[Bear4PozLoads] Took My First Poz Load

[JakeTurner]

See Bear4PozLoads original blog post...

First some background. For a while now I've been wishing I were poz. Most times when I fuck neg bottoms the fantasy of blowing a poz load in their ass is what get me to cum. In other words, I want to be a poz top - I don't want to be shooting blanks. Call it fucked up - whatever you want, but it's where my mind has been for a while now. I've been a follower, on and off of Bareback Exchange (gift giving and bug chasing "fantasy" website) for years now. There were even times when I'd wear my PA when it was irritated and sore when going to mostly poz gangbangs hoping some of the poz cum that would be in the bottom's ass would do it's trick. But I kept testing neg.

I've thought of getting fucked to hurry up the process. I'm a horrible bottom - I just can't take dick, and my ass is usualy dirty. On top of it all, I have a tear down there that bleeds whenever I get fucked. So I knew it would take long to get pozzed if I found the right high viral load top.

The other thing was I wanted it videotaped... I sorta had a fantasy of finding some 20-something recent ex-bug chaser who wasn't on meds yet...

So with this one guy I had a lot of those elements... The video camera was rolling, he was not afraid to be videotaped , he was poz, he was hot (but not in the way I fantasized about), and most importantly I knew he'd be up for it. The fact that he had a big load in his ass was a total turn on as well.

So when he started playing with my hole, I just let him. And then when he was laying on his back jacking his dick I figured I'd push the point and I got on top of him and tried to push his dick up my ass a bit. He got the message... I saw some lube on the side table so I got up and put some up my ass and a little on his dick and tried again. But I was really tight and it hurt like hell, so he put me on my belly and tried to fuck me that way.

Again, it hurt like hell - I could feel my tear down there opening up (at least that's what it felt like). But he was persistent and kept pushing until he was in me. But I couldn't really take a real fuck. He held it in me and then slid back and forth gently. Then he pulled out and laid next to me and jacked his dick. I think he was being polite not wanting to cum in me unless I asked for it. So I told him "if you're going to fuck me, I want you to cum in my ass", so he went back to fucking me.

It went better this time. The pain actually subsided for a bit. I kept telling him to cum in my ass - that I wanted his load, but the problem was he couldn't cum without giving me a proper fuck, and I could barely take what he was giving me. So he pulled out and jacked his dick until his orgasm starting building and then he stuck it back in me and blew his poz load up my neg ass.

So, I had finally done it and had the courage to take a poz load. He pulled out and we laid next to each other. Then I climbed on top of him and said "you're poz, right?" (I knew the answer.) He said he was. I asked his viral load and he said he was undetectable. I was a little disappointed. Sure, there's a chance I'll get poz from taking the load (especially given my tear), but it's a lot less than if he were off his meds or something.

Then I said "you know I'm neg..." He didn't know it - he had assumed I was poz. Then I felt his dick spring to life and get totally hard again. Just as I figured, it was a total turn on for him to blow a poz load up a neg butt (we're similar that way). We chatted a bit more - he told me how he likes topping tops - how he'd fucked a top in just the last day.

The one bad thing was that the video camera ran low on battery and shut itself off right before he came in me. So we'll just have to do it again to get a better video of me taking a poz load...

When he came in me I didn't really feel him ejaculate, but when I got up my ass felt all wet and as I was walking around afterwards I really had to struggle to keep the load up my ass - it kept wanting to run out my hole and down my leg, but I wanted it to absorb. I knew his load wasn't all that toxic, so I wanted to make the most of it and get every last bit of absorbed in me.

As far as how I felt... I felt a bit numb. On the one hand I want to be poz and sorta hoped this load might be the one, but on the other hand I just took a huge step that could have far reaching implications. My mind started thinking about the fact that I've been wanting to get life insurance on me so my bf is OK if anything happens to me. They do these mouth swabs that check for HIV and some other stuff. I need to get that done really soon, before antibodies start showing up.

But I'd have to say my over-riding goal in all of this is to be able to blow a poz load up the ass of a neg bottom. I really want to be a "gift giver". I've been thinking a lot lately about who I'd fuck and who I wouldn't when I become poz... There are neg bottoms I fuck on a regular basis - I'd keep fucking them. There should be enough fucks before I actually test poz that I'd infect them. Then I could tell them when I find out and it would be too late. In fact as I fuck them I often think about how when I become poz they're pretty much coming with me.

Bug chasers are pretty simple - they want it, I want to give it to them. And there are those who are genuinely trying to make serosorting work - those I wouldn't fuck. But then there's the gray area - the guys who advertise for anonymous neg loads. I'm not going to lie to anyone, if they ask, I'll tell them I'm poz, but if a guy is advertising for neg anonymous loads and doesn't ask my status when I reply, I'm pretty sure I'd breed him...

Other than the fact that I want to do another "take" with the guy who fucked me to get better video footage (and actually get the cumshot this time), I don't think I'm going to take loads on a regular basis. Though I'm guessing when he and I hookup I'll let him fuck me. And I might try to find someone younger and more potent. Though he and I do have really good chemistry.

So we'll see. It feels like I just made a huge step toward something...

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