Alchemist

I think some feelings or thoughts never fade. They're inked to our souls. When I was far from ginger I was just thinking how would he react to things that happen in my daily life. I never managed to find him again. I know he still thinks of me as I do. I hope he's still there when i go.

I'm glad you liked the expression. It's "τρικυμία εν κρανίω" (100% translation is 3 waves in a skull). About the ethnocentric people.. it's ridiculous. They will remember Alexander the Great and how big Greece was back then, then they will say he was a Christian.. they will say Socrates was a Christian.. they believe that Christianity is unique and that Jesus was the only person to come back from the dead.. Persephone is like bitch please. Today we had a patient with Neisseria gonorrhoeae infection. Everyone was too shy to ask about his sexual behaviors and the whole patient interview was almost poetic. No one dared to ask "are u gay" but there was a vague sense that he was. It's almost as those exercises in school that they ask you "what did the autho mean when.." That's about the homophobia part. Being gay is an offence. I never called myself str8, it was easy for me to accept that i liked boys. I had a crash for my eternal ginger friend. Not exaxtly sexual. It was too young for that I suppose. But his sight made me feel happy. Steven King had a small poem in a book ("it"). Your hair is winter fire January embers My heart burns there, too. it could sound silly, but that was what I felt about my ginger. So if u like romance you may like that story as well. In any case, I hope my friend likes my hometown..

The greek culture is confused as fuck. We have a saying which if i was to do a word to word translation would say "sea storm in a skull". That means that someone's thoughts/idea are very confusing/ don't make sense. Some people say that greece exists bcz of christianity forgetting that the classic antiquity is way before that. They believe in both Zeus and Christ and they are confused (to put it gently). They even believe that gay sex did not occur in ancient greece ignoring all the classic texts. I took for granted that my friend is a) str8 b) in love with her, so I advised him accordingly. So I chose to tell him my unbiased as possible opinion. About homophobia yes, it does exist. I think that the surgical field is more homophobic than internal medicine for some reason. If i was a haematologist it would be easier in the hospital I think. I was a bit brave today, I rubbed his back when I said hello and i'm pretty sure he liked it. We also book tickets for my hometown. I'm stressed a bit.

Well that thing frustrates me. I have no opinion how religious people should do their rituals, who do they have on how I live? But that's another story. You are right about that question, i hadnt thought t that way. I know it happens but I just can't understand it. Why marry someone that you don't want? It's 2021 you don't need that much of a cover, do you? What is interesting is that he wants to visit the US with me. Although that journey will be about my returning to my hometown. See my friends again, my family (although i'm scared of meeting my father again no matter how he is). It's not a go see the sightseeings trip. I thought he was just joking but he did ask me to book tickets for us. He als told me if he stays to the states, whether Americans are racists towards Greeks. The short answer is i don't know. I never passed for a Greek so I'm not the one to tell. Plus I'm a little worried he will spent 2000$ for tickets and stuff to see something that he wont like. Greeks think that the States are the same thing from Alaska to Kansas and beyond full of skyscrapers. But my hometown doesn't have sky scrapers and it's actually a small town that will be frozen by now. Maybe he just needs to run away.

heya That culture thing is a big deal. Even for me, I always felt more of an American than a Greek. Actually, I'm treated like an American (meaning foreigner). Part of this is because of my tiny American accent when talking in Greek. I work in a big university hospital (1000 beds. Small detail: for hospital beds we say hospital + the ancient greek word for bed, not the modern one). So I don't know how a small one would feel but I have to tell u this; christianity is a must. All hospitals have a small temple (even medical school has its own and dental school next to it has also its own). There is a weird blend of different kind of people there. I mean there are obviously gay people who are part of it and face no problem and people who are gay in secret (like me!). My professor (I call him "mine" cuz apart from being a residet of anaesthesiology, I'm the deputy leader of his research time) is not very okay with gay people. He would call a guy fagot behind his back and that stresses me a bit. About me returning to the US. 1. it would feel more like being at home 2. If something bad happens let's say an assault or something I believe you can report it and have an action done. If you do that here nothjing will happen it's just a take it as it comes and stfu. 3. yeah it would be easier to be gay there. I'm confused about his marriage. I'm not sure if initially he had told me we would marry by June or if someone else had told me. He was always like "oh i'm not the family guy". In my eyes, he's an almost rich, beautiful guy who has a lovely wife/girl/woman and I see no obvious reason of not having children and marrying. So I spoke my mind. He didnt tell me he doesnt love me, but as little as I know him, I think he doesn't. I mean he's okay with her, she's good looking and they get along. But maybe this is not enough. In any case i'm not thinking "oh yea drop her and take me". So I told him what i think. I'm quite a chicken to tell him i'm gay. I'm seeking for a chance to do something.. so as for the circumstances to be..ehm favorable? dunno

