Am I being unreasonable?

[bigdick4you]

Yes is out of line. I'd reckon this guy has been plotting to find a way to dump you. (That's the change of rules mid game!) And you are made to look like the bad guy, at least in his own head, if not also in his mates minds too. Gather your dignity and let it go, you sound like a decent bloke, he sounds like he has no integrity.

Hope you find someone who can appreciate honesty and respond in kind.

And don't move to his city, maintain your current social network. Good mates are lifesavers,

It has crossed my mind that he is looking for way to dump me....wouldn't know why though as I have been very nice and generous to him....I would normally take him to nice restaurants where I would pick up the tab as he is a student and when his iPhone got stolen I bought new one for him.... The store gave me 50 dollars in gift certificates for the phone and instead of him offering the credits to me.... He just took them.... I didn't say anything but I did feel hurt.... And more things.... He would be very condescending towards me and abusive....and I always put up with it as I love him....a few months back at work a friend of mine just hugged me as she could c the state I was in....I think I want it to work as I have kind of enough of just having sex with guys.... I would love to wake up next to that special one....guess I'm desperately looking to be loved...

[youngslut]

Neither of you is being unreasonable. Hopefully you can talk it out and find some kind of compromise. That being said, maintaining trust in long distance relationships is enormously difficult. I don't want to sound rude, but maybe the two of you are just not cut out for a long distance relationship at this point in time.

[straycowboy]

I can empathize with what you arr going through. My personal response after my last two relationships would be to move on now, and not waste time on trying to prove trustworthiness, you never can in a situation like that. And their are always other people out there to meet and fall for.

[Guest JizzDumpWI]

bigdick4you; reading that last post of yours, the relationship is lopsided. You could do a lot better. Sometimes the desire to be IN a relationship supercedes being in a PRODUCTIVE one. Seriously, I hope you move on FROM that guy; and find a way to reconcile not being in a relationship for awhile. Give it time, it will come to you. And even though the gap might be a bit painful, look for ways to see what is positive about that between time. That alone will put you in a more receptive mindset for something healthy.

J

[bbjoca]

OK, here's my 5 cents of opinion: The other guy is out of line here. Also, I agree with the opinion that he's looking for a way to leave you. Either that, or he's looking for a way to control you; acting all passive-agressive, and making you to jump through loops to satisfy his need of "control". I have seen this before, and the best thing you can do is to leave, or let him leave. I'm not saying this to be mean, but it will never get better - also with the fact, as you write yourself, that he for example took gift certificates without giving it a second thought. His world is his only. Your world is his too.

So the best way is to end this, you don't need to be mean, vindictive or even sad about it. There will soon be another soul made just for you.

[bigdick4you]

OK, here's my 5 cents of opinion: The other guy is out of line here. Also, I agree with the opinion that he's looking for a way to leave you. Either that, or he's looking for a way to control you; acting all passive-agressive, and making you to jump through loops to satisfy his need of "control". I have seen this before, and the best thing you can do is to leave, or let him leave. I'm not saying this to be mean, but it will never get better - also with the fact, as you write yourself, that he for example took gift certificates without giving it a second thought. His world is his only. Your world is his too.

So the best way is to end this, you don't need to be mean, vindictive or even sad about it. There will soon be another soul made just for you.

The sad thing is that he has a lot of control over me...he has a very sweet side to him.... But he can also be kind of vicious and say horrible things to make me feel down....like one time he said I could only find guys if I bought things for them.... Which is not true as before meeting him..... I would pay for nobody's dinner.... The truth is that I can tell he feels superior to me.... He is not the sweet guy I met in the beginning who made me feel loved and cherished and loved being with me....some of my friends say I gave him too much too soon....I went from being this sure about himself kind of guy and fun loving to this insecure about everything kind of person.... He is sweet sometimes when I don't feel well that he asks about me and if I have any issues with my iPad he tries to resolve them.... He just gives out mixed MSG. I think I should just try to ignore him for time being and move on....

[bearbandit]

The good thing is that you recognise that he has this control over you... the bad thing is whatever you do about it is going to hurt you: you have to remember you deserve better. And don't feel bad about falling for his mixed messages - it happens to all of us at one time or another. I've just got rid of Mr Right Now, having discovered the lies, the search for "brownie points" for dating someone with HIV (like I'm some sort of charity!) and the way he gets through a litre or more of whisky per night. All stuff I slowly discovered about him... Like your guy he could be really nice and thoughtful but there was usually an "I want and I am going to have" at the end of it. (And yes, I'm aware I'm probably over-identifying with your situation!)

If I were you, I'd break the control. If he has a key to your place, change the lock. Change your phone number. Well before you've stopped feeling bad about what's happened, he'll be set up with his next victim...

[Guest indynudeguy]

Guy, it seems that all your messages rationalize his behavior in some form. Personally, I enjoy a drama free life. Does fixing your Ipad mean that much to you? Possibly, you already know what you want to do. I certainly hope you don't spend your life getting less than you deserve. You seem like a nice guy. Good luck.

[bigdick4you]

Guy, it seems that all your messages rationalize his behavior in some form. Personally, I enjoy a drama free life. Does fixing your Ipad mean that much to you? Possibly, you already know what you want to do. I certainly hope you don't spend your life getting less than you deserve. You seem like a nice guy. Good luck.

I'm just not the type to say:look what an asshole he is and look how good I am.... I think that deep down he is nice guy..... But very selfish.... He will do whatever works for him first. Do I deserve better? Absolutely!slowly I'm getting my life back on track and stopped blaming myself....it just gets very lonely.... And I think I was in luv with the idea of being in love...I'm just a bit over fucking one ass after the other.... Wanna wake up next to someone.... Wanna have a connection.

[spike-the-cat]

Your subsequent messages change my opinion: He is out of line and he is being emotionally manipulative. End it and get out now.

[daddybear]

I would say that this person is sounding very manipulative and also quite insecure. It really depends what you want, you say in your original posts that the relationship has had its ups and downs (to say the least) already.

How old are you and he anyway?

In my humble opinion I would take him saying its over as a godsend, because from the behaviour from him so that that you describe will only get worse in the long run.

[AversiveSublime]

An open relationship for us was that A) we were free to play apart from each other without fear of being reprimanded IF we were open and upfront about those acitivites. It was only when BigDick did A but neglected B and then I started to realize it that we had a problem. Once trust is broken it impossible to regain I think. No matter how much I want to trust him, i don't know that I can like I did because I have been lied to and cheated on before by other guys and thought he was different and we had something that would take some work but was ideal for both of us. I am less inclined to have sex with lots of people than he is, I go through spurts I guess of a lot of sex then not so much. I know with his profession he travels a lot and we don't see each other much at times and had no problem with him sleeping around, I just didn't want to be shut out when I asked him what he did the night before. Don't think that is controlling or asking too much. Just a security thing for me to be kept in the loop. I told him everything I did in honor of our agreement, I only expect the same respect.

[einathens]

i keep waiting for the posting that says one of you has officially ended this toxic relationship, blocked calls, deleted contact info and started moving on.