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Found 1 result

  1. ErosWired

    Thesaurus of Cock

    Whenever I am not being fucked enough (okay, that would be constantly) I find myself lying here thinking too much, and occasionally about – unsurprisingly – cock. We have all been down the list of words than mean “penis” - oh, don't give me that, you're not fooling anybody, you had a big cheesy grin on your face at the time, so just admit it – and I considered it today. This modest standalone Thesaurus of Cock boasts a prodigious number of synonyms. One source I checked noted 174 items, dwarfing (to my surprise) the listing of Urban Dictionary. Another source offered a more robust 238 terms. Compiling different ones, I arrived at more than 350 alternatives for cock. This is important for three reasons. First, if you are a writer of a better quality of smut, it becomes necessary to switch up the common nouns after a while to keep things fresh, and to build effective metaphor: His basilisk turned itself to stone and slithered relentlessly into the twink's moist cavern. Second: Take that, you DoubleList and Grindr censorship fuckers. You think you're so damned clever because your filters stop us from using cock? Well I've got a 7” disco stick and I'm ready to dance all night. Third – and this is what got me thinking to start with – there are some words used for cock that turn me off. Top of the list is pecker. Ha-ha-ha-HA-Ha! Ha-ha-ha-HA-ha! My name ain't Woody Woodpecker, dude. I'm not fond of dick, either. I don't have a “Richard”. Wiener has never worked for me, and after the whole Anthony Wiener thing, it never, ever will. Willy – nope. Nor any of the silly, nonsensical names like dong, dork, tallywhacker, or who who dilly (someone was seriously repressed). Also, the terms that tend to diminish cocks don't do it for me: chubbie, dink/dinker, peeter/peter, twig, weewee, and winkie. Bear in mind, I'm not so much talking about what I don't like my own cock to be called – frankly, gentlemen, I'd prefer that you ignored my cock altogether and focused your attention on my ass. The greater danger is in what a Top calls his own equipment because of the affect it can have on my response to him... including a tendency to giggle. (Giggle stick? Really?) I provide the compiled Thesaurus of Cock below for your use, in alphabetical order. A few observations: This listing is not intended as comprehensive. I have no doubt that you will find omissions from your personal experience. A couple of entries are simply prefixes that can be added to just about anything, purple-headed and one-eyed. An attentive reader will note that most of these terms could be grouped into broad categories, like Edibles, Military, Mythological, Musical, Zoological, etc. One category that suggests itself is Friend/Companion for the number of entries like Big Jim and the Twins, Mr. Happy, Little Alex, and so forth. If using this for writing alternatives, be alert for the Law of Diminising Returns. It is possible to choose a word that will destroy any credibility you may have with the reader. For instance: His purple-helmeted warrior of love struck the puckered door to the fortress like a battering ram or even For over an hour his trombone played sweet rhythm and blues to his lover's ass, before closing the set with a shot of jazz. Use some common sense. Some of these are strangely specific, and I am at a loss to describe the context in which one would appropriately use them: Nebraska State Capitol, Chairman Mao, Jerry Springer. The presence of Luigi but no Mario or Wario is puzzling, as is the complete absence of any Pokémon reference – including pokémon. Lastly: If you happen to be the owner of Krull the Warrior King, please contact me at once either by text or email. Please. Thesaurus of Cock 100% all-beef thermometer Alabama black snake albino cave dweller anaconda anal impaler antenna appendage appendicle Aries baby arm baby maker bag of tricks bald-headed yogurt slinger baloney pony basilisk BBC beaver basher bed snake beef whistle Big Jim and the Twins big Italian salami bird bishop blue-vein sausage bobby dangler bone boner boom stick braciole branch bratwurst broner bud bulge burrito bushwhacker candle Captain Chairman Mao chap choad chopper chub chubbie chup chut clarinet cobra cock cock rocket cod Colonel cornholer cranny axe cucumber cum gun custard launcher cyclops D D train dagger danger noodle dangler deep-V diver dick dick smalls ding ding dong ding-a-ling dingis/dingus dink dinker dinky dipstick disco stick doder doinker domepiece dong donger dork dragon drill drum stick dude piston easy rider eggroll elephant elevator excalibur extremity family jewels fang ferret fire hose flesh flute flesh tower footlong fuck rod fuck stick fuck truck fudge sickle fun stick gearshift General and two Colonels genitalia genitals giggle stick goober goofy goober groin ferret gut wrench hairy hotdog hammer hard drive hard-on hardware heat-seeking moisture missile helmet head hockey cocky hog hollow point homeboy hose hotdog hotdogger Humperdink jackhammer jagoff Jerry Springer Jimmy John John Thomas Johnson joystick junk katana kickstand kielbasa King Sebastian knight knob Krull the Warrior King lady boner lamb kebab lap rocket lawnmower leaky hose Lieutenant/Leftenant lightsaber lingam lipstick Little Alex Little Billy Little Bob little buddy Little Elvis little friend Little Stevie lizard lollipop Longfellow love muscle love rod love shaft love stick love whistle Luigi machine main vein Major male organs man meat man muscle man umbrella manhood mast master of ceremonies master sword meat meat and two veg meat injection meat popsicle meat stick meat sword meat thermometer member microphone middle leg middle stump mongoose monster Mr. Happy Mr. Knish Mr. Winky mustang mutton Nebraska State Capitol netherrod nuclear missile ol' one-eye old boy old chap old fellow old man one-eyed... P packer patz pecker Pedro peen peepee peeper peeter penile Percy Peter Ph.D phallus pickle piece Pied Piper pig skin bus pink oboe pink torpedo pink tractor beam piss weasel piston pitched tent pizzle plonker plug pocket monster pocket rocket poinswatter polaroid pole Popeye pork sword prick Princess Sophia private parts privates privy parts pud purple-headed... purple-helmeted warrior of love putz python quiver bone ramburglar remote control reproductive organs rocks rod rod of pleasure rooster Russell the love muscle salami sausage schlong schlort schmeckel schmuck/shmuck schnitzel schwantz/schwanz sconge screwdriver sea monster sebastianic sword secondary sex characteristic sequoia sex organs sexcalibur shaft shlittle shlong short arm shrinkage silver bullet single barrelled pump action shotgun single serving soup dispenser skin flute slut slayer snake sniper rifle soldier spawn hammer staff steamin' semen roadway stick stick shift stiffy surfboard tan banana tallywhacker tent pole thing third leg throbber thumper thunderbird thundersword tinker todger tonka tonsil tickler tool torpedo tramp killer tripod trombone trouser meat trouser snake tubesteak twig twinkie Uncle Dick undercover brother unit vein wand wang wang doodle wanger wanker wankie warrior of love Washington Monument wedding tackle wee wee wee weenie weiner whang whiskey dick who who dilly whoopie stick wick wiener wiener schnitzel willie winkie WMD (Weapon of Mass Destruction/Weapon of Male Destruction) wonder weasel wonder worm wood yardstick yingyang yogurt gun yogurt hose yogurt slinger yoo-hoo Zeus zubra zuchini
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