Newly Diagnosed... Now What!?

[PosBottom4NSA]

Hey guys. 32 year bi white discreet jock got confirmation Monday. I was not surprised. I've accepted it and learning to live my life pretty much the same way I have. Luckily I have a great support group who is helping me. Met with a great doctor who is starting me on meds in Feb after blood work is reviewed. 

 

#1

So there's two sides to me. I love anonymous sex. I love sleazy sleazy sex. I love all sex. I will have to make some changes to the way I went about it. I have to limit myself now as far as just hooking up with anyone because I can't have sex with them without them knowing. If I'm at a sex club that's different. It's to be expected unprotected sex is a risk there. 

 

#2

Then there's another side of me... Romantic that wants to be in a relationship. It's going to be tough to find someone that would be interested in dating me... Yes/no? 

 

I'm a good looking, nice, fun, career orientated man. Does anyone have any suggestions or input on what I can do from here? 

 

So help me...

#1 Apps or websites where I can find good hookups with guys like myself.

 

#2 Dating websites that I can use to help find guys like myself. 

 

Thank you. 

XXX

[snaketat]

Welcome to the tribe.  No doubt, learning that you are poz, regardless of the "hows and whys", is a life changing event.  Not only do you have health issues to manage, you have to understand how your status will effect how others--especially sexual/romantic partners view you.

 

I only found out myself a few months ago, so I still am somewhat of a newbie to the poz community.  A couple of things that I have found in that time:

 

Some in your existing network will distance themselves from you.  Some of that, you may find is age related.  If you have friends and family who lived during the 1980's Aids Epidemic (and were old enough to remember the horror of that time), may still see HIV+ status as a death sentence and a risk to others.  Even more, with the options available to us, many will not understand why you put yourself at "risk".   All of that is complicated for others (and even for me as I look at how I interact with them).  I would advise you to simply be low key with them.  They will learn in time that the virus does not become the only thing that defines you.  

 

And, with the folks who are supportive as you learn what being poz really means, you will know you have people in your life that are very much on your side.  Cherish them and lean on them, you will never fully understand just how valuable their actions are.

 

Legally (and I am not an attorney--just know my own view) I realized that I was now in a place where disclosure to sexual partners is not just "polite", but also quite possible criminal if omitted.  I have lots of views on both sides of the argument, but you have to accept the responsibility for disclosure.  Now that does not mean that you cannot have bareback sex...or even pass your virus to others.  It just has to be talked about.

 

As such, I really do not see much of a change in where the prospects for dating and relationship are located.   No doubt, BBRT remains a site where status disclosure is quite common.  I find it hit and miss, but I have also met some great guys from that site.  The guy who pozzed me was a BBRT connection.

 

Posting and interacting here has been good for me as well.  I am very open regarding my life and status and have a lot of contacts resulting from what I write here.

 

On of the HIV on-line and print mags POZ has a dating section and a "hook up site".....not sure what I think of them...but it is at least a place where disclosure is expected and the virus is the common ground.

 

Of course, the old crap of Craigslist works some places.  In my local area, I have never seen (other than my own) any poz related adds.  And locally, it seems as if bareback e-mails scare a lot of guys off.  But, in other ares (usually large population) there are a good number of poz ads.   

 

Local HIV resources are a start as well.  Meeting other local guys in a "healthy" setting (group sessions--etc) can open you HIV network and that could lead to dating opportunities.  It tends (again in my own experience) to be a bit vanilla for my taste....but for others it might be a perfect starting place.

 

But most important, understand the virus and what it can do to you.  Take care of yourself and pay attention to how you feel---mentally and physically.  Unless you are fully in "control" of what HIV means to you, you may not be in a position to be the parter you need to be...to attract the partner you desire.

 

Good luck!

[breedbaltimore]

1.  Be honest, some may not want to fuck around with you, but you don't want to end up on the wrong side of the law and in jail.  it can suck, but I still get plenty of ass as a poz man.  Most hookup sights now have an option to list your status, though some may not look at it, it is there.  

 

2.  you never know when a romance will occur, it can come from a hook-up who wants to be more than a fuck buddy.  my current boyfriend started off as a trick, and we are now doing all kinds of things together not just in the bedroom.  I am on Match, but have not had much luck on there.

 

the big thing, like Snaketat said, is to take care of yourself.  Take your meds regularly, eat healthy, exercise and you can live a long happy life.