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Author's Note: Writing "The Trunk and the Cage" led me to explore my own experience more deeply. While I'd organized sex parties before—mostly logistics and coordination—this six-day event was different, shaped by months of careful planning by the Doms. They attended conferences, held working sessions, assigned roles, and consistently championed the core principles of BDSM. I knew little about these principles until I started writing and researching. Like many, I once thought BDSM was mainly about spanking, bondage, and pain. It can include those, but at its heart, it's about trust, communication, and respect. Below is a BDSM glossary compiled from various sources to help demystify it. My hope is that more gay men feel empowered to openly discuss their limits—preferences, dislikes, and hard nos. Clear boundaries don't kill spontaneity or anon hookups; they make deeper, more intense play safer and ultimately more liberating. Concepts or Activities boundaries incorporated into this specific event are highlighted in blue. T&C BDSM Glossary BDSM encompasses a wide range of consensual practices involving power exchange, sensation play, and role dynamics. At its foundation are ethical frameworks that prioritize participant well-being. Below is an outline and summary: Core Principles CONSENT: All activities must be explicitly agreed upon by informed, enthusiastic participants. Consent can be withdrawn at any time without repercussions. COMMUNICATION: Open, honest dialogue is essential before, during, and after scenes to discuss desires, boundaries, and feedback. SAFETY: Physical and emotional risks must be minimized through education, preparation, and harm reduction strategies. TRUST and RESPECT: Relationships and scenes are built on mutual trust, with respect for each person's autonomy, limits, and identity. INCLUSIVITY: BDSM communities emphasize diversity, non-judgment, and support for various genders, orientations, and experience levels. Standard Approaches SSC (Safe, Sane, and Consensual): A foundational guideline ensuring activities are physically safe, mentally sound, and fully consensual. RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink): Focuses on acknowledging inherent risks in activities while ensuring all parties are informed and consenting. PRICK (Personal Responsibility Informed Consensual Kink): Emphasizes individual accountability for understanding and managing risks in consensual play. 4Cs (Caring, Communication, Consent, Caution): A holistic approach integrating emotional care with practical safety measures. Methodologies Negotiation: Pre-scene discussions to outline activities, limits (hard/soft), safewords, and aftercare needs, often using checklists or contracts. Scene Structure: Sessions typically include warm-up, main play, and cool-down, with ongoing check-ins to monitor well-being. Safewords and Signals: Standardized systems (e.g., traffic lights: green=go, yellow=slow, red=stop) for immediate communication, especially in non-verbal scenarios. Aftercare: Post-scene support to address physical (e.g., hydration, wound care) and emotional (e.g., reassurance, cuddling) needs, helping prevent subdrop or topdrop. 💡While not exactly the same as a roller coaster, the highs and lows of sex in the kink community can feel the same. This is known as sub drop and top drop – “sub” referring to the submissive partner and “top” being the dominant partner. Education and Community: Involvement in workshops, munches (social gatherings), or online forums to learn techniques, etiquette, and risk management. Risk Mitigation: Use of safe equipment, hygiene practices, and emergency protocols; avoidance of intoxicants during play. These elements ensure BDSM is practiced responsibly, enhancing pleasure and connection while reducing harm. Alphabetical BDSM Glossary Author's Note: I have highlighted the specific BDSM activities I believe were a part of my 6-day adventure covered in this blog. Note also that these are just some of the words and definitions associated with BDSM. Abrasion Play: A form of sensation play involving scraping or rubbing the skin with rough materials like sandpaper to create intense tactile experiences. Aftercare: The period following a BDSM scene where participants provide emotional and physical support to each other, such as cuddling, hydration, or debriefing, to ease back into normalcy. Age Play: Role-playing scenarios where participants adopt childlike or parental roles, often involving nurturing or disciplinary elements, but always consensual and non-literal. Ball Gag: A device placed in the