Barebackers that get outed?

[fuckboy20]

So the question I'm asking is who has been outed for barebacking before. And if so how was it resolved or was it resolved.

...And as usual with me here is a long lengthy story/rant. But at least there is a disclaimer this time around.

Well I'm somewhat in this situation right now. I used to be part of a large pansexual leather community in my area. I knew a few straights, gays, and women. Couples and singles. I stepped back from it and so did those close to me who I was involved with in a poly relationship. When I went to a leather bar for the first time after a few months had passed I was greeted warmly and questioned if I was still with my Sir which I replied I was. Fast forward a little and I started barebacking and went to bars still. I did hook up with a leather man who barebacks and declined an offer to be fucked by him and his circle exclusively. But I started going out to sex clubs more and taking more anonymous loads and sometimes in dark rooms. And then at a bar once a guy who hit on me a few months ago I saw and when we talked about having sex and it got to fucking I confessed to taking it raw. He preached to me in the middle of the bar in front of everyone and I stood up for myself and strongly.

I thought he was an asshole for doing that and a condom nazi. Last time I went to the leather bar I was alienated almost. I was barely acknowledged by people I used to know in the community and afterwards it was like a dead cold wind. It's like I should have never said anything. I thought it was just because I haven't been in so long. But I used to always get compliments from people about how I was such a good boy, sub, and how I make my leather family proud and represent them well. In fact this is one of the reasons why i stopped going to that bar and haven't been since then. Well that and other bars I go to pour stronger drinks.

But this weekend I was told by two people close to me that they heard from a reliable source and through someone that I have been barebacking. I already told them I did before when I confessed to escorting. Judgement wasn't passed on that but they weren't happy I barebacked. My first question was who said it. I think it was that guy I refused or when I was on manhunt last week I cruised someone who I did not realize was someone I knew from the community until a little later. No messages were exchanged but I unlocked my pictures for him..which reveal I take loads. I locked them after realizing who it was which was probably two late. But it had to be one of those two.

But they were disgusted with me and I admitted to barebacking in December. I haven't really barebacked past December anyways so that was mostly true. But again a lecture and don't bareback, twenty somethings shouldn't be poz, and bla bla bla. They even had the nerve to advise me to go tell those people that I don't bareback and it's just a rumor. I just fucking admitted I did. Talk about wanting to protect their own reputation and image. That was a huge slap in the face. Like hell I'd do that anyways. They warned me that someone in the past got outcasted for barebacking and everyone finding out about it that they had to move. That interested me because I knew who they meant. But they warned me to stop and that it was bad for my reputation and that I won't be accepted by the community if they know I bareback and become poz and clients and etc.

I thought fuck this at first but then I realized I'm actually pissed. Why? Because more then likely the bastard blabbermouth is a barebacker whether they are out about it or not. But to be quite honest the whole community is about tearing down those who are strongest and stand out. And they already did that and I really have no influence or presence in leather anyways so going after me is just unnecessary overkill. But it's my fucking business and my life not theres. That's another thing that pisses me off too. I'm no way involved in leather anymore and I've moved into an apartment and even though I'm roomates with one of them still. Let me live my own god damn life. This probably will what I will have to say eventually.

I've already realized that there are leathermen out there who will fuck and accept me as a bareback bottom out there. Hell some would even probably make me their boy and I'd be proud to serve them. So thinking that scaring me by saying that it will spread to other communities and they won't accept a leather bottom who barebacks is a lie. And they know that. And if they don't then they are really fucking clueless. It's still irritation though. When I start going to bars again if someone might snicker, "oh he is the one who barebacks stay away from him". Or go far as to assume I'm poz. I'll probably call them out on it if I catch them. I'm not ashamed to bareback. l know the risks of it and I understand the age I'm at. But I can't ever go back to condoms unless I really have to. I won't hook up with random guys as much and not be after loads as much. But it's also the connection you get with someone when you feel their bare skin in you. It's something that can't be experienced by condoms.

Unfortunately as much as we love to bareback, learning about it, or hesitant it's part of our lives. But as open or proud or not open as we are it is not someone else's right to out someone for barebacking. Just like it's not right to out someone for being gay or into kink or leather. Which a majority of the straight and bi leather couples fear. There lifestyle being outed to their employer, friends, or family who don't know. Yet they think it's okay to judge someone who makes their own decision and responsibility to bareback. That's just bullshit. But I'm ranting now.

So this is my experience now of being outed. I don't know how it will end but if it comes down to it I'll really have to stand up for myself and they will have to accept it or reject it. They are part of the generation that had to deal with aids when it came about. But I have inherited their knowledge, history, experiences, education, and regret about AIDS. So knowing everything I know if I bareback it's my fucking choice and my stupidity not my ignorance.

