In the end, I tried to make him see that the fact he didn't ask how my hole was doing, if it hurt & if was all right, opened my eyes to the lack of respect he had for me as a person. Then when he showed no remorse for having left me pretty sore I knew he was just a AAAsshole! He twisted the entire situation around on me & tried to say that my perceptions of what happened were not "grounded in reality" & that I was crazy for feeling the way I did. Again, I was naive & took the g, & did not protest to what was happening, but I don't think that makes me crazy, that makes me under the influence of a drug that makes people less inhibited & he knew that. As for not being grounded in reality, I am fairly certain that my interpretation of everything, as hazy as some of it is, was pretty good & he is just a manipulator who does this to guys all the time. He mentioned that he is artsy & likes to "manipulate things" when we were at Tex's place, & then he also admitted that he "likes to slam guys & do things" to them, something that fortunately we did not end up doing because god knows what would happened! He also had a costume room, & he told me that he likes to dress up the guys that he slams, sit them down on the toilet & take pictures for a coffee table book he is putting together. There is just so much there that he said that kind of registered as freaky weird but in the end added up to the conclusion that this guy is not a good person & has no respect for people. He uses the power of persuasion and suggestion to get guys to go along with it all. He had a way of sidestepping topics & issues long enough to distract a person from anything that is of concern.

I know that I will not attempt to try ass play with toys again unless they are normal sized & I feel comfortable & at ease with the other person. I also now know that I can't feel comfortable being blindfolded or having bondage done to me because I won’t trust that someone won't try to do this or worse again, OR that he doesn't have a buddy trying to meet me to get me tied up so he can finish the job or do worse things to me to hurt me because of the way we left things. Its paranoid & sad, but I honestly feel like I am better off safe than sorry. I really do wish that things had gone differently and that this is all a huge misunderstanding and he is the decent guy he tried very hard to convince me he was. I am so tired of meeting guys that are just not what they seem. I know I am simple minded and not the best conversationalist, but I don’t think that warrants being abused or mistreated.

To me there is a HUGE difference between taking 10/15/20 cocks & loads in my ass in a night, than a fist or a dildo the size of a fist. Just because someone says they are submissive doesn't mean "anything goes", it means they are naturally passive and get off on submitting to a dominant, but it goes without saying that limits and desires are discussed first. I thought these things to be self-evident & basic, they should be, but in this case this guy just didn’t care. He lacked respect & thought just because I am a cum pig that I would be an easy hole to fist if he got me under the right influence.

I really hate that there are people in this world like that. It has been the story of my life that I have tried to do something new but then the top administering it takes it too far or lies & says "it won't hurt, don't worry, I will be careful & take it slow" only to end up having it cross the line Then there is no fault there of their own or responsibility for it. It’s not so much about blame, it’s about respect, & I can accept that sometimes things get out of hand & accidents do happen to some small degree. I probably could have given him that benefit of doubt if he only could have shown some kind of compassion & sympathy towards me & the situation. If he had taken the time to give me an apology for taking it too far & making me sore/hurt, I might have been able to walk away with a sense of "well I didn't get hurt permanently, & it was experience & now I know my limits with ass play & toys", but the denials, & defensiveness, the way he tried to make it somehow my fault or desire to do that stuff, & telling me I was not in sync with reality just completely destroyed that possibility. Any desire I might have had to try that again with anyone is gone now for a long, long time to come! I regret that, I wish I had the confidence to not let it bother me, but we learn from our experiences and when we are hurt or wronged by someone that leaves an impression that gets carried over on to future experiences.

I know what I like, being fucked bareback & taking loads. I know that I like the idea of group sex as the bottom & I wish I had a trustworthy companion to protect me from stuff like this happening. I know I like toys in moderation, but I don't need them to be so large that it leaves me sore. When I did the gang bang with rawTOP a month back, I felt comfortable & safe, (even though we had never met before), & when I left I wasn't sore at all. It was within my ability to stretch to the various cocks & handle them pumping me, at times pretty hard & deep, but there was nothing in my hole that was bigger than anything I had previously taken. It was well within my limits and abilities at that space in time. Also, rawTOP respected my request that they start off slow so I could adjust & loosen up to take it rougher.

There is just a disconnection with a guy like AAA, he sees pictures like the one I have posted on this blog & his twisted mind goes immediately to fisting. I get that, I understand that, I just am not into that. He knew it, I told him in our chats before meeting I hadn’t been fisted and was not looking for that. He just didn't care. He saw “submissive” & thought that meant he could do whatever he wanted. Surprise! You were wrong & now you totally fucking ruined it for the other guys out there that do like to pnp & gang breed a willing bottom! Great job AAAsshole! You are a credit to the gay population & the world of kink-sex & dom/sub play!