mouth to restrict speech, often used in bondage or humiliation play to enhance submission. Bastinado: Impact play focused on the soles of the feet, typically with canes or rods, requiring caution due to sensitivity. Bondage: The practice of restraining someone using ropes, cuffs, chains, or other materials to limit movement, often for sensory deprivation or power exchange. Bottom: The person receiving sensations, actions, or submission in a scene, not necessarily implying a submissive role. Breath Play: Restricting airflow through choking or smothering for erotic asphyxiation, considered edge play due to high risks. Cane: A thin, flexible rod used for impact play, delivering sharp, stinging sensations. CBT (Cock and Ball Torture): Activities targeting the genitals with pain or restriction, such as clamping or slapping, for masochistic pleasure. Chastity Device: A lockable cage or belt preventing genital access or erection, used in orgasm denial or control dynamics. Collar: A symbolic item worn around the neck to signify ownership, submission, or commitment in D/s relationships; can be temporary or permanent. Consent Violation: Any breach of agreed boundaries, considered a serious ethical issue in BDSM communities. Contract: A written agreement outlining rules, limits, and expectations in a D/s dynamic, often used in long-term relationships. Dominant (Dom/Domme): The person who takes control, directs the scene, and provides structure or discipline. Dungeon: A dedicated space equipped for BDSM play, often found in private homes or clubs, with furniture like crosses or benches. Edge Play: High-risk activities pushing physical or psychological limits, such as knife play or fire play, requiring advanced skill and consent. Fetish: A strong sexual arousal from specific objects, materials (e.g., leather, latex), or body parts not typically eroticized. Figging: Inserting peeled ginger root into the anus or vagina for a burning sensation, used in sensation or punishment play. Flogging: Whipping with a multi-tailed implement like a cat-o'-nine-tails to create thuddy or stingy impacts. Gorean: A lifestyle inspired by John Norman's novels, emphasizing strict master/slave dynamics with rituals and positions. Hard Limit: An activity a participant absolutely refuses to engage in, non-negotiable. Impact Play: Striking the body with hands or tools (e.g., paddles, whips) for pain and endorphin release. Kink: Any non-traditional sexual practice or interest, often overlapping with BDSM. Knife Play: Using blades for sensation, threat, or light cutting, emphasizing psychological fear and trust. Lifestyle: Full-time integration of BDSM dynamics into daily life, beyond occasional play. Masochist: Someone who derives pleasure from receiving pain or humiliation. Mummification: Wrapping the body tightly in materials like plastic wrap or tape for total immobilization and sensory deprivation. Negotiation: The process of discussing and agreeing on scene details, limits, and safewords beforehand. Orgasm Control: Dominants regulating when or if submissives can climax, often through denial or forced orgasms. Paddle: A flat implement for spanking, delivering broad, thuddy impacts. Pet Play: Role-playing as animals (e.g., puppy, kitten) with behaviors like leashing or training. Party Play: A social event where BDSM scenes occur publicly or semi-publicly in a safe, monitored environment. Power Exchange: The consensual transfer of authority from submissive to dominant, which can be total (TPE) or partial. Queening: A form of facesitting where the dominant sits on the submissive's face for oral service or smothering. Rope Play (Shibari/Kinbaku): Artistic Japanese-style bondage using ropes for aesthetic restraint and suspension. Sadist: Someone who enjoys inflicting pain or humiliation on consenting partners. Safeword: A pre-agreed word or signal to pause or stop a scene immediately. Scene: A defined BDSM session with a beginning, middle, and end, focused on specific activities. Sensory Deprivation: Blocking senses (e.g., blindfolds, earplugs) to heighten others and increase vulnerability. Service Submission: A submissive's focus on performing tasks or duties for the dominant's benefit. Soft Limit: A boundary that might be pushed under the right circumstances with negotiation. Spanking: Striking the buttocks with hands or implements, a common entry-level impact play. Subdrop: Emotional or physical low following a scene, due to endorphin crash; mitigated by aftercare. Submissive (Sub): The person who yields control, following the dominant's lead. Suspension: Hanging someone partially or fully off the ground using ropes