[True Life Tales] straight people not having sex and pawn shops

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Straight people can really miss some good oppertunities when they dont have sex like gay people. I went for a coffee with my friend Suzie the other day, and she told me the weirdest story.

Now Suzie is into amatuer dramatics...I know but who am I to judge...so theres a guy at the amateur dramatics club called Jamie. Jamie works in a pawn shop in the city. Ive met him once and hes lovley, like really nice, genuine guy with a huge heart, as well as being massive physically, well over 6"4. Jamie has a girldfriend, Kirsten, who is also in the amateur dramatics club.

So the other day, Suzie, Jamie and some others, but crucially not his girlfriend went for a drive down to the beach. But it was cold and wet and windy so they decided to drive up to the park instead. Now for some reason at the park, Jamie asked Suzie if she would get her clothes of for him and he would do it to (note these people are all in their 20's). Suzie wouldnt do it in the park, so Jamie suggested they go back to his flat. So all four of them went back to the flat, and Jamie and Suzie went into the bedroom, stood a good foot apart and took their clothes of. So their both standing there, naked, then they put their clothes back on...despite the fact that Suzie fancies Jamie something rotten, and I assume Jamie does too.

This is where I had to put down my bucket of caramel latte and interject.

'so you just stood their looking at each other...and nothing happened?' i asked in disbelief.

'Yup, but he was huge though, I mean massive.' she gestured with her hands and I gasped.

'actually??'

'yeah, and he wasnt even hard, although he said he was getting a semi!'

I was in shock. I didnt get it! How could you be naked in a room with someone you fancy and whp has a big whoore of a knob!! Straight people make my head hurt sometimes.

So they put their clothes back on and then went back to the others, who knew they had been in getting naked. At the amateur dramatics club the next night, Suzie and Jamie and the 2 others kept laughing about the whole getting naked/massive penis thing, much to the annoyance of Jamies girlfriend Kirsten who kept giving Suzie evils. On that actually me and Suzie did a little onlne stalk of Kirsten so i could see her and shes ugly as sin.

So while we were out having coffee, Im like i want to go see jamie!! by the time we had finished tho the pawn shop was closed so we agreed to go the next day.

So the next day (yesterday) I got this dug out this really expensive necklace my dad got me but i never wear it becuase my dads not a nice person and I dont want to wear it to take it down tot he pawn shop. We walked in and there was Jamie, looking all tall and hung...Suzie was talking to him for a bit then nudged me to say i wanted to sell this necklace I had. Turns out they would only give me £40, it was white gold plated, not actual white gold, it didnt surprise me though, my dad is a cheap git.

But Suzie and Jamie had a good flirt. He was showing us his knew PS3, and I said

'it looks big, can i stroke it?'

Jamie looked taken aback and Suzie laughed and said 'he knows!'

quite amusing, and we're all going out next weekend, so if they havnt started dating by then I have to take some evasive action to get them together, as im much more likley to get a photo of Jamies big knob if him and Suzie are shagging!!

But straight people really need to get a grip, if there in a situation where they can get pumped...get pumped!

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