Marsian
-
Posts
10 -
Joined
-
Last visited
1 Follower
Marsian's Achievements
-
We did kiss two days ago. Lot's of kissing, all night long. We could have had sex but we were interrupted. My heart beats fast since then. I feel like a new person. So many things I don't know. I didn't know what to say to him. Can't say I love you (although in my stupid mind I love all my relatives -he's a second cousin). I told him that I want him. I don't know what I should do about sex I don't feel confident to do anything and Idon't know what he expects from me. I don't know if he's more experienced than me. I'm daydreaming. It's silly but it feels pink and sugarish in my mind. I had too much science and serious things in my mind, can't I be a little careless?
-
Maybe it's just me worrying too much. I try to have good faith. I have no reason to believe he would do such a thing. It's just that the mind, my mind, tries to find negative things for no reason. I think he knows I'm there for him. And I'm also really greatful for this site because I have no one else to discuss that. I want another kiss.
-
Hey it's me again 🙂 The past few days I didn't have time at all to visit the cafe at all. He called me to ask something but I was at the hospital that day so we didn't talk at all. Today we went for a walk. We went in a quiet place into the woods and we sat down in the grass. He told me that sometimes he feels very stressed and that he wants to get more independent. It was a nice moment, it felt like a confession of his thoughts. I gave him some advice (despite the fact that I'm a closeted, virgin gay guy trapped in a village) about how to address his emotions. Some time later he said he had to go back to the cafe and he left. Before he left he gave me a kiss in the cheek, which was a first. I think that moment I was just dreaming alive. I'm still thinking about it. Yet I don't know what happens. Is he going slowly on me? Is he just like that? I'm his beloved cousin and he just cares too much? Is he playing games on me to embarrass me?
-
Before the pandemic people did that a lot. Now they are starting again. I met a couple of unknown cousins of mine (sometimes I think that untl the day I die I will keep on meeting people who say we are cousins). I was like oh god all these people will want to hug me and condolence me. Thank you, you are very kind. There are times that I picture myself with dakr hair, trying to think how I would look like. Usually they called (in village) a word meaning white guy (but with a slightly offensive manner). Something like pale and sick. wow didn't think it would be an irregular, thanks I could feel my heart beating fast that moment. I felt like I had lost control and pushed things too far. Today we spent some time together. We had something that I'm not sure it exists in catholic religions, a day called remembrance day following a funeral. We had that day today for our grandpa (we call grandpa any brother of our grandpa or of our great-grandpa). He was super busy serving us all, but after that he came to us for a visit. Him and my mother get along very well. We had dinner all of us and we went for walking the two of us with our dog. We were just the two of us in a forest area. Nothing romantic happen but some bonding did happen. However he said that we could go biking when the sun goes down because he worries that I get too much sun.
-
I know the feeling. I am not ginger though (although I love that color). I feel more like "bleached" although my eyebrows are 98% white and 2% blond. My beard is like 60% white 40% blonde and my hair are more blonde than white. Thankfully and unlike alphism my eyes are blue and not red. There's something straight about norms in Greece. Half people will call you gay if you hug a man and half (straight) men will hug you and kiss you on your cheek. We message almost daily. I did something reckless today though. I touched his hair (some part of it is cut very short) and my finger glided (or slided?) across them. I told him I like the pointy feeling and he smiled before he moved on. Then I realised that that was too much for me. Several str8 guys have left me to touch them in their hands, arms hair or whatever. I believe that some people just feel nice around me and they do not regard this as potential sexual/romantic so nothing inside them kicks. So although that thing with the hair could imply something, based on my experience it does not. I haven't found a nickname for him. I always call him either cousin or with a name I used to call him when I was little. His name was hard to pronounce so I had found a brief alternative. I use that You are right, I'm just turning red, no tanning. I always wear some special t-shirt on the bitch and a hat. It's ridiculous but there's no other way.
-
All this time nothing particular has happened but I'm still excited. We went out for drinks in the city (apart from the two of us and some other guys as well). I got a bit happy but not drunk from the drinking. We message daily but no erotic context is included. Just in a friendly basis. There are two interesting points though a)he calls me a word, that it literally means snow-white (but in Greek it could be used for males two since it's an adjective and has gender). He told me that I'm so pale that I deserve a special nickname (truth is I'm too pale and my hair looks almost white, maybe I have indeed a mild albinism) b) we hadn't met for a couple of days I was too busy. I went to his cafe today, early in the morning. He sneaked behind me and hugged me real tight and we stayed like that for some seconds. I hope that implies something but I worry that it doesn't.
-
maybe it's just a part of one's self that wants not to be exposed by sun's light. I like the way you put it. Hadn't thought of that that way. That's actually a true answer. When I was a teen I thought that gays were doomed to be single forever. I thought that everybody else was straight. So I thought of finding something that I can be passionate about it, so passionate that my will to thrive and discover would be adequate to cover my empty social life. But now I think that I've fallen in love and this feeliing..well it makes me feel alive. I love that feeling.
-
We had a small "date". We went bicycling for a couple of km. The cool thing was that we went to the top of the mountain the two of us, we had the chance to talk. He said he feels quite bored there but he doesn't want to leave that place and so somewhere alone. he also thought that I was an albino (lmao) because my eyebrows and beard are almost white (thing is i'm too blonde and that's weird for a greek -all my grandparents brothers but not my grandpa are like that). Since then we text once in a while but nothing erotic about it.
-
Invite him where exactly? There is no privacy here unfortunately, we all live quite close, even to jerk off is a feat. It's not a matter of dictatorship, it's just a rural gay-unfriendly place. I suppose they are but far off from my reach atm. you got this 100% all tables are quiet few people go out (but for some reason we have tourism) Yesterday we talked more, I asked him what he does on his spare time he loves biking. He asked me to join him sometime, I said sure why not. Thing is I haven't biked for ages. I hope he won't see me fall down the cliff.
-
Hello everyone. I'm glad I found this community. I've been reading here for some time. I suppose it feeds somehow my full of lust dark side. I'm 24yo and I live in a small village in Greece (I suppose most of u are from the USA?). I've never had sex with a guy. I was studying medicine in a close city but I was living with my brother, who despite his love for me, is a cute but homophobic military dog. I didn't mind until now. I was cool with watching porn but I'm fed up. There are girls who ask me out and I hate it. I have to say no but I can't say the real reason. So I'm lying that I have a relationship. The fact that I'm str8-looking has allowed me to survive but my family asks why I'm single. I'm about to start my (no idea how it's called but I can improvise) my rural medical intership which lasts for 1 year (it's obligatory for every doctor) in my village. We have very few places to go there. One guy there, a second cousin of mine (half the village we're somehow related) is my crush. We used to play together when we were kids but somehow we lost touch. He runs in the family (his family) coffee shop. I'm a frequent customer. When there are no other customers he will begin a conversation with me. There is no way I can directly ask him so I'm just daydreaming, dreaming and guessing about his intentions. He is very friendly but we're cousins anyway why shouldn't he be? I just watch him prepare my coffee and I fall in love. I can't tell if he's gay. I'm waiting each and every day when I'll go there to get a coffee. I've got no one to talk to about this. Sometimes I wonderwhy can't I just have someone to love my in my life, is this too much to ask?
