy even if at times he seemed to be mocking me with Tex. I also find that silence that these guys give off, with no activity, but silent staring that makes me uncomfortable; like they are waiting for something to happen, like for me to pass out. I ask what they are thinking about and get nothing usually. I ask what can I do to please them and they sort of just laugh and say nothing. Just something about the way it is, not all the guys do it, but there is a smattering of similarity there that goes beyond just being high, these guys are definitely thinking something they don't want to say to me.

We get to AAA's place & undress, he stopped at a QT & got us both a Gatorade & we chatted briefly while he ate. He said let’s go upstairs & to leave my stuff there. I did leave my clothes behind, worried they would be gone or items removed from the pockets. We got upstairs & he began preparing another dose of g for us in little cups. It was hard to see what he was doing but I did noticed it looked like he mixed three things into at least one of the cups, I am not sure if he had just a small amount of g in one bottle & then had to tap into another stash or not, but I did get that feeling of uneasiness again. I was still pretty buzzed though so the uneasiness was easily dismissed & I took it. He then wanted to put on music & we fumbled around for about 20 mins trying to get it going. Then he said "If you want to do a little more g, now is the time". I considered it but there was something about the way he said that that bothered me enough to decline it.

He then proceeded to pull out a tripod & a light & an umbrella to set them up with his webcam. I was feeling kind of buzzed from the g & found myself having trouble expressing that I was not comfortable with camming & even though I wanted to ask can we NOT, I ended up going along with it. He set up a pillow & a towel on the bed & positioned so that my face would not be in view of the cam at least, & he fucked me for a while. A few guys watched us but then we took a little break. We started to chit chat about Religion & the Sumerians culture. It was interesting and engaging, even though I had a hard time conversing intelligently because of the g; which I think perhaps was his way of seeing how buzzed I was before he moved on to the next phase of his plans for me. I am unsure if the cam was still broadcasting but if it was I know my face was definitely visible at times, which makes me uncomfortable.

He woke up his screen and shortly after he had guy in a leather vest with leather armbands camming with us. The guy did nothing and just seemed to be watching, if it was a still image I do not know. AAA said "This guy is fucking crazy" & I now know that he was referring to me to leather guy! What a fucking AAAsshole to be like that! Then he suggests we set up his sling. I helped him with it, thinking he was just going to fuck me some more & give me that load he offered, but once the sling was up he broke out four or five various sized toys. 3 or 4 of them were huge dildos, the biggest one just about the girth of a 1 liter soda bottle. The others were slightly smaller & he had two sets of boli beads. I got that feeling of uneasiness & tried to say I wasn't into it, but the g made me of easy & I ended up going with it, thinking that if/when he got to the larger sized ones I would say I wasn't into it & he'd be cool about it. We got through a couple of the smaller dildos, & fucked he me a little in-between, then he worked on getting the beads in me.

He told me to push out & being that I have zero to little experience with ass muscle control & play I had a hard time pushing instead of squeezing. Eventually I sort of got the hang of it, but it was difficult. He told me that was my "training". I can't say it was unpleasant. I was actually pretty turned on with it & it was hot watching from the mirror above me.

He then got to the second to bigggest of the toys, & I was very unsure about it, I wanted to say no, but I also had confidence that he would take it easy & I might be able to handle it, which I did & it made me feel hot & sexy. I had to ask him to slow down a bunch of times but he did & it was going pretty OK, I would have been content to just leave it at that & just relax & let him play in my hole with that toy, but instead he pulled it out & then moved on to the largest one.

Immediately, the last dildo strained my hole at the slightest pushing in. I knew it wasn't going to make it all the way in without really hurting me & was getting ready to stop him, putting my hand up a few times to tell him to slow it down! I was getting more & more uncomfortable & I knew I had to put it to an end. He did manage to get the head it in me, & gave me a few strokes of it for a while, but he kept trying to get further in & it was starting to hurt & feel more uncomfortable. I finally said to him that I had to pee, & quickly got up & went to the bathroom. I was glad that I had the sense to NOT let him tie me up like he wanted to, if he had, I am SURE he would not have stopped, & he probably would have given me more g & then just did what he intended to do all along. I am fairly certain that after the last dildo he was going to try to fist me & that is NOT something I was looking to happen. I am not saying I might not be open to it one day, but this was not the way that it was going to happen. I need to work my way up to that, over a series of weeks or months & do it with someone I know & trust. I didn't have any of those things with this guy, they were illusions, & in my opinion he should have stopped at the beads if he was any kind of decent & respectful person. I realize that may sounds funny to some reading this because I let the webcam thing slide & amongst the other things that happened & were said, he obviously played me. I don't know if the cam was still broadcasting during this, but there were mirrors on the wall behind the bed that the cam could have easily gotten in view & showed what was happening, I am guessing it was. I only came to that conclusion several days ago, having put together everything that happened and logically concluding that “fisting a virgin hole on cam” was his intention the whole time.

When I got back from the bathroom, he wanted me to get back into the sling, & I hovered a distance away from it because I didn't want to. I told him that my hole is really stretched & that it is sore. I didn't feel comfortable doing anymore. He accepted that & suggested that we just cuddle instead. I went over & we sort of cuddled with an emotional distance, I knew he was disappointed he couldn't fist me & he knew I probably wasn't going to come back or let him ever have that chance willingly. Yet, we did cuddle. He seemed to fall asleep pretty quickly, & I did my best to pretend to be asleep. I could hear noises coming from downstairs & was fearful that people would come up & do god knows what to me, but thankfully that never happened. I pretended to sleep, waiting for the morning to come so I would be sober enough to drive & get the hell out of there.

He was very distant to me in the morning, he slept through his alarm & I did try to wake him asking if he had an appointment or not, to which he said "I don't care about that" & went back to sleep. His eyes were open & he seemed to be awake, but when he woke up three hours later he was distraught about missing it. He was just very distant & non-communicative so I got myself together and left. As I was leaving he avoided a hug/kiss, but said "see you Saturday". I told him "yea sure" & left. There was pretty much no way I was going back.

I did like him, I did wish that things had gone much slower & I could have kept a sense of comfort & trust towards him, but eventually after a few days I realized that, no, this guy didn't give a shit about me. He didn’t respect me & I just couldn't take my chances & hope he didn't hurt me next time if he tried again.

The next day I texted him, "So how much do you get for your cam shows? Do they buy credits or pay by the minute or hour?" Which I know was a pretty ballsy accusation, but let’s be realistic here, people don't do that sort of thing, so meticulously, just to broadcast a free show for "fun", there was an ulterior motive there, & either he was making money or there was something else happening that he would not admit to.

Then, about three days later he tries to call me. I ignored his call. He sent me a message & left a voicemail that was cheerful & full of ignorance that something was wrong or bothering me. Seriously?? You are that naive & aloof that you really believed that everything that happened was consensual & OK? You aren't even going to ask how my hole was feeling?? I was kind of pissed by that & so it got ugly. I told him what I thought of him, how I felt taken advantage of by him & using the toys on me without even asking if I was into trying them & that I was offended that he exploited me by broadcasting it on his cam. Yes, I can hear some of you saying that I had it coming maybe, & I admit that there is blame for both of us I guess, I just feel like if he had asked me I would have said that I was unsure and we could have discussed it some, at least I could have walked away with it having been a real choice & not that I set up like I was. This is NOT something a decent person does to a novice without having discussed it first & NOT on the first meeting. If he really wanted to see me again, he would have been more respectful of my limits & the fact it was my first time.

cont below