losttop Posted March 24, 2014 Report Share Posted March 24, 2014 Have this ex for who I still care a lot and that I c occasionally due to geographic distance... When we were together our relationship was turbulent to say the least...but there were also good times. After our last break up we decided to remain friends. I wanted to be FWB, as sex with him was always good. He didn't want this, but while back we hang out for few days and we ended up having sex 1-1 and also having sex with others....something we did when we were together and now again. The truth of the matter is that I always have had trouble reading him when we were together and even now he remains a mystery. He can be very sweet, but he can also say kind of hurtful things...although we had sex I could feel his emotional detachment. Which was hard as I still care much for him and I know he care for me too...the problem is that I worry about him as he uses drugs occasionally and I'm afraid something bad will happen to him or that he will hang out with wrong crowd. Friends of mine say that I shouldn't care and just enjoy the sex when we r together. But I just can't...I still care for him and want nothing bad to happen to him. When I last saw him, it was his idea to spend time together but before I left, he told me that I had kind of distracted him from his work. I kind found it somewhat hurtful as I travelled so long to c him. Maybe I'm just too sensitive and should I go more with the flow... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JizzDumpWI Posted March 24, 2014 Report Share Posted March 24, 2014 Or maybe you need to never see him again... Find new friends where your interactions are healthier for you... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
losttop Posted March 24, 2014 Author Report Share Posted March 24, 2014 Or maybe you need to never see him again... Find new friends where your interactions are healthier for you... I have plenty of friends And FBs...don't understand why I'm so determined to make it work! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dickluva Posted March 24, 2014 Report Share Posted March 24, 2014 I ended a mess last June,2013 with a drug addict with a partner of like 100 years. Best decision I have made since 1985. Nine months later, I'm only now getting beyond the grief. I know I'm slow in this process, most people would have moved on much faster. I finally accepted he loves getting high more more than he likes me, & he prefers the company of another man over me. I don't know how to stop caring about somebody, butt I do know how to stop allowing that person to hurt me. Every time he has contacted me i repeat I don't want to hear from him anymore. Still, I care about a man I haven't had any contact with for 30 years. I still grieve for my husband who was murdered 6 years ago. I keep reminding myself on a daily basis "why should I care about someone who cared so little for me?" xox Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
losttop Posted March 25, 2014 Author Report Share Posted March 25, 2014 I ended a mess last June,2013 with a drug addict with a partner of like 100 years. Best decision I have made since 1985. Nine months later, I'm only now getting beyond the grief. I know I'm slow in this process, most people would have moved on much faster. I finally accepted he loves getting high more more than he likes me, & he prefers the company of another man over me. I don't know how to stop caring about somebody, butt I do know how to stop allowing that person to hurt me. Every time he has contacted me i repeat I don't want to hear from him anymore. Still, I care about a man I haven't had any contact with for 30 years. I still grieve for my husband who was murdered 6 years ago. I keep reminding myself on a daily basis "why should I care about someone who cared so little for me?" xox He is kind of messed up.... He seems to be able to handle his drug use.... He only does it when he knows he has no work obligations and needs to unwind. Don't like the way he treats me though... Know I deserve better.... He can say cruel things....it's not his fault as I let him...he has funny sense of humour....have feeling it's BIG mindfuck the whole thing. Ihave noticed that I am very submissive with this guy although I'm the top...it's strange don't understand it myself! I let it linger while I know he is not good enough for me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seaguy Posted March 25, 2014 Report Share Posted March 25, 2014 You need to cut things off and move on or work on the how you still feel about him. Because worrying about someone like your doing with him leaves you vulnerable to manipulation and in the end getting hurt. It's admirable that you care for him but worrying the the extent you seem too about his use of substances is more than a friend should be worrying. He's an adult and is capable of taking care of himself. Your worry also is not health for you because it causes stress and that is not healthy. Have you considered talking to a therapist about your feelings for him? They are great at helping people with things like this. Then once you get your feelings for him handled and your in a place where you can see him, have some hot sex and then part ways without any drama you'll possibly have a FWB in him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
losttop Posted March 25, 2014 Author Report Share Posted March 25, 2014 You need to cut things off and move on or work on the how you still feel about him. Because worrying about someone like your doing with him leaves you vulnerable to manipulation and in the end getting hurt. It's admirable that you care for him but worrying the the extent you seem too about his use of substances is more than a friend should be worrying. He's an adult and is capable of taking care of himself. Your worry also is not health for you because it causes stress and that is not healthy. Have you considered talking to a therapist about your feelings for him? They are great at helping people with things like this. Then once you get your feelings for him handled and your in a place where you can see him, have some hot sex and then part ways without any drama you'll possibly have a FWB in him. I can't cut off contact with him as I care for him and besides he is intelligent fun guy most of the time. I know that he also cares for me, which is not recipe for success I know. I think he kind of intrigues me.... He reminds me of myself in some way...my good friends say various things... Some say that I should leave him plain and simple and others say that I should just take it for what it is....good sex and nothing more and just enjoy it. The trouble is that I want and c more while there is no more. To be honest.... I think I should grow up! I have plenty of FBs but they bore me after a while.... He is different.... His craziness keeps it interesting and I have discovered my somewhat submissiveness ...which I find hot. A while back he started analyzing me jokingly.. He said that I enjoyed being abused.... Maybe he is right! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seaguy Posted March 25, 2014 Report Share Posted March 25, 2014 Well just be careful you don't get hurt. Men can be pigs! lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
