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A week ago I received his standard email message "Oi Rapehole, its time" meaning he wanted another session. Those 4 words strike an almost overpowering surge of emotion within my mind and in my arse. A flood of euphoric excitement mixed with abject terror causing my guts and in particular my tight arsehole, to clench in fear. I sat in front of the computer screen reading those four words over and over as flashbacks of our previous sessions replayed like a pornographic horror movie in my mind. In cartoons the hero often has an angel and a devil on each shoulder arguing the pros and cons of an action. I was having a similar experience as my mind argued about going through with this again. Replaying past sessions reminding me of the hurt, the pain, the degradation and humiliation. I grabbed a coke zero from the fridge and drained it in seconds as I tried to calm down and make the rational choice. Within minutes I had booked the flights to London I had met Dan over a year ago during a trip to London for work. He was a maintenance worker on the London underground which kept him fit and strong he had a firm toned hairy body and a thick 7" cock between his legs. we had originally met on an App called Growlr (Grinder for Bears). During the course of our conversations he had admitted he was into spanking and liked to cause pain. I confessed I was a bit of a pain pig and loved rough sex and after a couple of weeks of chat I had another business trip to London and he agreed to meet me in my hotel room. our initial session was intense but tame compared to our other sessions however it helped me to convince him I wasn’t a psychodrama queen - talking big but crumpling into a mewling pathetic "oh daddy please stop it hurts, its too much" timewaster after a few spanks over the following months I'd meet dan for sessions as we explored our darker fantasies. Finally, we discussed ways to allow him to become more aggressive in his punishment of my ass and I raised the idea of a brutal ass-rape and asked if it was something he would consider. he warned me it would be extremely painful and if we did it, he wouldn’t stop for anything. No safe word, no tapping out, no limits. He tried to warn me he would abuse and degrade me for his amusement only. that nothing in the session would be (intentionally) for my enjoyment. he took a copy of our online chats as security - showing that I knew what I was getting into and had asked for it - in case I changed my mind afterwards and claimed I was an unwilling participant. he then set some rules: # A spotless clean hole # no stretching with toys # no poppers until he gave permission and definitely not before he was balls deep in my rapehole # and finally, and most obviously - No lube he said it was for "authenticity". that if I was grabbed by a rapist on the street I wouldn’t get any of those things so why start our scenario by cheating. he said if I cheated then he wouldn’t be able to trust me anymore and we wouldn’t hookup again. I agreed to his terms and made the arrangements. I booked an apartment near kings cross which would be handy for him when he finished work. at 6:10 on the day in question the buzzer to the front door sounded and I pushed the button, fear causing my insides to clench as I assumed the instructed position on the bed - head down Arse raised and pointing towards the door. I was to stay in this position during the raping and not look at him I heard him coming into the apartment and dropping his bag on the floor then his jacket fell on the floor beside it. I wanted to look around and see his handsome face but I dared not disobey. this was gonna be hard enough without pissing him off *SMACK* he swung his arm in a wide arc, his massive hand striking my right arse cheek Hard. I yelped then yelped again as he struck the other raised arsecheek I could feel the heat from his body against my arse. he was standing right behind me. I felt his warm breath against my hole then his dry middle finger was shoved right up my tight bung hole. I grunted as he pistoned it in and out roughly for a few seconds before pulling his finger out and putting it in my mouth ordering me to lick it. I thought he was gonna apply the spit slicked finger back into my hole to provide some relief but no it was just another humiliation. I could hear him getting undressed, occasionally slapping my presented arse hard. he started talking in a low voice, describing what my terrified butthole looks like. reminding me I had agreed to this, quoting my own words from our recorded chats. questioning the room at large if my hole was likely to rip when he went in. finally, I felt him standing behind me his furry thighs pressed against me, his rock hard cock pushing gently between my cheeks and pressing softly almost tenderly against my pucker. If my hole could talk it would have been screaming at me to pull away. I braced myself for the initial thrust I knew the pain was inevitable at this point when suddenly *Smack* he hit me across the back of my head hard - I was seeing stars "you dumb fuck, almost forgot your present" he threw his dirty boxershorts on the bed in front of me. he had obviously been wearing them all day if not longer. "turn them bad boys inside out slut". I obeyed, noticing evidence of various stains on the off-white material. "Now stuff them in your gob - don’t want the neighbours complaining". I reluctantly obeyed his nob was still pressed against my "rapehole". he grasped my hips strongly putting more pressure on my dry hole. I braced myself "Slut this shit just got real - Do you really want me to rape you???" in fear I shook my head "NO" "Good!!" He rammed his dry cock inside me. I screamed!!!!!!!!!! I tried to lunge forward to escape from this violent intrusion. I lost all sense of perspective, my entire world shrunk down to the fiery inferno pain in my arse. I had managed to dislodge only about an inch of his cock from my burning shithole but it was enough to piss him off. he pulled me back onto it causing fresh pain in my hole and guts. he started slamming deep aggressive thrusts into my ass, every so often he would slap my ass or the back of my head or punch me in the kidneys This was Waaaaaay beyond the fantasy, this was more painful than I could have imagined. Dan slapped my ass hard a few times saying "fucking slut, why didnt you tell me you were having your period" and laughed. Dan's kidney shots were also having an effect. At one point I thought I was leaking pre-cum but it turned out I was pissing myself Finally, Dan started to thrust in short fast strokes till suddenly with a growl he started unloading his spunk inside my torn shitter. He fell on top of my and after a few minutes rest he pulled out and ordered me to clean his cock As I suspected it was streaked with blood. I stood up, he wrapped his arms around me and I did the same to him and whispered in his ear "Hello Sir... Thank you!!!" I had a big grin on my face and I kissed him deeply and passionately This was the start of a long, painful and degrading night for me as Dan abused me in many ways. It was the first of four loads I took that night from him and the first of many similar sessions So Here I am again, head down arse up in response to his 4-word summons, waiting for the buzzer to sound. He said that tonight was gonna be special but didnt elaborate. I'm as scared today as I was back then. It feels like rape each time but can you really rape the willing???