But again I'm curious if anyone has ever been outed just for barebacking before and if so how you dealt with it. Or if you are in the process like me.

[einathens]

some people know about me. i got attitude about it in public from maybe 3 people, yet two of them hit me up later on in private.

sounds to me like you need a new community. i recommend you visit the leather & bondage sections on recon, narrow the search to your town and those men who don't specifically check 'always' for the Safe Sex option.

that will give you a pool of guys to chat with, maybe hang out with. and that's a start.

[Guest pozbtm1967]

People make choices. They are free to do what they want when they want daily. It's a choice between two people to decide how and when they have sex, not their friends or family. They can voice their opinions but at the end of the day that's just it. An opinion.

When one makes a choice then one has to live with that choice. It's a fact. The idea that the choice was either good or bad is an opinion. For one person it might be good for another it would be bad.

Its a problem when one attempts to place one's morality on another and not allow that choice.

You can say, "You are free to have your opinion. They are free to have their opinion. I have my opinion. You and they make choices (smoking, drugs or something else even) that I might not agree with at all. You make your choice and I make mine. We all live with the consequences. Do not try to play the high moral card with me when your own morals are based on your own choices, not mine."

[btm2bbred]

fuckboy20, you are right to be outraged about being outed as a barebacker. Especially if the asswipe who did it is a two faced hypocrite--advocating safe sex condom use while bb'ing himself.

If you are being shut out by your former leather friends because of your bb'ing and taking loads, then you should dump that crowd, and find a group of leather buddies who are into bb'ing.

MAL was in DC just a week ago and there were def. two camps of thought there. One for safe sex and one for bareback. I think the safe sex crowd is losing ground, though, as more guys discover the joy of skin on skin sex.

Probably best for you to just move on. With that hot ass of yours it should not be hard to find bb Tops in the Atlanta area who will willingly load you up. Good luck!

[fuckboy20]

fuckboy20, you are right to be outraged about being outed as a barebacker. Especially if the asswipe who did it is a two faced hypocrite--advocating safe sex condom use while bb'ing himself.

If you are being shut out by your former leather friends because of your bb'ing and taking loads, then you should dump that crowd, and find a group of leather buddies who are into bb'ing.

MAL was in DC just a week ago and there were def. two camps of thought there. One for safe sex and one for bareback. I think the safe sex crowd is losing ground, though, as more guys discover the joy of skin on skin sex.

Probably best for you to just move on. With that hot ass of yours it should not be hard to find bb Tops in the Atlanta area who will willingly load you up. Good luck!

I had no idea there were two seperate camps at MAL. But I would imagine that either those who want to play safe are few and far between or some of those who are in the safe camp really play raw. I do sort of wonder about some leather groups out there like hellfire for one. I wonder how many of those men bb. I wonder if more men international bareback vs. in the states as well. Who knows. I would love to go to IML or CLAW this year. You are probably right that there will be two groups of people some who play safe and some who bareback. It shouldn't be too hard to distinguish the two.

@einathens:

Good to hear from you again . I'm glad that at the very least people hit you up in private. I wondered that too. If I see these leather people again if some random guy will come up behind me and be like, "I want that ass raw" or something like that .

@pozbottm:

I agree that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and they are free to their own opinion as well. But the bigger problem is thinking it's okay to out someone and then probably do what you are outing the person for on the down low. Just like outing someone for being gay. The other problem with the moral thing is someone you have known for a long time and respect and think high of. One thing about themselves whether they smoke, drink, bareback, or etc. Should one vice they do really be so earth shattering that it completely nullifies any decent qualities or any memories you had about the person to begin with? I could use a few more examples but I won't. When I briefly went to college I was cool with some people there but once someone realized I was gay wanted nothing to do with me. Diddn't matter that they respected me and thought I was cool before just one "sin" you could say eradicated any decency about me. And maybe for every person there is something that they have where if they realize someone does a certain thing then it discredits them as a human. I don't know. But you are right it's their choice and they are free to have it and ostracize or outcast a person. I've learned that a long time ago. Just like I'm free to be gay and a barebacker.

[vrsbbltn]

Interesting thread, I read all of it because it's well redacted.

I haven't been openly outed as a barebacker (but most probably a ton times in private among gossipers). I have always been aware of the social risks associated with being a barebacker. I think that society is not yet prepared to accept us, not even many gays (who most bb as well, actually).

I guess many barebacker's lives are kinda conservative, closeted. I started living like that about 6 years ago. For example, I don't have a fb account, I have profiles in gay sex-oriented sites/apps, but don't show face pics. I don't hang at gay clubs, don't go to parades. All of this is kinda easy for me, as I dislike living a public/celebrity-like life. My nature is to be more reserved, I love privacy, going out without having to greet 10+ people, not having to memorize special dates and buy gifts.

