bihusband
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A small update. I have not yet gone on prep. But I bought poppers. I feel like I'm making dumb decisions.
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So I've been a good slut husband these last few months. I told my wife whenever I met a guy. More and more I don't actually meet a guy but go cruising. I love it. I'm getting myself tested regularly and haven't caught anything so far. But I've also been using condoms for all my meets. I still have the Cum In Me Bro shirt and I wear it sometimes when I watch bareback porn. Then I imagine skipping the condom while cruising. Most guys don't use condoms and some turn me down because I insist on them. I've always used one, especially when cruising. But more and more I feel the urge to just go bare. I'm ready to go on PrEP, now all I have to do is tell her.
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bottom1980
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Thank you! I think I needed to hear that and you are right. This thread is about that, I don't want to break her trust. But I caught myself giving in to fantasies I wasn't comfortable sharing with her. If I have to choose between living out these fantasies and her I'll take her any time!
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Thanks for all the great replies. Yes I'm very lucky she's so open, accepting and understanding. She really means a lot to me and I would never want to hurt her. When she said I should get tested she said it would only be fair because I would expect the others to be tested and negative as well. At least that's how I understood it when she said it. We have actually never talked about condoms but I assume she wants me to use them. I guess that's something we need to talk about even though I think I already know the answer. Going on PrEP is a good idea and I might need to do that. I plan on going to the clinic this week to get tested and I can ask about that too. Here's what made me write what I did. I'm very glad she consented to me having sex with men. It opened up something I had kept from a long time. I finally felt free. I allowed myself to express my desires. I think that also led to me ordering the shirt as an acknowledgment of my desires. But while I've had sex with men the desire to bareback was never real, it was a fantasy. Ordering that shirt was as if that fantasy spilled over into reality. It's ridiculous, I know, but that made me freak out a bit. Because now there is this object that has my desire on it, plain to see. If that's what happens when I get horny, what's keeping me from actually going through with it? The other thing that made me freak out a bit was that after finally being open with my wife and her accepting me as I am, I have something else that I keep hidden from her, quite literally. I'm scared to think of what happens when she finds that shirt. Back to square one. It feels like I'm breaking her trust. Which I guess I am. I'm still afraid about being open with her, for fear of rejection.
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I'm married to a woman and recently came out to her as bisexual. She wasn't surprised but very accepting. We talked about how I would like to have sex with men and she gave me her blessing. We agreed I would let her know what I'm doing and when I meet someone I tell her when and where. She asked me to get tested but that's about it. I love spending time with her but it's easier to hook up when she's not around. She's out of town in a few weeks and I plan to get wild. I even bought some nice jocks I always wanted to try and wear without her knowing. Thing is I've been reading and watching a lot of bareback porn lately and find myself very attracted to it. During one of those jerk off sessions I got so horny about it that I ordered a "Cum in me bro" shirt reasoning I can just ditch it. I really don't want her to see that shirt and I don't know how she would react. But I do want to wear it. And yet I'm wondering Where is this going? Would I really bareback and let someone cum in me? What am I doing?
