Hurting myself unnecessary

[losttop]

Good luck Losttop. I am sure there are plenty of guys who are more than willing to bend over for you without creating such emotional havoc. And maybe one of those develops into the type of relationship you are looking for. Who knows?

That would be nice! But at the moment really not looking for sex...it's just too fresh and I did care for him although I shouldn't...why do we fall for the ones we fall and others barely touch us? I also like younger guys than me.... Preferably late thirties to beginning of forties.... Like them tall and butch! Don't care so much for defined physique and perfect pretty faces.... This last guy was kind of out of shape with a belly and bit of double chin... Still loved holding him in my arms and touching that cute belly and hairy chest... Also loved touching his head an massaging it.... I would then kiss his head and tell him I loved him... That was pure bliss for me! Could spend all day like this just kissing and touching him.

[NLbear]

There are plenty of guys you describe who love a bit older than themselves (I know, I get plenty of offers LOL). Just be careful not to fall for someone again who expects you to provide for everything (money wise). It's always best, IMHO at least, that two guys in a relationship are independant from each other.

In the one and only longterm relationship I had, years ago, my BF told me he wouldn't mind if I gave up work, stay at home, like he wanted a wife. I told him NO. I had just started my career and wanted my own money and not sit around all day until the lord and master got back from work, expecting a clean house and a meal on the table and live on his money (which he had plenty of). Luckily I rejected his offer. A few years later we broke up and I was on my own and could provide for myself be it on less money than I was used to, but enough to keep my head above the water.

I do realize that some prefer to be in an dependant relatiosnhip. To each his own. But it can hurt when it ends, for both sides.

This doesn't really touch your remarks about him, but I think worth to point out. I also met guys who thought I would be their "sugard daddy" (even if I hadn't reached the age by then to be named a Daddy) when I had a very well paying job. I never entered into a relationship with those guys as I knew it would end badly, one way or the other.

[losttop]

I never liked paying stuff for others either... I was very much the type .... Today I pay for dinner and next time u pay for it or we split the bill.... Never dreamt about picking up bill everywhere...but I was on vacation and he was a older student with barely any money...it made me uncomfortable when I paid for gas for his car first time... But he was so sweet and had such a boyish charm about him and at same time he was so masculine... That I fell hard for him. Sex was amazing! And he would be always grabbing my hand and tapping my ass .... Something I found so sexy...he looked like total top while in reality he was a total bottom. We used to laugh about the mixed signals that we gave out in bars. The long distance between us was challenging.... But due to my job, I got to c him every month. It didn't matter travellling half around the globe to c him. For the first months I was on cloud nine! We even got rings...I thought he was man of my life. Somehow it changed...he became colder and sex turned to be not as exciting...but I didn't care... He was my baby! I then found out that he had bit of mean streak to him.... He could verbally insult me and behave very coldly...on one trip to New Orleans... We went to this gay bar and there were some strippers... He asked me for few bucks and without saying anything he gave it to this stripper... I felt hurt... He also got his moments where he wanted to top me... I told him I didn't like it as last time I bottomed was like 14years ago.... He told me that if I loved him I would do it. It started gradually, but he became more and more offensive and abusive... He was also colder.... He seemed to get pleasure from hurting me. He would pick fights over nothing...it's hard staying once again in apartment on my own... Won't lie... I miss him... But I know it's for the best.

[NLbear]

I understand the feelings, but Man, all I can say is you should be glad he is out of your live. And keep it that way you hear? As some others already mentioned, no more contact with this guy! The guy took over and wanted to control you for his own benefits. Never let that happen. Good luck!