I do gay things from time to time, but just don't connect. I can go to a gay bar alone, and leave alone, I'm not a people's person who likes to make friends 24/7 and tell everyone what my life is about. I am sure that most probably anyone interested in me in any way will eventually know that I bb, as the community is like a family, everyone knows everyone, and having had sex with so many guys, they'll spread the word. So, once in a blue moon when I am into going to gay places (besides cruising sites), what I do is to go to different and far away ones, not the one that's 10 minutes from home.

I'd like to comment that I fully agree that we barebackers should stand strong for our cause, and let people know that we are not going to tolerate their stupidity. I have been assuming that stand for about 4 months. I still don't openly say "I'm into bb sex only", but if they give me a condom to fuck them I say "I'm sorry I feel it won't get/stay hard" and keep looking for others. If they ask me for a condom I plainly reply "I don't have any".

I think that barebackers should be more united, fuck with likely minded guys so as to avoid problems. A few days ago I went to a dark room and fucked a guy bb. The room was dimly lit, so I could notice almost everyone used a condom, so I was very afraid, as it always happens, that when everyone notice two guys fucking they come as fast as flies towards shit to stare and jerk their dicks and even worst, start touching. It was a place/time I definitely didn't want to be known as the barebacker of the night. Thankfully, there were few guys when I was fucking, and there were 2 other men already fucking, so they stayed by their side, left us alone. So in these situations I think to myself "why can't we barebackers have our own place so we don't have to go through this annoyance".

I don't know what I would have done if I were in such a situation that someone preaches me in front of others. I'm very volatile, to the extreme when dealing with stupidity. I say, if you don't like it, move on stupid bitch, you are not going to be affected in any way. Barebacking is something done among two men that agreed on it, but many times you get the annoying questions while or after fucking. I love when bottoms take raw dick, asked for it like that without a gun pointing their heads, then after 5 minutes or after done fucking ask "you are clean right", "I never do this bb, but you look healthy, not a crazy guy". I used to get scared when asked that kind of question, used to think "this might be a crazy nasty man who is pos already and will try to bother me, etc". I don't anymore, sometimes I reply with a laugh "I think it's kinda late to ask such a question, but don't worry, I'm "clean"". Once a top fucked me bare and came in me, then he said "you are "clean" right? I took a risk in fucking you bb", I replied "we BOTH took a risk, but don't worry, I'm "clean", expect you are as well".

[Guest indynudeguy]

On the outset, I don't think anyone should be making public annoucements about another persons sex life. Seems that you have become comfortable, for whatever reason, with a crowd that does not share your views, yet I can understand that everyone wants to be accepted. Through online networks, yahoo groups, gay events, resorts,etc you can find men like yourself for fuck buds and long term friendships. One buddy leads to another and another and another. In my area the barebackers seem to be almost admired and sought after. Good luck to you.

[fuckboy20]

Interesting thread, I read all of it because it's well redacted.

I haven't been openly outed as a barebacker (but most probably a ton times in private among gossipers). I have always been aware of the social risks associated with being a barebacker. I think that society is not yet prepared to accept us, not even many gays (who most bb as well, actually).

I guess many barebacker's lives are kinda conservative, closeted. I started living like that about 6 years ago. For example, I don't have a fb account, I have profiles in gay sex-oriented sites/apps, but don't show face pics. I don't hang at gay clubs, don't go to parades. All of this is kinda easy for me, as I dislike living a public/celebrity-like life. My nature is to be more reserved, I love privacy, going out without having to greet 10+ people, not having to memorize special dates and buy gifts.

I do gay things from time to time, but just don't connect. I can go to a gay bar alone, and leave alone, I'm not a people's person who likes to make friends 24/7 and tell everyone what my life is about. I am sure that most probably anyone interested in me in any way will eventually know that I bb, as the community is like a family, everyone knows everyone, and having had sex with so many guys, they'll spread the word. So, once in a blue moon when I am into going to gay places (besides cruising sites), what I do is to go to different and far away ones, not the one that's 10 minutes from home.

I'd like to comment that I fully agree that we barebackers should stand strong for our cause, and let people know that we are not going to tolerate their stupidity. I have been assuming that stand for about 4 months. I still don't openly say "I'm into bb sex only", but if they give me a condom to fuck them I say "I'm sorry I feel it won't get/stay hard" and keep looking for others. If they ask me for a condom I plainly reply "I don't have any".