losttop Posted March 26, 2014 Author Report Share Posted March 26, 2014 Well just be careful you don't get hurt. Men can be pigs! lol I know men can be pigs.... I'm one myself.... I just don't go around hurting people.... Don't believe in that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bbzh Posted March 26, 2014 Report Share Posted March 26, 2014 Is this the same guy who has been the subject of various threads you have started over the past year? If so, I really hope you will consider reaching out to a professional for some help and closure. It's really kind of sad to see you constantly pine over someone who does not appear to love you back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bearbandit Posted March 26, 2014 Report Share Posted March 26, 2014 Total agreement with bbzh: you're not going to like what I say, but you need a counsellor more than you need him. Contact THT Direct on 0808 802 1221 for help in finding a counsellor Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
losttop Posted March 28, 2014 Author Report Share Posted March 28, 2014 Total agreement with bbzh: you're not going to like what I say, but you need a counsellor more than you need him. Contact THT Direct on 0808 802 1221 for help in finding a counsellor Lighten up! It's not that my life evolves around this man... I'm out and about having fun with friends and FBs. Won't deny I care for him and I know he cares for me too, but I need to be realistic and realize that I have tried and that it simply did not work out! As FWB we r doing ok. I use this website to kind of vent with fellow pigs. I appreciate all feedback though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bbzh Posted March 28, 2014 Report Share Posted March 28, 2014 (edited) I'm not upset at all about your situation. But apparently you are and apparently upset enough to start different threads talking about the same situation. To be honest, it's getting hard to feel any empathy for you. You clearly don't like how this person makes you feel but you keep going back to him. Then you drop by here and "rant". That's your prerogative. If you want some professional help, then there are resources available to help you. And we are only hearing your side of the story. Something tells me that in your ex's version of this story, you probably don't come off looking so good. After all, there's three sides to every story: your side, my side and the truth. If the guy really is an asshole, stop fucking him and cease all contact with him. Block his email address, phone numbers etc. If you think his company and his ass are worth all the drama, then carry on mate. But always remember, people do to us what we allow them to do. When I see crazy, I cross the street. Edited March 28, 2014 by bbzh 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
losttop Posted March 29, 2014 Author Report Share Posted March 29, 2014 I'm not upset at all about your situation. But apparently you are and apparently upset enough to start different threads talking about the same situation. To be honest, it's getting hard to feel any empathy for you. You clearly don't like how this person makes you feel but you keep going back to him. Then you drop by here and "rant". That's your prerogative. If you want some professional help, then there are resources available to help you. And we are only hearing your side of the story. Something tells me that in your ex's version of this story, you probably don't come off looking so good. After all, there's three sides to every story: your side, my side and the truth. If the guy really is an asshole, stop fucking him and cease all contact with him. Block his email address, phone numbers etc. If you think his company and his ass are worth all the drama, then carry on mate. But always remember, people do to us what we allow them to do. When I see crazy, I cross the street. Not here to be popular or say that I'm good guy and he is asshole... Of course there r always 2 sides to every story...u r missing the point... Not trying to make myself look good and saying that he is an asshole.... And u r right people only treat us as bad as we allow them.. Not saying that he treats me badly.... Just saying that he can be inconsiderate...all in all of course he is nice guy.... Why else would I choose to consider him a friend above all? I don't like how he makes me feel sometimes and I'm allowed to vent about this.... If u don't like it.... Please don't respond to my threads and move on... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bbzh Posted March 29, 2014 Report Share Posted March 29, 2014 I collected all of your threads below for you to see just how long you've been ranting. Perhaps you might try updating one of the many threads you have started about this guy instead of creating a new one every time. Just sayin'. October 2012 https://breeding.zone/threads/16708-Should-I-feel-guilty October 2012 https://breeding.zone/threads/16855-Is-this-normal January 2013 https://breeding.zone/threads/18455-Do-I-expect-too-much January 2013 https://breeding.zone/threads/18694-Am-I-changing February 2013 https://breeding.zone/threads/18820-Is-it-over July 2013 https://breeding.zone/threads/21961-Moving-on August 2013 https://breeding.zone/threads/22359-Ups-amp-downs August 2013 https://breeding.zone/threads/22565-Why-do-I-get-bored-so-easily October 2013 https://breeding.zone/threads/23607-Am-I-the-only-one-who-finds-this-strange November 2013 https://breeding.zone/threads/24086-Still-miss-him March 2014 https://breeding.zone/threads/25904-Is-he-worth-it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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