ready4it

Hi, I'm fairly new to men, 40+ recently divorced, I'm tired of fantasizing, I want a hot POZ Top gay man to make me his for a night or weekend. Please help me out

I had my 1st Gay experience less than a year ago, I was in LA on business and was just tired of fantasizing so one night I went to a club in Santa Monica, I forget the name, and I met a CD. Now realize I had still been wanting my 2nd ever experience with a man but since I dated women so much I kept putting it off and hoped it went away. So to make a long story short, I was very attracted to this CD and wanted to kiss her and give her head, getting fucked was not on my mind at the time, but obviously that changed. We went back to my hotel and after more drinks she told me to sit by her on the couch, I was so nervous but the second after we started kissing (1st time I ever kissed a man) the nerves went away. We were feeling each other up and I'm embarrassed to say it but I stopped and said I don't wanna cum yet, I almost came in my pants, remember this was 4 months after my 1st experience so you can imagine how bad I wanted it. So she said let me give you a massage, I got naked, on my stomach, on my bed. She got some lotion from my shower and just started massaging me everywhere, it was the greatest feeling ever. I still remember vividly she said, "do you want me to get naked"...Of course I said yes. The massage got much better we started to kiss, and she gently straddled my face, I started kissing her thighs, her balls, cock, etc... she sat on my chest and said baby do you have any condoms? I said no but I want to taste you. She said baby, I'm sorry but Im HIV+, I just went silent, she was sitting on my chest and ran her hands through my hair and said we can still have fun baby, its not the end of the world. Then she said, do you have any saran wrap? I said yes so she wrapped her cock up in it and I started sucking for like 30 seconds and remember looking at her and saying just take it off, so I sucked her for awhile, we 69ed for like a minute and I said stop because I was about to cum again, she said oh its okay baby, let me massage you some more. I turned over and she basically used 1/2 the bottle of lotion, we were all oiled up and i could feel her on top of me rubbing against my hole and I thought to myself, i need to stop but it was so relaxing I just couldn't, she would rub her hand (she had nice nails like a woman) under my balls and along me ass crack slowly and it just got to a point where i said, fuck me. She said oh baby we can't do that, and I basically begged for it and I'll never forget when she pushed in, it hurt at 1st but i didn't want to say no after I asked her so many times. It started feeling incredible but whats weird is what i remember most is her hands gently rubbing my head and face at times and kissing my neck. She fucked me for about 10 minutes id say and I'll never forget her saying "oh baby I'm gonna cum" and I stayed silent and she came inside me. I'm still fairly new to gay sex but thats by far my best sexual experience of my life and I never would have thought in a million years I'd want an HIV+ person. I really want it to happen again, hopefully I can find the right gurl.