You're right about this guys. I do have some lack of solid information but i got some yesterday. He slept at my place, we went to a theatre and had a dinner together. We had some good time together. He told me he would marry by the end of July, but he feels like he shouldn't. Actually he told me he's not into marriage and that he asked her to marry bcz he felt bad for her. That could be a greek thing bcz some people may think that if u respect a woman uhave to marry her otherwise you disprect her? or sth like that. She also wants a kid but he doesnt feel into it. I told him that since he is in a good age to be a father (for greece's standards its around 30+), he has a good job, she has a job .. well the circumstances favor that. I told him that he would never be ready, but he could do it. But still he's not into it. He asked me if a had gf and i said no. So he asked me if i have sex and I said no again (which is true). I was trying to tell him that im gay but i didnt feel sure. He also hugged me when i told him sth about my family.

At 12 by my father. He used to do it quite often. I knew it was bad and i was scared but i never really reacted against it.

I have a small update.. A patient hit on me (a female). That's not very unusual. You are just kind and keep ur distance. If it gets worse you just ask someone to replace you. We were chekcing her medical her after surgery (she removed her appendix). She was complaining about being nauseous. I don't remember exactly what she said but something like she's dizzy bcz of my looks or something. I kinda thought my friend was annoyed and when we dscussed about her medical hstory in his office he was a lttle bit angry. He said that I deserve someone way better than her. I gambled by saying "like who?" and he said i don't know but not her. U need someone who is good looking as you. And he called me for fun "sexy american boi" he touched my shoulder and left his office. I was confused. Later, we changed clothes (when we are about to perform a surgery) and we saw us almost naked. Actually he saw me more than I did. I felt shy looking so I had turned my back. He turned me towards and he said that he should return to the gym too. He asked (for joke) whether the names on my chest where members of my fan club. I laughed bcz i didnt know what to say and we moved on. I'm confused bcz all these could be just some fooling around and nothing more. I think that I really like hm as a friend. I think if an emotion grows inside me it could be a little more towards love (lke loving a friend) than passion.

i found it by chance so I thought i could try making a thread here. I could try it in a greek forum but they would start saying stupid things and the topic would be locked by the admins. Plus, I think I'm losing my patience with Greeks. There are times that I'm seriously thinking of returning to the states, I have the citizenship and I have passed the STEPS (the process for recognizing a non US medical degree). So it only takes to make this decision.

First of all I'm so happy that I can make posts again. I dunno why the forum won't let me post more than 3 (I think) messages here. Well I suppose it's one of the things u say without actually meaning them, just because it sounds "fun" like "oh everything sucks here take me with u to another planet" or whatever About real friends.. i don't know. If he can think for himself (and not being let's say brainwashed by stupid stereotypes) i suppose he would be cool with that. About the women hitting on u, I feel u. Most of them ready mysterious/charming doctor that waits for his princess or something. I've been called gay once bcz I have a tattoo with 7 names on my chest. Only one of them belongs to a girl and a guy called me a faggot that i was ganbanged by the owners of these names. And he would insult me and hit me without me fighting back. that was funny because I was taller and stronger (I do boxing). One time he called me faggot he punched me in the face and made me bleed. So I punched him back several times and I told him aye, i'm a faggot and i pretty much like it. And that could be my first coming out story haha. @bbzh your message is so true. So so true. When I had that ginger guy that I really loved (as a friend) I wanted to touch him. Not fuck with him. More like hugging him. And that hug made me happy. I guess strong emotions could be expressed via sex? Maybe it gets too intense and being verbal (I love you) or a quick hug is not enough. Maybe there are cases that sex serves just to show how you love someone. Btw,when my ginger friend would touch me/hug me I would fall asleep. @BareLover666 I agree with what u say. And i'm glad I found this site bcz i can just communicate. Gays in a close distance would want to fuck not talk. I do need to get him something back, not about the value but about the meaning of giving a gift. It's something we do in Greece. When you are given a gift you have to give a gift back too. So as to be a balance. About the friendship part, he shared something with me. A kind of abuse he had from his father. I felt glad that he felt safe to share. And his eyes became watery. I got agry that his father would be cruel. Funny thing though, I never got angry with mine, although he was way way way way way worse. I didnt quite share my story bcz he will keep asking and I wll have to say many things. Not that I don't really trust him. I just wish I could forget them. I think that a part of me loves being from the US and wants to return and another part believes that by not rethinking of certain events will make them go away. @onyourkneesI'm not outwardly speaking about being single and wanting to be wth someone too. I'm not fantasising. I'm trying to think. And the more I think the more confused I get. And I can't grow up, at least I can't control it, this is who I am. I'm trying to figure if i want him as a lover or as a friend. This gets blurry in my mind many times. I can't easily draw a line.

