[Neg2Poz] Journey into bareback & bugchasing: Part II

[Male22192]

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After losing my virginity bareback, I was hooked. That fetish I had always had for condoms completely disappeared. For the next two months, I was hooking up daily. When it came to hooking up, I always felt unsatisfied when someone wore a condom inside me. And when I went bareback, I asked the guys to pull out. Shockingly enough, every guy that I hooked up with for bareback, did so. I always wanted their cum inside of me, but I was scared out of my mind of HIV. Since I didn't let anyone cum in me, I still felt like something was missing.

Around that time, I started experiencing guilt about what I was doing. I felt like if I continued to do what I was doing, I would end up POZ. So from that day on out, I went completely cold turkey. Zero. Zilch. Nada. That was my sex life for eight years. And let me tell you, I felt so incredibly frustrated! My heart was saying yes, but my head was saying no.

Sometime in 2010 I started looking on the net at various bareback blogs & forums. However, it took me until one random Friday night in August 2011, when my roommate was gone, to act on my desires. I decided to post an ad on Craigslist just looking for some cock to suck. Simple enough. Within an hour, I had over a dozen responses. So I picked the person that most interested me and had him cumming in my mouth. Still I wanted more. I checked my e-mails and found one from a black guy with a beautiful eight inch uncut cock. He wanted to fuck. So I invited him over for some bareback fun. Unfortunately, I was way too tight since it had been so long. He couldn't stay in me for more then 30 seconds at a time. I was just too tight for him to finish off.

From that moment on, I was hooked! I needed cock like I needed air. The next two times I hooked up were bareback, but unsuccessful yet again. I was just too damn tight for anyone to stay in me for an extended period of time. I was sucking cock daily though. In the meantime, I started plugging myself, which helped to make it so that I could take cock. However, after practicing, it seemed like everyone wanted to wear a condom while inside me. Part of it has to do with that the usual type of guy that I hooked up with was married and afraid of catching an STD. But I figured sex with a condom was better then no sex.

One random day, I stumbled upon a porn video on Xhamster with guys that were clearly poz. They even had some lesions! I jacked off to the video, with my plug inside me. It was one of the most intense orgasms I ever had. I knew right then and there that I needed poz cum in me, since that was what turned me on. I wasn't necessarily looking to become poz, I just wanted poz loads in me. That fear of HIV had finally went away since I knew what I wanted.

The problem was finding poz loads in the suburbs. If I was a twink, I would have no problem what so ever, but I'm not. With a little extra effort, I did find three different poz men to fuck me. Unfortunately, after arriving, they all chickened out telling me they couldn't follow through with fucking someone that was neg. I even had one guy cry in my arms for pete's sake! After that, I changed my status from neg to ask me. I also changed my profile to read that I was OK with poz loads. Still, I had two more guys flake out on me after talking a good game.

So even though I was looking for poz loads, I was having an awful hard time finding them! It was especially frustrating, because I was 100% serious about taking poz cum after having broke through so many barriers within myself to get to this point. In the meantime, I turned down neg load after neg load. The only thing that turned me on was taking poz loads. I didn't want a load in me unless it was poz and I knew it was poz! It took me a long time to arrive to this point in my life, but I am glad I finally got here. Now I just wish I could find some poz cum to satisfy my poz cum lust. I guess a trip to DuPont Circle is in store!

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