I've been one of those bareback bottoms who's been conflicted about the risks of raw submission. While I am compelled to take any raw cock and load demanded of me, I have not sought out poz cocks and have limited anonymous sessions since getting sick after 12 hours of cocksucking and bare sex in the backroom of Amsterdam's Dirty Dicks (and some random sauna) a few months ago. I never did see the Master who beat me in the dark, the dude who pushed me into the wall to pump my ass, the Top who shoved my own shit in my face (not my thing, by the way), the group of leathermen who took turns cumming down my throat, or the throngs who watched as I got raw fucked by a hot Spaniard at the afterparty. Since then, I've been downright chaste.

Last night, though, I had dinner with an HIV+ leatherman that I played with last year. Last fall, he introduced me to watersports, unloading a belly of beer down my throat, and did his best to teach me to suck his cock - the thickest I've ever seen. As in the width of a beer can - I shit you not. He refused to fuck me, though, because he only goes bare and I was serving a Top who insisted I only place safe with other people.

Now, though, I'm no longer serving the safe-only Top, and the Poz Master is back on the scene. Although my brain has been trying to save me from myself, my cock and mouth seem to feel differently. At dinner, I began to beg the Master to fuck me - to split me open with his abnormal tool. He agreed.

I know the Master is poz, and has been sick. I know he only fucks raw. And I know my cock goes crazy at the thought of that massive cock cumming inside of me. I'm terrified, because I think it's only a matter of weeks until we fuck. He wants to connect before Thanksgiving, and I know - regardless of what is "right" - that I will again beg for his poz cock and load. Even if I go into this thinking I'll be safe, I will become a total pig slut and beg for him to breed me.

Do I go through with it? How do I know if it's time?