I will try and keep this short as possible. I am a 33 year old "Straight" guy. Never had any issues getting girls. Over the last few years I have become more and more obsessed with gay porn to the point where it was all i watched. All I would watch was breeding porn, glory holes, cumdumps etc but every time I came I felt guilty and would close down the laptop and move on. I must have downloaded squirt, grindr at least 50 times and instantly deleted it. I did try a few times with guys but I was so nervous and out of my depth that they weren't great experiences. I did suck one guy to the point of him cumming in my mouth, that was hot but I struggled to get hard. So I just went back to my regular "straight dating" . The sex with girls was always hot but after a while it got boring and I was back wanking off to breeding porn
The problem was, I was never really attracted to men, mostly just cock and ass, so to me I wasn't "gay" but why in gods name did I fantasize and watch no holds barred breeding porn. all the time?? All I wanted to do was go to a bathhouse/ theatre , take my cock out and stick it up a hole and dump my load. I didn't want to kiss, touch, just drop loads in dirty cumdumps. But I also knew the danger in doing this so I always stayed on the sidelines. I recently got out of a relationship and AGAIN went back to the gay porn. I was at the stage where I was like " dude you have been watching this for years, its time to take the plunge, you will regret it if you dont. I always thought it was "Weird" that I didn't find EVERY guy attractive cos in my mind Gay= attracted to all men. stupid lol
I wrote down what I like:
Trans
Twinks/fem asians with no body hair
So with all my failed attempts I decided to go slowly, I had to get this experience right or I would regret living " a straight life" . So I went online and booked an appointment with an TS escort that had good reviews. I got to hers expecting to top. she started to lube my dick, I again was very nervous like the past few times but this time I brought my friend Viagara with me.
I calmed down and just went with it and before I knew it I was gagging on her cock with my rock dick also rock hard. She then started putting lube on her fingers and putting the fingers into my ass. I thought " this is strange , I am the top" I went with it as it was enjoyable, she started off with one finger , then two then 3... I liked it, I assumed since she was an escort raw was out of the question and she was from a reputable site and had many reviews. Next thing I know she sticks her raw dick in my ass... it was GIRTHY , at first I was like " fuck we are doing this raw" but then I was like "dude you haven't used condoms in ten years, dont pretend like you want her to put a condom on" . She then said " I am on prep, do you want me to put on a condom or will i keep fucking you raw" I didn't even answer.... I spread my cheeks and she went to town wanking me as she fucked me ( missionary style)
This was the first time I was fucked so it was quite painful but I kept breathing and pushing my ass outwards ( I read this helps somewhere? lol) . I begged for her load inside me, then the pain went from soar to ecstasy and next thing I know I am cumming all over my stomach while she is fucking me raw. We had been fucking for a while and my ass was soar as fuck so unfortunately she didn't come inside me . I had gone from expecting to fuck her with a condom to getting fucked by a raw cock and cumming while she fucked me so it was a lot to take in. I got up and left but the best part was, I felt ZERO guilt, zero shame and I thought it was hot as fuck. She wasn't the hottest TS but just thinking of her raw dick inside me makes me so hard. I immediately went home and set up a consultation with a doctor to get on prep. I tried going through the public sector but thee wait list was months so i am paying $200 to skip the queue. My appointment is March 10th. I hope I can start taking prep that day or do they give you the prescription after they have done your testS?
I have downloaded grindr and already have a few twinks and trans lined up for when I am on prep. I feel zero shame and can't wait to start barebacking, I dont know whether I will continue my plan to top or after this escort encounter start bottoming. All I know is I will take my time and this feels 100%% right. I even had a wank today to some glory hold porn, again zero guilt, my jaw was nearly at my knees looking at it. Not sure what changed, maybe I just accepted what I like ? I read online a few days ago, someone saying the had the same nerves and issues I had and the only way to fix it was to just keep pushing through and eventually it will get easier...
I am going to Toronto end of March for work, I used to live there and know from research they have some slutty theatres bathhouses, I really just want tot bareback through a gloryhole or dark room.. As I mentioned , not necassarly turned on by guys face etc but a good ass and cock with the addition of the sleaziness of fucking through a hole or dark room drives me insane and this is me writing this after a wank. Normally I turn off the laptop and go back to my straight life . Now I just want to breed, I unfortunately have to wait until I get on prep and its going to be hard waiting until March but there's zero chance I am putting a condom on, I just can't do it. I haven't used one in years and my biggest fetish/turn on is the sleaziness of breeding another man. I know prep won't help me with STDs but I have to be honest with myself, I can't lie anymore. I want to breed ass, I want to fuck dudes through glory holes and not pull out, I want to cum inside a man in a darkroom and leave...
I am so fucked amnt ? The fact I am saying this one day after being fucked and having another wank and still thinking this is the thing I want really leads me to believe I am....