concerned1

I am a strict or "total" Top. I am not versatile and never have been - I have never bottomed in my life. I have only ever topped. I started off doing safe sex topping but after the first time I made a mistake of doing BB, that was it. It felt way much better (to the point where doing it with a condom was almost not pleasurable at all in comparison). BB sex became an addiction. I have, over a 4 year period, BB'd indiscriminately. I don't know the exact amount of times, as I stopped counting. However , it is currently less than 100 times and is somewhere around perhaps 40 to 50ish times. The majority of times, I "came" quickly as I tend to be a premature cummer (due to just how intense the pleasure of BB is, for me) and so most experiences were brief. However some of those experiences were much longer fucks, and I sometimes fucked very hard and very deep. In the early stage of my BB'ing, I had a really hard acne spot on my foreskin...and although this never bled or anything when I fucked, I fear the HIV virus would have got through this. This is the biggest thing which concerns me. I was told that most guys who BB indiscriminately with anonymous people are HIV positive (but who know they are positive and are on meds) - this initially gave me some hope and confidence, as being on meds reduces the risk of passing it on (especially if "undetectable")....however up to a quarter or more of all HIV positive guys with HIV don't know that they have it - and would therefore be on high viral loads - I wonder how many of those such guys I have fucked? I have not tested for a long, long time as I am terrified of being told I'm positive. I know deep down in my gut that I am. It would be most unusual to not have gotten it, even without the acne spot in the early days, as I've been doing it with too many people for far too long. That's my belief. I would put money on me testing positive. I am, however, not as knowledgeable as others on here, perhaps those who work in sexual health...maybe they can confirm for me that I am to expect a positive result as the most likely outcome. I decided a few months back to finally stop doing BB. So far so good. I've stuck to that. Alas, I fear, it is far too late already. I know topping is somewhat less risky than bottoming, however I highly doubt that will be my saving grace after the amount of time I have been doing BB and the number of times? As crazy as this sounds, I think I cannot face a positive result so much to the extent that I feel I will just wait to fall ill with an opportunistic infection.....not intentionally because I want to do that, but just because I am so, so, so unable to hear that term be confirmed to me: "HIV positive". I did have a sexual health check only several months ago (and not long before I stopped the BB) but without a blood test (and therefore with no HIV test) and I was told everything (like for gonorrhea, chlamydia, warts etc) came back clear. So, should I be expecting, as my gut tells me....an HIV positive result?

I am sorry if you think I'm a troll, I did not know my profile had that, I've changed it to Top.

As the title says, guys, that's the question. I have been before but in summer and it was in daytime and early evening....did not hardly see any action...a few guys but it was not very good. I have been advised it doesn't really "get going" until the back of 10 o'clock at night. Is this true? If anyone is up for going some time soon with me (on a Saturday....this coming one perhaps?) please PM me and we will arrange a meet, maybe a drink first before we go. I am interested in the so-called Bareback Fuck Tree that I have read about on here.

Thanks for PM'ing me. As a result, let's close and forget this thread now and treat it as dead. I wanted someone to PM me all along, that was what I asked for. Fillmyhole thank you, I am going to the private message section now, let's talk for a few minutes .

Fillmyhole, even in the unlikely event I test negative (yes unlikely, no matter what you say....nobody can BB this amount of times without PREP or PEP or without testing and remain neg...it seems you just want to ruin?), will there be positive guys (undetectable) who will be willing to allow me to have fun with them??? Fillmyhole it's a shame your in the USA, as your pic is (despite not showing a face) rather sexy.

Oh no worries. It's good you've accepted the scientific facts! Once my positive result is confirmed, then and only then will I commence to serosort with other positive guys who are willing to enjoy BB. I also will not have any sex now (BB or otherwise) until I have tested AND the results come back. Also, can someone please just tell me I'm right that I am most likely the result will come back positive? Please give me some encouragment. It will be good to accept it and finally be able to get positive undetectable positive guys to BB with.

if anyone is in the UK, and positive and undetectable , please private message me! Thanks

With all do respect (and honestly, you seem nice and have been kind enough to respond to my thread) may I say, "come on man, get real"? ! I've BB'd 7/8 times....in the absence of PEP afterwards or PrEP beforehand....to have avoided infection would be almost impossible. Thanks for the serosorting info. But may I ask, what is BBRT?