or harnesses, requiring expertise. Switch: Someone who enjoys both dominant and submissive roles, alternating based on context. Top: The person administering sensations or actions in a scene, not necessarily dominant. Top Drop: A dominant's emotional dip post-scene, often from responsibility or adrenaline drop. Vanilla: Non-BDSM, conventional sexual or relational practices. Violet Wand: An electrical device for delivering static shocks or tingling sensations. Wax Play: Dripping hot candle wax on the skin for temperature sensation play. Whipping: Using a single-tail whip for precise, intense strikes. Key References Wikipedia Glossary of BDSM — Comprehensive community-maintained list of terms. [think before following links] [think before following links] [think before following links] [think before following links] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glossary_of_BDSM The Aftercare Lounge: Exploring the World of Kink: BDSM Glossary and Terminology — Detailed explanations of core terms and practices. [think before following links] [think before following links] [think before following links] [think before following links] https://www.theaftercarelounge.com/post/bdsm-glossary Obedience App: Glossary of BDSM Terminology — Covers roles, dynamics, and common activities. [think before following links] [think before following links] [think before following links] [think before following links] https://obedienceapp.com/blog/glossary-of-bdsm-terminology Passion & Soul by Lee Harrington: Kink and BDSM Glossary — Educator-focused definitions emphasizing consent and variety. [think before following links] [think before following links] [think before following links] [think before following links] https://www.passionandsoul.com/blog/info/kink-glossary Grindr Blog: SSC Kink and Other Safety Terms — Explanations of SSC, RACK, and related frameworks. [think before following links] [think before following links] [think before following links] [think before following links] https://www.grindr.com/blog/ssc-kink BeMoreKinky: SSC vs RACK BDSM Safety Frameworks — In-depth comparison of SSC, RACK, and PRICK. [think before following links] [think before following links] [think before following links] [think before following links] https://www.bemorekinky.com/blog/bdsm-fundamentals/boundaries-and-consent/ssc-vs-rack-bdsm-safety-frameworks BeMoreKinky: The Complete Guide to Post-BDSM Care and Recovery — Detailed on aftercare, negotiation, and safewords. [think before following links] [think before following links] [think before following links] [think before following links] https://www.bemorekinky.com/blog/bdsm-fundamentals/boundaries-and-consent/bdsm-aftercare-guide

Near Home—August, 2024 The end of July and early August was quite busy for me professionally. I didn’t get a chance to play again until the first Friday afternoon of the month. I tried to find some playroom action, but once I found a couple of regulars were too busy themselves, I opted for an afternoon at the re-modeled bookstore video room. As I parked, I was pleased to see the couple (who come here together to suck dick) eating lunch in their car. I nod to them and go in… I don’t have long to wait. I’ve just gotten my cock out and the two guys come in from the parking lot. The one with the shaved head goes first. He gives me rather aggressive head as his partner watches. When his knees tire, the more mild-mannered one takes his place. It’s a great study in contrasts—both very satisfying. I look around the room as they work on my dick. In a corner, tucked almost under the gay screen, is the man I christened the Voyeur. Now that he so often sticks his dick into my mouth, it is not quite as fitting a moniker. He is stroking his long, thin, slightly curved cock to the blow job I am receiving. My attention goes back to my sucker as he moves to my balls. He moans a little as he tongues the slightly sweaty orbs. After one more round of his mouth on my dick, the two of them take off, likely having spent much of the morning here. The Voyeur gets up and comes over, sitting one chair away from me. We chat a little, as there is now no one else in the room. I haven’t seen him here since the theatres got wiped out by the drunk driver. He has been traveling, he tells me. We both continue to stroke as we catch up. Eventually, I get on my knees and take him into my mouth. It is such a nice fit, to have this ebony cock inside my mouth. It is thin enough not to worry about teeth or breathing—until he decides to fuck the final half inch into my throat. Now I can’t breathe as I choke on it. He loves how my throat constricts and juices up. He