Actually I don't know if the thinks I'm gay. So maybe ths could be a thing str8 people do. But you know, even drinking a beer or watching a movie with him feels nice. I need some fun, even if it's a night out. No I haven't mentioned anything about gay people but we watched It (part 2) that there was a gay (almost) romance inside. He didn't comment it (which for the standards of greece is a good thing). I don't think he would be "angry" with gay people. He is a calm person so far. And he complains often about church. He said that I should go back to America because I would make money there (everybody thinks that when someone goes to the states becomes rich in a magical way). My American father wasn't rich though. Whatever. He said "take me with u" for fun. So.. what I do know about him.. he doesn't have any obvious negative feelings about gay guys and he is having fun with me. Oh he also bought me a book (it, the book of the movie we watched) which i found very kind. I should take him something in exchange.

No offence taken, don't worry. Well, I did have a partner with whom we were happy together. Or maybe we should be happy. He was cute, he loved me. I was cute, I cared for him. But something I felt hollow. I never had the courage to tell about the days in the US. Only my accent can give my secret away. I think I need both friends and a lover. Not in the same person, necessarily. I hope it won't sound too cheesy, but when I lost all the friends of my adolescence, my ginger included, I lost interest in having someone that close. So about the guy, I make plans in my head about how this could work. There is a sparkle, I can feel it. Whether a fire can be lit, remains to be found. He told me something about him, a small confession actually and that made me trust him with a secret of mine. I told him I had a hard time in the US but I didn't dare to tell him details. He was so interested about that. And I asked him if he wants to sleep at my place (his gf will leave Athens for the weekend) and he said yes.

@BareLover666 hey and thanks for ur post. I think quoting Madonna was awesome. I live in Greece and I'm in the closet cause my family wouldn't accept it. It's not that if people at my work knew I was gay something big would happen. They could call me faggot behind my back or make a silly joke, but nothing further. However religious people tend to be over ehm.. reactive? But still, it wouldn't be the end of the world. I'm trapped in a situation where i don't feel "threatened" enough to be 100% hidden but I don't feel 100% safe to uncloset myself. I agree with u, I need to be more open. @tallslenderguy that was a very interesting story you have. I am sure that religious enviroments can be.. brutal. Sometmes women like me because I'm in the closet and I don't look like a gay looks (based on their stereotypes). I feel very stressed when a girl/woman touches me. I have also a story that u may find interesting. I grew up in the US, in a small town. Although it's a memory I try to forget, most of the people (if not all) are blissfully unaware of this. I was abused several times by my step father. And I always thought that it was my fault, that since i'm gay I provoke it. But I was too silly and it never crossed my mind that he should not do that despite my sexuality. I met a guy there (we were 13), a classmate. When I saw him I fell in love. It made me feel that It was okay being gay. That thing that I felt in my heart, it just couldn't be something bad. It was the most precious feeling I had ever felt. We were best friends. I hadn't sexualise all that, I just wanted to be with him, to hang around. He was ginger with green eyes. I think that we loved each other. We didnt exactly know, but our friends knew it somehow. They didnt took us for a couple, but for example when i was at the hospital they would come and say "oh where is your ginger?" and things lke that. When I left the states, the last day he told me "don't be a stranger" and he was almost crying. I never managed to find him again on social etc. So.. apart from my ginger guy, the guy i started the thread about.. he's the second guy that I feel for..

I think that a nice guy will be good looking no matter his (natural) hair color. I've found very hot guys with grey, black, brown and blond hair. But my all time favourite will be red. Ginger guys. That intermediate actually between red and blond. Like Seth Green (especially his color when he played Richie in It 1990). i think i will never ever have even a hook up with such a guy becuse in my coutry you mostly find black and brown. Even people who are light brown are called blonds here. Do u have any preference?

I'm back again! Maybe the forum doesn't want me to post during daylight for some reason haha We booked tickets for two theatrical performances (but not just the 2 of us, some other people from the hospital will be there). But still i will get to see him more. We went outside for a coffee after work and it was really nice. I dared to ask him about his gf and how are they together. He said he wants by no means to marry anytime soon. And he also told me that I shouldnt be hasty when I'm about to do this too (so does he think i'm str8?). I dropped a little hint though about a professor we have. He told me he is annoying and i told him he is a DILF and he replied whoever finds that guy sexy should be arrested. So unofrtuately i dont know what he understood. He also gave ma drive home which was so kind of him. oh and he came before to my department to ask me out for that coffee and a colleague came and told me "your new friend is looking for u".

that's so cool. I believe most people in health have a high sex drive for some reason. I think not even these guys know if they are flirting or not. btw, the person that has hurt me more than anyone was a dentist. I think it will always hurt. Although it was not his fault, or mine. It was just meant to be I guess.

