I once met this guy who told me he had all the answers my bible did not. We met at a church social. How I ended up in that room with him and his friends, I will never fully know or understand. I was spun around and made dizzy. I was shouted at and stripped naked. Cold hands touched my body. One man spit in my face. Another man kicked me down to my knees. My clothes were ripped off and my hands got cuffed. I was dragged over to the bench in the room. That’s when I saw it. The whip. Black leather with little knots at the end. My voice caught some place deep inside. My back was repeatedly struck with full force. Blinding, white pain filled my skin and yet even deeper. More insults and shouts were tossed my way. The pain burned so intensely that I could not even muster up a scream or a moan. Only deep heaving sighs echoed out of my mouth. My back had begun to welt up. Soon I felt warm droplets trickle down my back and down my legs. The flogging continued. The men, amused that I was utterly weakened, taunted me more and more. They continued to whip, spit, and urinate on me. A crown of dull, barbed wire was placed on my head. One thorn punctured my forehead. A gurgle, and then finally, a scream came out. The sound was echoing and rattling in my throat. The scream was thick and heavy and hung in the air over the heads of these men. My eyes rolled into the back of my head, and I lost the ability to hear things correctly. I was removed from the bench. They wrapped me in my torn clothes. I was tossed down onto the floor excruciatingly hard. My legs and arms would only just spasm and twitch. I had no control over my body. My legs were raised into the air, and one after the other, my body was used for their pleasure. My mind started playing tricks on me. One man looked as if he were crying while he thrust himself deep into me. One man above me let out a stream of piss in my face. The liquid seemed to snap me out of it, and I was aware of what was being done to me. My handcuffs were removed, and one man with bright, blue eyes tied my arms to a plank of wood. In a flash, I was picked up and dragged by my arms and the plank of wood. The ropes burned into my skin, and my arm made a loud crack. I was hoisted up on a beam of wood. Thicker ropes were tied tightly around my wrists. My hands turned a deeper color. My hands began to freeze. A wooden dowel came out of a bag, and two of the men began to beat my legs with them. I began, with all my might, to move, to kick, and to punch. I was stuck. The only thing I could do was scream. A piece of cloth, dripping in what tasted like semen, was quickly shoved into my mouth, and another rope was tied around my head to keep the cloth in. My dick was coerced into an erection, and then a strip of leather from the whip was tied around it. Another rope was tied around my feet and onto the beam of wood. I could not move at all. The men backed up and admired the sight. With my eyes too dry to cry anymore and my mouth too full to scream anymore, I gave in. Submitted and stuck. I could feel the weight of my body pulling on my outstretched arms and shoulders. I tried hard to exhale. My breath, which had been quick at one point, had now turned shallow. Soon my legs and back began to cramp. Blood trickled down me. One man rushed up to me and, with a knife, sliced my side. The cut though not deep, brought severe pain, and I blacked out. I woke up dressed in white linens and bandages. My body utterly sore, I raised from the bed. The white linen tightly clutched to my body revealing an erection. I stumbled out of the room I was in and headed for a way out. After some stumbling around, I opened the door of this place. The sunlight blasted white light in my face. I looked around for the men but did not see them. I found my car and proceeded to drive myself home. I was not sure how I had gotten into what I had been in, or if this was even the last of it. Something inside me woke up. This incident was a strange way for God to show his love to me. When I survey now the wondrous cross, forbid it Lord, that I should get an erection. That in the death of Christ, my God, I should feel a oneness. I closed my eyes and remembered something one of the men said to me:

“I did not come to you proclaiming the mystery of God in lofty words or wisdom. For I decided you need know nothing among you except Jesus Christ, and him crucified for your sins and desires.”

© Marc A Coderre