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The thing about CNC is that tops rarely want to go far enough, or they say they do and then back away from it. To be a top who can force a fag to the very edge of consent, there needs to be a deep well of masculine energy and the pure knowledge that his body is a gift. I understand that my body should be so lucky to be blessed by him that any and all pain I submit to is to please him. CNC is the holy ground. It is the deepest worship a fag can give to a man. I have been blessed with the opportunity to have my body used by a few great men who took my hole and used it as it is destined to be used. I have had men push my body farther than I thought possible and farther than I thought I was okay with. Once they got me to submit to their desires, I became addicted to those desires. My need to be brutalized has become an everyday driving force. I think about men using and abusing me every second of the day. There are tons of CNC fantasies I play out in my head daily, and I haven't found a man in some years who has lived up to the brutality and depravity I can take. For me, CNC starts off with just taking what you want from me. Eventually, I will consent, I always do.