Well i just wait for now, for his move. I am intrigued though by his interest. I don't think there is much going on apart from the movies.. every other day we come in contact with covid cases and our noses are fucked up from the constant PCR testing. So mostly dinner and movies. I dont know what he will do. I hope we fall asleep together this time 😄 I agree wth you. it feels so nice. Like, I love my job but sometimes I'm stressed for silly things. And now I'm like oh wow nothing stresses me I feel so good. I dont know what will happen with us. Only time will tell. But I had a time that i didnt have a boyfriend or time to have one and I just feel "alive" and a zombie

Hello again guys. For some reason the system only allows me 2posts per day, dunno why. Am i that annoying? 😄 @BootmanLA I was basically making theoretical hypotheses. @hntnhole My gaydar is quite irresponsive too, I'm afraid. Several times str8 guys (with which we were friends) used to touch me and I was thinking they could be gay, but they weren't. He asked me if i wanted to see the second part of the movie (we watched "It" 2017 pt1) and I said yeah. He also asked if we could have dinner too and i said yes (of course). I agree with ur advice, let him do the first move. I dont know, I keep on thinking of him while at first i thought that he was just interesting.

I'm sorry if i sounded like that, i didn't intend to. I just try to describe the facts, so as to listen ur opinions. He didnt quite leave me alone, he must have watched the movie for about an hour i think. but u are rght about the "almost slept together". We were in my bed though. That "want something to be there" reminds me of a song that said "there's something there that wasn't there before (love)" hehe. Although it's a bit "tormenting" I do like this thing. It somehow led me to study more and to work out more (although i do work out almost daily, i just try harder). And bcz i had some rough times.. even being able to fall in love, makes me feel alive again. Should i feel guilty that i like someone who has a gf? Regardless if he likes me back. At least i'm more certain now. I'm not falling, i'm fallen. He bid me goodnight (for tonight) and he told me he'll see me tomorrow. Which okay, i suppose everyone would have said that but still it made me happy.

Well I'm not fantasizing. If i had to bet, i'd say probably he's not into guys. But I think that even making a true relationship (i mean friends) that love each other is a thing to make u happy. u know, not someone who u go out and u say hey he's my friend. but someone that you love and u mean t. maybe a little of bromance. that description with the TNT is sooo good i loved it haha.

Sorry for my late reply, the system said I had exceeded my daily post limit. So about the thing him being superior (in terms of the job) this is not true. We are in different hierarchies. In terms of academia I have a phd which he does not, yet this is irrelevant. We are different specialities. About the girl, we're not in the states, so these words don't apply. He would call her "mine" , which is the standard word for someone's girl/boyfriend. I do have a curiosity what they do together though (which is odd, they're a couple, they fuck, sleep, eat and argue basically i suppose) No I havent told him that i'm gay, i'm afraid i'm what we could call "in the closet". So I'm kinda confused about that. I do expect a chance that would trigger something between us (if there is something to be trggered). We almost slept together yesterday. He came at my place to watch a movie and actually I fell asleep. What is weird is thathe didnt wake me up, but he continued to watch the movie while next to me. He didnt however touch me, hug me or anything. When I woke up he told me to continue sleeping and he would go. He didnnt want me to wake up but i had to unlock/lock the door. Today he bought me a coffee and he made a small joke about "the anaesthesiologist that sleeps".

Well.. I'm not sure if i plan to make a move yet. I only try to be sometime with him at work. I dont know if it's important for the "story" but we're both doctors, i'm an anestheiologist (trainee) and he is an ER doctor. So he "calls" me when an anaesthesiologist is required but it's not like we spend the day together. We talk a lot about work too.I dont plan to discuss my feelings yet. These days, my routine revolves around him. Which is kinda nice, it adds a little extra. I hope he feels the same. About the girlfriend I'm confused. Is he str8? Could he be in the closet? Could he be but so scared of it that he can't see it? Am I at fault?

That's an interesting way to describe love. I agree. I mean I like the way he looks, but I'm not thinking of his dick or asshole. I asked him to watch a movie at my place and he said yes. The best phrase to describe my feelings is the title. I'm falling for him.

I'm 29, he's 32. We work together. Not exactly colleagues, we just happen at times to help each other. By chance, we found out that we're neighbours. From the first time I saw him, I liked him. Not sexually (at least not only sexually). I don't know how I should put this. Looking at him makes me feel nice. Since then we talk quite a lot, we even partcipated in a sports even together and took a photo together that we posted on social media. However, he does have a girlfriend with whom they live together (not married though). So I said okay he's str8, you should "protect" urself. But.. I don't know. It feels like he wants to contact me. No sexual hints involved but we have fun together. We make each other laugh, we hold nice conversations. We even talk at night via messenger. And I'm confused.