Administrators rawTOP Posted February 15, 2010 Administrators Report Share Posted February 15, 2010 Click here to see Nick's original blog post on True Life Tales... Its been over with the doctor for a few weeks now, just as long as I have stopped smoking actually. I think it was over from that disastrous minute I said I love you, and didnt mean it. I think I consigned myself to repeating the usual patterns of relationships... 1) Have fun for a few months 2) Tell them I love them when I dont because I think they wont like me enough unless I try make some sort of overblown gesture or commitment 3) Introduce them to my mother 4) Never speak to them again. It wasnt just me that was the problem with the doctor, it really was him. Like I had been away working all weekend, and I get back. I knew I only had a couple of days before I had to go away for work again, so I decided to spend it with the doctor rather than going home. So he picks me up from the station, and all is fine, kinda. Im stressed and tired, and hes not exactly supportive. He says stuff like 'what you doing that for' when its my fucking work, and doesn tlisten then asks again a few minutes later what all that was about. At the same time I had a homeless couple staying in my flat up north. They were in between staying with a friend and getting a house, and had been sleeping on someones floor for months. I wasnt home much so I let them stay there. But I get a text as im on the train heading home from that weekend I was working at, saying 'can you call us asap please, thanks.' I try call them, cant get through. I was going out of my fucking mind very quickly. If the landlord found them I would be toast! Had they had to go to hospital? Were they locked out? I didnt know! and I didnt know because i couldnt get any answer on the phone or the text. I even called my flatmate to go and check on them see what had happened, he said there was no answer at the door. So as you can imagine when you hav a homeless gay couple in your flat and on the other side of the country, and cant get through, your kinda worried. The doctor wasnt much help, he said something along the lines of 'well you put you arse on the line, serves you right.' Turns out the problem was the fire alarm and i couldnt get them on the phone because they had gone out and left their phones at home! To add to that, his other doctor friends came round that afternoon for tea...yes, he may only be 25 but he has fucking afternoon tea. So they were chatting and I was feeling about 12 years old. He was working the next day, so he goes to bed about 10 and I stay up watching TV. The next day, I had a really important, stressful meeting, but decided to make him dinner. After my meeting I went to the shop and got some really lovley food. I came home, cleaned the kitched, put his washing on for him and made chicken parmagana and taglatelle carbonarra, yes...two meals in one! He came home, 'whats that your doing?' I put the food down in fron of him 'whats all this then?' in a snooty tone. What the fuck right? It doesnt get nay better. I was going out that night for my mates birthday, and really wanted him to come, but he couldnt because he had work and the rest fair enough...but as im getting ready, he gets a call from his mate, and oh suddenly hes off out too. That night I had a brilliant night out, and I started referring to him as my ex! The next night im trying to get to sleep on my couch while other people are fucking on my bed, and I get a text from the doctor saying 'if you ever leave the kitchen in that state again you wont be comeing back.' that was it for me, i went off on one. A few days later he apologised, said he was joking...whatever. Last time I spoke to him was a week or so after that, I was stoned out my nut, got a call from him, telling me to come over the next night. I didnt, and shouted down the phone to him. And havent heard a peep since! The thing is, hes depresed. He never wanted to be a doctor, but his father is also a doctor, as is his sister and his other brother. He never told me he never wanted to be one, I told him, and he knew it. Plus hes got this secret life. Hes not out to his family, and you cant keep it going for so long. That didnt put me off though, I would have stuck by him and helped him figure out who he was and what he wanted, but he was too scared, and there are only so many times that I was goin to try and help him and be rebuffed. Untill he loves himself, he cant ever love anyone else, and I deserve someone who can love me and himself. More... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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