JakeTurner Posted September 13, 2012 Report Share Posted September 13, 2012 See Bear4PozLoads original blog post... I got tested in early January and when I got tested I intended to become poz as soon as possible. Part of me wanted to bottom at Mid-Atlantic Leather, but I didn't. Part of me was still resisting. A little less than a month after my test I told a poz guy I knew that I wanted to take his load. He offered to go off his meds to give me a toxic load, but I told him not to since I wasn't sure I'd go through with it and didn't want him going off his meds for nothing... Even as it was, I didn't know if I'd flake on him or not... I wrote this to him in an e-mail... i'm of two minds on it... on one hand i fantasize about it constantly and when i'm fucking a guy i'm usually thinking about pozzing him or if he's poz about how that's sorta fits with him being a bottom... so i'd be massively turned on if i were a poz top. then there's the misgiving side of it... i think i should just keep things how they are - that being poz isn't worth the hassle of it - especially when (as a top) it's not inevitable. i also wonder how i'd feel breeding some guy who's neg who's just being careless - like tonight a straight guy contacted me - his girlfriend is out of town this week and he wants a dom top to use him. it'll be his first time having gay sex. if nothing else i feel sorry for the girlfriend... Part of me was also wondering whether the chase and the uncertainty weren't hotter than actually being poz. I mean a lot of this is done so I won't be shooting blanks any more, but once I go on meds, I'll be shooting blanks again. He responded to that by saying... I should tell you that the feeling of pozzing someone is somehow hotter when you're not sure. Like when I was just starting taking poz loads and was topping some guy who said they were neg, the rush was hotter than anything because my brain was "what if?!" I just wasn't sure this was a road I wanted to down. Emotion was compelling me forward, but the rational side was wondering whether I was doing the right thing. At the last minute I canceled on him and then uncanceled. Whatever was going through my head I needed his load. I told him I just wanted an anonymous pump and dump. He came, most of the lights were off in the apartment. We undressed with just streetlight coming in through the windows. I got on all fours on the bed and just wanted to get fucked. I was in a really quiet place - very compliant and submissive. He had a big dick and even with a lot of lube it took a while to get it up inside me. He pushed me onto my belly and fucked me. I'd know if I was his type or not, but I knew he got off on the idea of pozzing me, so I egged him on telling him to poz my ass and give me that dirty load. In all honesty I wasn't in that headspace right at that moment. I just wanted the load and wanted it quickly since I'm not very good at getting fucked - so I was egging him on just telling him what he wanted to hear so I could get what I wanted. Even though I just wanted a pump-and-dump he wanted to talk about stuff when we were done. In the conversation I mentioned I bleed pretty easily and he told me later that really turned him on. Eventually he left and I was left alone to my thoughts. The bottom line was I wanted the load and I got the load. The next day I found out some really good news (long-term, life-changing sorta thing) and wondered whether chasing was such a great idea. But I had chosen to take the load and I was OK with it... I wrote the following to the top... So been thinking about having taken the load. What I like is that I'm no longer 100% confident about being neg. That'll make fucking neg bottoms a lot more interesting But I don't really feel like actively trying to take more loads. It may happen from time to time and I find myself cleaning out before hooking up with vers guys, but then not using my nice clean hole ... I don't really need to go hunting for more complications. If I were mostly a bottom it would be different, but I'm not... So chances are good that you'll be my load for the year... Hope that's enough for you... So that was the first load of 2010. I could feel something changing in me psychologically. More and more I was fantasizing about taking some masculine top's poz load... More... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts