To be or not to be a (cheating) cum dump.
I am in my early 30's and I have recently found myself in a relationship with someone who I met on grindr. I met him at a time in my life where I was just starting to get comfortable hooking up promiscuously with others and taking loads more often. However we hit it off immediately after the first night and became "exclusive" after a while. We currently have a pretty decent relationship, however there's a problem that I have.
The sex at first was very hot and very frequent. Yet as of lately, it has pretty much dried up, other than the occasional session that I almost always initiate. And most of the time when I do try to initiate it, he's not in the mood. I know he's not cheating on me, and quite frankly if he was I'd be pretty turned on and I've expressed that to him before that he's welcome to hook up with others. However he's not interested in that currently, or any sexual encounter for that matter. And he's been clear that he is monogamous and doesn't want me to hook up with other people. I've joked with him before that if he doesn't give me sex that I'm gonna go find it with someone else but he doesn't seem to understand that I'm kinda serious.
He's out of town right now as he goes on work trips often. I've been on grindr looking for hookups and I'm torn on what I'm gonna do.
A huge part of me wants to go be a cheating slut and go let someone breed me like I'm seriously craving and missing, but I'm also rational enough to know that it's technically wrong in multiple ways in terms of a committed relationship.
Part of me thinks that I should just live my life and do what I want and what makes me happy, which in this case would be to go get my hole filled up with warm cum. I hadn't regretted any loads I had taken prior to meeting him, in fact I am happy with myself for having the courage to fulfill that desire in the past. But with him in the picture now, should I give up that primal desire just on the possibility that he might find out, and give up these opportunities while I'm still kinda young? Or do I give in to my urges to secretly get my hole sloppily filled with cum by someone else?