I think that barebackers should be more united, fuck with likely minded guys so as to avoid problems. A few days ago I went to a dark room and fucked a guy bb. The room was dimly lit, so I could notice almost everyone used a condom, so I was very afraid, as it always happens, that when everyone notice two guys fucking they come as fast as flies towards shit to stare and jerk their dicks and even worst, start touching. It was a place/time I definitely didn't want to be known as the barebacker of the night. Thankfully, there were few guys when I was fucking, and there were 2 other men already fucking, so they stayed by their side, left us alone. So in these situations I think to myself "why can't we barebackers have our own place so we don't have to go through this annoyance".

I don't know what I would have done if I were in such a situation that someone preaches me in front of others. I'm very volatile, to the extreme when dealing with stupidity. I say, if you don't like it, move on stupid bitch, you are not going to be affected in any way. Barebacking is something done among two men that agreed on it, but many times you get the annoying questions while or after fucking. I love when bottoms take raw dick, asked for it like that without a gun pointing their heads, then after 5 minutes or after done fucking ask "you are clean right", "I never do this bb, but you look healthy, not a crazy guy". I used to get scared when asked that kind of question, used to think "this might be a crazy nasty man who is pos already and will try to bother me, etc". I don't anymore, sometimes I reply with a laugh "I think it's kinda late to ask such a question, but don't worry, I'm "clean"". Once a top fucked me bare and came in me, then he said "you are "clean" right? I took a risk in fucking you bb", I replied "we BOTH took a risk, but don't worry, I'm "clean", expect you are as well".

Thank you for sharing your view. I do agree with you about not wanting to be so open even about gay. Not having everyone around you know you are gay and who you sleep with and etc. I am similar in that I don't always connect at gay bars or gay events. I don't have to be surrounded by gay men and chat with every single person. I can enjoy a drink by myself and leave by myself. Same goes for events. But you understand to that something about barebacking and becoming that intimate or giving up your body to someone is a connection. Even if it's a temporary one. But it's something that not a lot of people understand. I never once thought that I'd be the person who sleeps with someone and everyone else spreads my business. I don't gossip about others sex life or know who's sleeping with who. If I hear it I don't really care because I have other things to do or that is more important then who is sleeping with who. I did go to a sex club once and while some breed me in the darkly light room one or two tried to use a condom. I tore one off when he was fucking me with one. He did not fuck afterwards but there goes one of his condoms at least.

I remember coming back from the bar one night too I got cruised by these guys and they told me about how they rejected someone because they had "aids face" and was probably poz. I thought to myself how stupid those two were and probably barebacked or got fucked by a what they consider "normal" or "hot looking guy" and how hell he might have even had a higher viral load. I do agree with that I've played with guys at bookstores before and sometimes nothing is said about condoms or barebacking but right when we are really into it they say, "oh do you have a condom", or "Let me get my condom". It's kind of a buzz kill. But I think lots of guys touching and wanting to get involved when people fuck in a dark room is worse. That's why I generally don't fuck in dark rooms like that.

@indynudeguy:

I am somewhat comfortable because for the most part I know who I am and understand enough that I don't have to try to pretend to be something that I'm not or try to pretend to please everyone. But sometimes I still have to hide it for ease of stress. Example, roomate just walked in and almost caught me on here. That would have been a pain to deal with. If I really wanted to I could resolve it with him and the other. But I'm not quite ready to do that yet because that will be somewhat stressful.

I do think you are right. I've made a few buddies here but I haven't gone out much due to transition. But even here or as I travel I think I will maybe be sought after. I like that term

UPDATE!!!:

So..I talked to the one who told me he found out about the barebacking. I sort of suspected this but when I was in North of GA (won't give too much away) I got together with a really hot leather man. I did not consider this at the time but a friend of his..roomate or something knew of the leather community in my area and knew someone that we used to know. He told me he'd tell me about his friend and speak nothing but good of me.

It was meant as a compliment though and flattery since he thought I was a good boy. And the reason to tell the friend was for more to learn about me. Unfortunately, that information went to a certain person who we used to know and who is known to spread everything to everyone. And I already knew he was the one who told the person who told my roomate. But I don't believe it was intended to be a negative thing or to spread it maliciously when the top I was with told his friend. The one who is at fault is the one who told everyone. Because there is always a person in a community or group who feels he has to basically send chain letter to everyone so the world knows. Even if no one cares.

I don't really think I'll do anything now that I know. I know who the guy is I know his nature and the type of person he is. Since the intent was to let other leather men know about me and the type of submissive I am that's a good thing. But advertisement can also come back home and that's something I should have been prepared to deal with. But oh well. At least I know. And hopefully some leather top's out there have learned about me and if that's the case then maybe it's worth being outed like this.

But thanks everyone. I'm glad I learned who did it too.