bihusband

A small update.

I have not yet gone on prep.

But I bought poppers. I feel like I'm making dumb decisions.

So I've been a good slut husband these last few months. I told my wife whenever I met a guy. More and more I don't actually meet a guy but go cruising. I love it.

I'm getting myself tested regularly and haven't caught anything so far. But I've also been using condoms for all my meets. 

I still have the Cum In Me Bro shirt and I wear it sometimes when I watch bareback porn. Then I imagine skipping the condom while cruising. Most guys don't use condoms and some turn me down because I insist on them. I've always used one, especially when cruising. But more and more I feel the urge to just go bare. 

I'm ready to go on PrEP, now all I have to do is tell her.

bottom1980

On 4/26/2022 at 7:39 AM, ErosWired said:

@bihusband - Your wife has accepted this aspect of your nature, and has made allowance for you to express it. She has acknowledged that you are introducing a measure of unknown risk into both of your lives - not just yours, but also hers - and is requesting only that you take a reasonable measure to ensure both her safety and your own.

Do not abuse her trust. She has not given you a blank check to go run amok indulging your homosexual fantasies. You already realize this, or you wouldn’t be asking us this question.

But you have asked it: “What am I doing?”

So I’ll give you an straight-up answer. You’re stepping out of line. You’ve been given an inch but you’re taking a mile. You know damn well that she’s worried about the risk of you bringing a sexually transmitted disease into that house and possibly transmitting it to her - and she’s being realistic - and what are you doing? You’re putting her concerns, her safety, and her trust second to your fantasies. You’re not just contemplating going bare and unsafe, you’re planning on it. You’ve already ordered the outfit.

Unlike the hedonists above, I’m not going to encourage you to go satiate your appetites. The world is full of Earthly Delights that tempt our flesh, but just because something tempts you doesn’t mean you can have it, or should have it, or are in a position to have it at that time. You have to make choices, and some of those choices mean that other choices aren’t available later. You chose to marry her, and to live within the constraints of the relationship as negotiated. (Apparently the terms have been rather generous on her part in this regard.) If your conscience is pricking at you, it’s probably because you already know that “what you’re doing” isn’t on the menu.

The way you do this in the clear is that you discuss it with her and make sure she is okay with it, and on what terms. If she’s not okay with it, then you make a decision which is more important to you, your wife or your fantasy. If the answer is your wife, then you accept that fantasy as just a fantasy that doesn’t get acted on; if the answer is the fantasy, you release her to find someone who will truly care for her.

I don’t write this as abstract philosophy - my experience along these lines ultimately led to the end of my marriage. At first she claimed to be open about it, but after a single encounter where a guy sucked me off (I didn’t do anything to him) her perspective changed completely. I can tell you first-hand how badly wrong it can go, even when the lines of communication are open.

On 4/27/2022 at 1:59 AM, Nclchub said:

So speaking seriously, it can't be overstated just how lucky you are to have a partner that accepts your sexuality and need to explore it. That said you're at serious risk of ruining your relationship. It looks like you're letting your dick do the thinking and are about to jump into things way too fast. 

Others have talked about how you're putting her at risk if you go bare so i won't dwell on that. More concerning to me is that you're immediately considering getting fucked by multiple guys. Have you had a serious talk with your wife about how this is gonna work? Do you even have any rules? Things to consider:

-Condoms and Prep. You need to figure out together if you're gonna use them before you consider going bare. If she wants you to use protection and you go bare anyway that's a huge betrayal. 

-Does she want to know any details or does she want things to be strictly don't ask don't tell?

-are you going to let her explore fucking other people? Does she even want that? 

-Just because you're free to fuck other guys doesn't mean you can neglect your wife. Make sure her needs are satisfied too

I'm really not trying to be a downer. However it sounds like you and your wife care about each other. Remember, even if she decides you need to use Condoms for now she might ease off on that once she sees you can be trusted. Good luck. 

Thank you! I think I needed to hear that and you are right.

This thread is about that, I don't want to break her trust. But I caught myself giving in to fantasies I wasn't comfortable sharing with her.

If I have to choose between living out these fantasies and her I'll take her any time!

Thanks for all the great replies.

Yes I'm very lucky she's so open, accepting and understanding. She really means a lot to me and I would never want to hurt her. 

When she said I should get tested she said it would only be fair because I would expect the others to be tested and negative as well. At least that's how I understood it when she said it. We have actually never talked about condoms but I assume she wants me to use them. I guess that's something we need to talk about even though I think I already know the answer.

Going on PrEP is a good idea and I might need to do that. I plan on going to the clinic this week to get tested and I can ask about that too.

Here's what made me write what I did. I'm very glad she consented to me having sex with men. It opened up something I had kept from a long time. I finally felt free. I allowed myself to express my desires. I think that also led to me ordering the shirt as an acknowledgment of my desires. But while I've had sex with men the desire to bareback was never real, it was a fantasy. Ordering that shirt was as if that fantasy spilled over into reality. It's ridiculous, I know, but that made me freak out a bit. Because now there is this object that has my desire on it, plain to see. If that's what happens when I get horny, what's keeping me from actually going through with it? 

The other thing that made me freak out a bit was that after finally being open with my wife and her accepting me as I am, I have something else that I keep hidden from her, quite literally. I'm scared to think of what happens when she finds that shirt. Back to square one. It feels like I'm breaking her trust. Which I guess I am. I'm still afraid about being open with her, for fear of rejection. 

I'm married to a woman and recently came out to her as bisexual. She wasn't surprised but very accepting. We talked about how I would like to have sex with men and she gave me her blessing. We agreed I would let her know what I'm doing and when I meet someone I tell her when and where. She asked me to get tested but that's about it. I love spending time with her but it's easier to hook up when she's not around. She's out of town in a few weeks and I plan to get wild. I even bought some nice jocks I always wanted to try and wear without her knowing.

Thing is I've been reading and watching a lot of bareback porn lately and find myself very attracted to it. During one of those jerk off sessions I got so horny about it that I ordered a "Cum in me bro" shirt reasoning I can just ditch it. I really don't want her to see that shirt and I don't know how she would react. But I do want to wear it. And yet I'm wondering Where is this going? Would I really bareback and let someone cum in me?

What am I doing?