Living with hiv as a gay man in the western world

[barebackerboy]

so heres my fist ever start on a thread I really like this site thnakyou so much raw top for launching it . ok let me start at the beginning going back to 1999 I was neg hated condoms and virtually never used them and I certainly did not want hiv , but on saying that at the time including a couple of fuck buddies everyone around me were getting a hiv positive diagnosis and I actually felt left out . then I got a computer and the internet with my isp package I got some free webspace but thought I don't want to just do a bit of a blog about me so I decided to launch the first and to date only british bareback website aimed at people meeting others into bareback for fun I did have people specify there status on there and hoped people were not breeding but that was there choice I called it gaybarebackinguk or gbbuk and it was very successful I ended up adding a members section on the back end to make some money out of it and started making my own bareback creampie films putting them on for streaming and selling them on dvd I even won some bareback film awards at the time and was commissioned by treasure island media to film for them but something quiet major also happened in my life and I had to stop the website anyway for many years since being a teenager I had regular full STI testing for everything every three months and er so much as caught a thing .then it happened after umpteen negative test results I went to the clinic was taken into a room and told my result by a standard nurse no less well it knocked me for 6 I went through all the emotions suicidal thoughts fear and depression councilling the whole 9 yards initially all hiv did to me was make me very tired all the time nothing more really I did not start on meds for 8 years from diagnosis and that was pretty much at the time of infection when I did start to get ill my viral load was really high like half a million but because my cd4 had not fallen below 350 they would not start me on meds i started to come to terms with my diagnosis then I got ill very quickly and had to go onto medication I started on truvada and neviripine that's when my problems started I already had and underlying health condition I suffer from blackout and altered states of consciousness but this got 10 times worse when I got ill since being on meds ive developed neuropathy which I think is being caused by the meds but my consultant tells me im on the best combination and wont change them so it started with pain around the heels of my feet when I get out of bed int the morning acute pain sometimes that makes my legs give way but after taking a few steps the pain does ease and get better , then my eye sight started to deteriorate and now I have to wear glasses full time just to do everyday things my sense of touch varies which also means I have a higher pain threshold than I used to and somedays I cant hear so well , this is all the neuropathy caused by the medication keeping me alive I might add then theres my cock a very important part of me that's brought me many happy hours of bareback fucking and shooting cum up a guys arse I have erectile disfunction too also my penis is not as sensitive as it used to be reqiring more stimulationso I got a p.a. that really helped nowadays I have to use silagra a very strong copy of Viagra and while that makes my cock work when I need it too I still have times when it wont work for me ive recently bought an esim kit the side effects of the silagra are headache and dioreah which puts my arse out of action most of the time even though I do occasionally like to take it . sure being poz does give you a hell of a lot of sexual liberty but at a price boys as you can see mine here hiv is now just a mangable cronic illness but it hasn't gone away by any means and treatments do still fail and people do still die from AIDS even if the governmets cover it up . I will also bring to attention that I live in the uk while we have a great nhs service and my medications comes to me free of charge , the uk government have now passed a law that states "if you are hiv positive then you must inform any new sexual partner before having sex with them even if you do use a condom" otherwise should you infect that partner they then have the right to prosecute you and you can then be sent to prison for biological grevious body harm . before I was poz I could walk into a nightclub pick up a fuck and go home with him no worries no condoms either no problem no im poz I have all this shit I means its not exactly easy to walk up to a guy you fancy in a night club setting and say hi im hiv positive but I want to take you home and fuck bareback its just not going to happen is it so now I find myself confined to certain groups of people I meet regular in saunas and bath houses who I know and know me and we all bareback knowing whats going on . I personally don't understand bug chasing of gift giving or why someone out of choice would actively go out to contract hiv and I would not wish it on my worst enemy what ive been through having said that I still fuck bb all the way till I cum inside someone and always have done have I ever pozzed anyone up well probably but I don't know about it no im on meds and undectable so no virus in my system to pass on as ive proved had a fuck buddy track me down a couple of years ago who wanted pozzing up but after 12 months and pleanty of bareback loads up his arse hes still negative the crook is it had to be me to poz him up as back when we was teenagers I met him in a public toilets took him home and just barebacked him apparantley I was the only guy to do that to him in that way it worries him at the time in case I was poz but I wasn't . ive learnt life is just too short I live everyday to the max I can and have the absolute best of everything that I can afford and have everything ive always wanted but im still single and living with hiv im 42 now and fear what my health will be like in 10 years time not to mention what the hiv meds do to your body . but hey I still love sinking my raw cock and dumping a load up an arse everytime its give me a better bigger buzz than any drug or thrill eve ever encountered in my life im very fortunate that the state looks after me that's all because im not well enough to go to work

[GreenChaser]

all well said, thanks for your honesty and truthfulness.

[wood]

good info, but there really needs to be paragraphs in there!