Doubtfull

[NGE1992]

Hi

 

I love bb but usually use(d) condoms.  

 

Some like 2 months ago I met this guy on grindr, he wanted to fuck but we couldn't make it. The next week we finally fucked, safe, best fuck in months. We fucked around for a couple weeks and one day we were at my place and we just finished fucking, we went to the shower and things got hot again and we fucked bb for the first time, came inside him twice on that day.

 

We fucked bb till it was like dec 20th or so and he told me he had something showing on the tip of his dick, so we stopped fucking and he got tested; beside the other results, he said the hiv test was not conclusive but presumably positive (still waiting for the 2nd test result). I'm getting tested soon.

 

So now I'm guessing I'm poz also, we don't have prep here yet but the meds are available. I can be called somewhat of a bug chaser since I my practices are not the safest and getting hiv is a matter of time.

 

My question is what to do now, besides waiting for my test results?

 

P.S.: He and I don't fuck anymore but we kind of trust each other talking std's.

[snaketat]

I tested poz a few months ago after a brief, but fun and intense chase.  Waking up with the fuck flu, was not a shock....but it still was a major event in my life.  

 

For me, the times of not knowing my status were worse than anything that has occurred since knowing that i converted.  So, staying calm and relaxed during the time until you test again is important.  But, knowing the truth is important.  I suggest another test as soon as possible.  For me, managing reality has always been easier than dealing with too many "what ifs".

 

I am also a firm believer in understanding the disease and how it will affect you....mentally and physically.  Read....research....If you are certain that you are destined to be poz, then "own" the virus and manage the results.  Again, I have no advice, only personal experience and choice.  From the moment I took the first known poz cock in my chase, I was mentally in a place where I considered myself poz.

 

Sure, the reality of it was more intense once I tested poz, but I wanted to be mentally in a state where I was certain that I could assimilate the bug into my life.

 

You know full well that converting is no longer a death sentence.  But you have to understand what you must do and what you will encounter once you have a compromised immune system.  

 

I love cock.  I loved chasing and I enjoyed very poz cock that rammed cum into my ass.  Since converting, my sex drive has been running on high and I have had the best and most fulfilling sex of my life.  All of that is hot and I enjoy it.   But, once a cock pulls out, once I am alone again, the disease is still inside me.   It is the constant that I have do deal with......and my hope for you is that you can get your head wrapped around that....so that the disease is not the only thing that defines you.

 

Take care of yourself....and let us know how you are doing.  I have found the "poz tribe" to be a very open an welcoming group.  If you have indeed joined us, welcome.

[NGE1992]

Thanks for the reply.

 

I actually am as you, I'd rather deal with the stuation than ask myself what if. That's the reason why I'm considering (I guess I am still considering it) going bb, I prefer to know I'm poz once and for all than think and worry about it.

Being poz is something I've given a lot of thought, but I'm not afraid of the poz status.

I'll take care of myself and thanks for the welcome.

[spermy71]

Another plug for PrEP.  I find that after taking indiscriminate loads and testing neg, reading other people's experience, and reading the Kaiser study showing _no_ seroconversions for people on PrEP, I am able to take loads without thinking or worrying about it.  To me it's about taking a medicine now I can always quit, or seroconverting and being forced for my continued health to take the same medicine plus others to maintain my health.  I just think that PrEP changes the game on the "eventually I'll get it" idea, and also takes the worry out of it.  It's great that you are not afraid of the pos status, but you can be on PrEP and still not be afraid.  If you want to be pos, that's a choice you can make now or later.  PrEP gives you the chance to enjoy cum without needing to make that decision now.  Bareback doesn't have to mean pos anymore...

[Guest ff-whole]

I haven't been tested since my last two loads... I think I am okay. I rarely get loads and sex for that matter but I should get tested again.

However, I wish I could get Prep here, but it is not available... Stupid.

I think it should be worldwide by now and available to anyone who wants it. 

Than I could have the loads and don't worry [as much] anymore...

 

I wish everybody good health and wise decisions...

Edited January 24, 2016 by ff-whole