Where can I find fellow poz guys who are undetectable?

I accept the odds are not in my favour at all, I know I am most likely if not inevitably positive - despite being exclusive top in all BB situations I have done (I know of many positive guys who got infected being the top on only one or a couple of occassions....so the odds for me are dire)....I'm already going through the accepting phase of my new virus, what I want to know is not whether I'm infected or not because I am (or at least most likely am)....I want to know whether I should continue to BB (by attempting to sero-sort or whatever) or should I just use condoms from now on, should I just do whatever I feel like doing on the occassion? You can feel free to Private Message me instead of adding to this thread .

I just joined this forum after stumbling upon it and I am glad I did, because I feel I am here among people very much "in the know" when it comes to HIV. I am someone who has always played safer sex only , up until only very recently. I am a strict top, I have bottomed only on a few occassions (maybe 5 times, and always protected, that is the other guys always wore condoms) and have topped a few times also protected. However, as I say, very recently I have had what I call high risk encounters and I am mostly likely HIV positive as a result. I was in a sauna, and couldn't get hard during this particular occassion for some reason, I tried topping this guy but it just wasn't happening, so I took the condom off and we didn't have another one. I was rubbing (frotting) my cock on his hole, and it felt good for both of us, so he asked me if I am "clean" which I understood what he meant - to this point I'd always only had safer/protected sex with condoms so I said yes, and so he said well just do it....so I put it in him and I did BB with him until I cummed (which did not take long, the BB took place for about 2-3 minutes, definitely no more than 5 ....I think 5 would be a huge exageration, I am pretty sure it was about 2, say). After this experience I was so dissapointed with myself, as I had always played safe. So, a few months later, I won't go into details...but the memory of how pleasurable that experience felt led me to doing BB again with someone else....yet again, this was extremely brief (again less than 5 mins). Roll on a few more weeks, and another experience....the BB only lasted a few seconds. Some time after this, another experience....not sure how long, but definitely no more than a couple minutes (I'm a premature ejaculator). I was top. THEN recently I had BB again and this time it was for a longer period (about 15 or 20 minutes...at least that's how long it felt). Again, I was top. Then a few weeks ago I went inside someone BB but I didn't even thrust, the hole was so tight and it felt so good, that I didn't need to do any pumping....this may sound unbelievable , but trust me, I went inside him and pushed as far into him as I could without pumping and within only 1 or 2 seconds of going in, I swear that I cummed. Yes, literally without thrusting and straight away after going in. I also briefly inserted ("dipped") another guy on the same day. I accept that these are all high risk experiences and that one or perhaps more than one of these encounters has ended me up with the virus. It would be an EXTREME stroke of luck not to be positive after all this. I concede the fact it's harder to transmit from bottom to top, HOWEVER that said, the number of occassions and the fact I didn't take PEP or PrEP/ whatever, I accept I am most likely positive. WHat should I do now? Only go with guys who want BB from now on? Or should I cover-up my cock until I get my Positive result from a test, in order to protect other guys? Also, I asked on another website (I won't mention it here, it's a HIV website with forums for positive people living with the virus) about this and they just kept telling me to play safe, well what's the point, if I can enjoy BB with other guys who WANT to do it also...accepting that I am almost definitely poz and perhaps most of them are too...but on that website they told me HIV is, contrary to popular belief, very difficult to transmit (and I quote) "even in the most ideal of circumstances....that is, high viral load undiagnosed top to negative bottom with ejaculation"....and that I should chill out first and just go for a test. I told them no point , as even IF the risk PER EXPOSURE is extremely low....the amount of times I have done BB raises that risk and goes against me....I accept I am already poz, they told me to stop and shut up, so I thought these people are crazy. Maybe they are afraid to accept reality. I mean, if HIV was in actual reality THAT HARD to transmit, then why on earth in the 1980s and early 1990s were so, so, soooooo many gay and bi-sexual men falling dead with the virus? Hard to transmit, YEAH RIGHT. DON'T THINK SO. ANYWAY, they couldn't help me, because they didn't WANT to....but you guys can. All I want help with is this: should I or should I not continue to just have BB sex from now on accepting my (most likely) positive status OR should I only do safer sex to protect others who are mostly likely negative? Should I just do what I want? I have decided not to have anal sex in the meantime. I just do not want to infect others. That's my main fear of continuing to do BB is that I might pass on this virus to others.