Leaderboard

In fact, I do normally put on my service collar when I go, for instance, to a bathhouse (a nice solid metal band chrome collar doesn’t rust or get moldy from the steam) to signal that I am a submissive, and that I have a duty to serve. I don’t think, however, that it has ever made me look “butch” in any sense of the word. I have found, as I have always been self-collared, that that also means self-disciplined, and responsible for myself in the world. No one has ever taken care of me; I learned long ago how to take care of myself and see that my own needs are met as well as I can. For those who wonder how I have managed to gain such a varied sexual experience and tally up such a record of breedings, it’s because life forces me to be proactive - if I take no initiative, I get nothing. I am alone; no one touches me; if I am ever to feel the touch of another human being, I have to be the one who reaches out. At the bathhouse, my ass may be excellent inside, but outside my body is unremarkable at best, and I have to find a way to at least make others aware that I exist. A bright band of silver in a sea of flesh does that. It is a utility, and a necessity, as much as it is a statement of duty. But it is never a statement of fashion. Frankly, I have no idea what men think of me when they see me walk around with it on, but it doesn’t seem to repel them. (Some of them even find it useful as a grip for leverage.) No doubt some of them see it and draw the sort of mistaken conclusion you describe - I’m certainly used to being misunderstood, but regardless, at least they noticed me, which is better than being invisible.

@hntnhole - My former Master was not perhaps ‘high-minded’ in the sense that he was trying to help me move beyond some perceived limitation, nor was he, in the strictest sense, driven by a pleasure taken in manipulation. The work he did with me was a matter of experimental inquiry, to determine the extent to which a man could be trained to accept a submissive sexual role to other men and the extent to which that role could be psychologically embedded. He was also interested in the boundary between the threshold of pleasure and pain, and how orgasm was tied to both. You imply that he owed it to me that I end the process in a particular state, but that is not the nature of the kind of experimental inquiry in which he was engaged, and in which I was an informed and active participant. Had he and I been in a traditional Dominant/submissive relationship, it might be that he would have had some responsibility toward me, but although many Dominants have used me, none had ever collared me for himself, and I did not see this as such a situation. When he finished his experiment after six years, he released me, and I remained as self-collared as I had been before, only now altered by his work. It isn’t that he left me somehow susceptible to inappropriate advances that could be somehow filtered out; rather, what I face is inherent to being self-collared. In an ideal world, a cunt like me trained to accept any cock would be utilized by a Dominant who took pleasure in being the one deciding which cocks those would be. But I’ve never had that. I’m responsible for myself, and it’s not my place to choose the cocks that fuck me, but to merely make it possible for them to find my cunt. That leaves me necessarily vulnerable. When I say I want Tops to take everything, though, I’m not masochistically saying I want to be trampled and taken advantage of. What I mean is that I want every Top to have complete, unfettered access to the deepest, most intimate part of my physical and sexual nature that he desires to satisfy his personal need. My former Master helped me begin to unlock an ability to access this deep sexual reservoir for others to reach into by exposing the deepest core of my orgasm for anyone to play with at a whim. Perhaps it’s true that I have been left acutely vulnerable to predation, but on the other hand, I feel deeply that my best purpose is to fulfill someone aggressive and Dominant. The only way I could be confident that I could fill the role I now accept as mine without ever worrying about ending up in a bad situation would be to find a Dominant who wanted to actually make full use of me. Even a man simply whoring me out would be a more controlled situation. But at my age, I think the possibility of realizing any ideal scenario is vanishingly remote, and I will simply have to look after myself as best I can. I do not, however, regret the change made in me. It is better to know myself and be driven by purpose - even if that purpose is to cunt myself for every other man - than to wander in confusion and doubt.

SEVERAL YEARS AGO I TURNED ONE OF MY BEDROOMS INTO A DEN/PLAYROOM WITH THE SLING INSTALLED IN THE RAFTERS. I HAVE MIRRORS PLACE AROUND THE ROOM SO THAT WHOEVER IS IN THE SLING CAN SEE EXACTLY WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THEIR HOLE. HAVENT HAD ANY COMPLAINTS YET. FUCK YES!