does it again and again. New men have arrived as we have been talking and while I’ve been on my knees. A couple of regulars and one man I’ve never seen before. He sits near us. He opens his fly and strokes to the blow job I’m giving. The Voyeur seems to know him. He nods at him and then taps me on the shoulder. I come up for air. “I want to see you fuck him,” he whispers to me. He indicates the guy near us. He is stroking madly. “Stand up and show him your dick.” I do just that. Instantly the guy stands up and starts stripping off his dress pants and shirt. He’s likely 50’s, white with a deep summer tan and in great shape. “Take that cock up your ass for me,” the Voyeur hisses, the moment the guy is naked but for black socks. He grins and starts to dig for lube. “I have some,” I say as I go back to my knees and begin eating this guy’s shapely ass. He groans and reaches back, pulling his cheeks apart. I zero in on his hole and get it very wet. I spit continually. Each time the sound of it makes the Voyeur’s hand speed up on his cock. Suddenly, the guy pulls away from me. He wants to taste my dick. I sit and let him. He gets me as wet as I got his ass. He stands up and bends, placing his ass at a great angle for the Voyeur to see the action. I stand and spit on his pucker one last time, as I lube up my cock. I sink into him. Slowly. Inch by inch. “Oh, fuck…” the guy groans out. I stop. Wait. And give him the last few inches. My pubes scrape his upturned ass. “Fuck him,” the Voyeur hisses. I begin a slow in and out, a rather shallow stroke. This is too little for both the fuckee and the Voyeur. “Give it to him hard!” “Harder! I can take it.” I speed up and really let him have it. The guy instantly begins to pant—and to push back, grinding his ass onto my dick. This motion makes the Voyeur shoot. He just has time to pull his shirt out of the way, so it’s not covered. The guy pulls off my dick, scoops up his clothes and races to the restroom. He is dressed and out the door before the Voyeur is cleaned up. He thanks me for the visual and leaves… * I sit back down. An older Latino has been stroking to my fuck. He brings his smallish dick over and I suck him. With very little work, I get a load out of him. He grabs my shoulder and squeezes it by way of thanks. He zips up and leaves, almost colliding with the guy I’d fucked coming back in. “I want more—even if I’m late for work…” He drops his pants to his ankles and proceeds to sit on my dick. He bounces on my cock, higher and higher, taking it deeply into his gut. I grab his hips and keep him from pulling all the way off me. He pounds himself down on me. His legs can’t take too much of this. He finally slows and pulls off my dripping dick. “Now I have to get to work. Thanks.” He pulls up his pants. “Someday I want your load.” And he leaves. I stroke. In less than five minutes, he’s back. He drops his pants and leans against the wall, leaning across the seat the Voyeur had been in. “Please give me a load to take to work.” I stand up. I am far more likely to be able to load him in this position. I lube up a little more and push into his very wet hole. I am fucking as hard as the first time. And I think I might be able to give him what he needs. I am so damn close—and his work phone goes off. In one deft move, he squirms away from me, pulls his pants up and runs to the bathroom. I hear him chatting to his boss for a moment. Suddenly, the door bangs open and he races out of the room, slamming the main door. I never see him again… * That was the hot part of the afternoon. But there was one more I want to detail, as I like to chronicle how we have sex here in the 21st Century. Sometime later, the Talker came in. We were alone in the room. He detailed how he hated the new set up. Then we were joined by a white guy in his 70’s. He sat next to me—and eventually asked if he could touch my cock. I let him. He did—and then he stood up and dropped his walking shorts. He was wearing a diaper that had been duck taped to his body—so he could wear it all afternoon and nothing could drip out. “My wife did this to me,” he lamented, “when I told her where I was going.” He went on to say she does this all the time to punish him. “She had my cock pierced, too. And has me in a cage.” I had no proof of that. Or even if there is a wife. He eventually blew me—not very well—while the Talker shut up and fed me his cock. As soon as Duct Tape Man got up off his knees, he complained of the heat in the room and left… I do love recording the weird as well as the wonderful… The original is here: From My Side of the Sling: "I Want to See You Fuck Him!" August 16, 2024