It wasn’t porn. It wasn’t even gay. But still something stuck in my sex-fueled 14 y/o mind about it.
Throughout my teens and 20s, I tried to have “normal” relationships with “normal” guys. I knew I “wasn’t supposed to” be turned on by HIV, but the thoughts kept coming back on their own. They made me super horny. I tried to repress this part of me, but it kept asserting itself.
I (quietly) started bugchasing in 2013. The next year, I started dating a guy who told me about a new thing called PrEP. He wanted both of us to start Truvada, and I reluctantly agreed.
Then we broke up. I stopped Truvada and I never returned to using condoms. I imply dropped my presumptions about how I was “supposed to” act. I paid attention to my body's reactions, and embraced the thoughts behind them.
Slowly the poz scene became the most powerful sexual attraction I could find. I accepted that as part of my nature. I no longer feel conflicted, and I'm much happier (and hornier) for it.
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