Tina kicked my ass. We became a scary couple as we twisted up together.

I loved Tina, my best friend and soul mate. She was a fine companion and an even better teacher: She taught me I could have Awesome Sex; Freedom from Depression; and Handle Any Danger or Fear.

Tina told me I was so Cool; I was in control of everything and I had complete acceptance of being me.

However, Tina brought me to meet scary and dangerous people who were not recreational users: People who no longer cared about themselves and would do anything for Tina; People with guns who would shoot you for looking at them funny; People who were into Torture; People who were Never Responsible; and who were Emotional Vampires. The scariest revelation was I could be any or all of the scary people if I continued to use.

She told me I could no longer be happy unless I gave Tina more and more of myself to her. She told me it would be horrible to lose her. I stopped giving myself to her because with her I started to I feel terrible fear and distrust of every good thing in life. So I took gave more of myself to Tina and I started hearing cell phones ring when they were not and I saw shadows leaning in to get me. I ws running in a circle of despair and I had to break free.

I started getting call and Instant messages from friends. They told me I would be fine and they would show me the way. Tina knew about my friends and told she would ruin me: You will wallow in misery without me; you will know depression so intimately you will pray to die; and you will do anything to let me take over your life.

I made a break for my friends. Tina had tried to tie me in knots but I ran to people who gave up drugs and alcohol completely. They knew the bitch all to well and said I could do it. I just had to keep wanting to be away from Tina completely.

I am now 4 days sober. I had my first sleep on Tuesday night after being up for 3 days. Now, I sleep and it is the best sleep ever. Before I got some sleep I was fearful, crying, anxious, and told friends I was scared to go to AA or Crystal Meth Anonymous Meetings. CMA.

I can think again and I have to avoid fantasizing about slams. I will start feeling the meth in me and want to raise my arms up as if I had done a slam and I am waiting for the cough. I actually pray to be protected from my thoughts. and meth in general. If I don't pray, the meth fantasies feel like they are happening right now if I don't ask to be released from these. I run to rational and spiritual thoughts for protection.

I know now I cannot go back to Tina. 90% of users are addicts and I have become one. I can never go back and use without consequence.