How to break a mental block against Topping?

[DirtyBruin]

When I tested poz in the 90s, that seems to have kicked off a mental block which means that any time I've tried to top, my dick goes limp. Doesn't matter if it's a fellow poz pig, this thing prevents me topping. And no, boner pills don't help; I tried once on a double dose of Cialis - and my dick still went soft. For a long time it didn't really bother me - but lately I've been finding myself wishing I could be at least somewhat versatile, in part because of seeing a lot of hot guys who say "no absolute tops or bottoms" - they want guys who flip fuck. The problem is - how to break through this mental block? I don't have any problem staying hard and getting off fantasizing about fucking and breeding, but the real thing just won't work. (For what it's worth, I turned out to be a long-term non-progressor; not on meds and never have been, with about a 1000 count viral load and perfectly normal T-Cell counts.) 

To illustrate - I went to a big sex party a few months ago, and at one point there was this hot black-bearded pig bent over taking any cock that wanted to plow his ass; I was standing near his head stroking my dick and watching, and at one point he grabs my cock and pulls me in the direction of his butt, so I thought I'd at least try... and the closer I got to his hairy hole, the softer my dick got, when I'd been rock hard just watching him getting fucked. Prior to that (by some years) I had a poz pig friend who simply didn't believe me about my block until he was sitting on my face; I was rock hard while eating his hole, and then in the time it took him to turn around and try to sit on my cock - I lost my hardon as soon as I realized what he was doing. 

I can't imagine just talking about it with some counselor would help any; the only thing that occurs to me that might  work would be to find a doctor who'd provide me with Tri-Mix or the like, one of the boner drugs that acts directly on the cock so my damn subconscious can't get in the way - and then find a pig willing to be part of the experiment. If I could successfully fuck someone, maybe that would help break down the block. The problem is - how to find a doctor who'd be open to the idea (even if I had to lie and say I intended to use condoms) - or is there some other possibility I haven't thought of? 

[pnpindian]

I am sorry that you are encountering such a formidable block. And for so many years. It must be deeply frustrating when fucks do not understand how powerful such blocks can be.

I know when I became a part of the poz brotherhood - in 2011 - I too encountered this block - I could not fuck ... I would lose my erection or more importantly lose my mojo to pound and breed the hungry mancunt before me. 

it was a complete mindfuck (I was sober) where I would suddenly be plagued with the most random yet persistent thought of remorse or guilt and I would lose my boner / interest in the fuck completely. 

I found it odd as I was pozzed when I was the top, I thought I would have qualms about being a btm taking raw cock and loads but no... becoming poz actually made me relish my skills as a insatiable btm for raw cocks and cum loads bred deep in me.  

I embraced that side of me wholeheartedly.

But when asked to top... Fuck I was completely inert - it used to gnaw at me because I wanted to be both a solid top and great btm but my head and my dick were not seeing eye to eye.

I tried everything... Chemsex - dick supplements - hypnosis - change in dynamic / sexual scenario - it did not work.  

Though for a while chemsex was the answer for the given moment - the right combo would release me from the debilitating self doubt, of seeing myself for the failure I was as a top.

Chem changed my points of focus, where, sober, I would ruminate over those thoughts, the chem gave me that superficial gloss / sense of bravado  and ease that kept me focused on giving that bottom begging for my thick juicy cock, a solid deep intense fucking and breeding.

Of course that route never bodes well for the long term and true enough.. my chem combos began to lose potency with each encounter that demanded I top ... and soon I was back to facing the same formidable block soberly while high on chem.  

It is something that is deeply rooted in the dark labyrinth of our deeper thoughts... Hidden away and forgotten most of the time, yet easily summoned onto us when facing the challenge head on.

The moment of reckoning when we want to pound that hole in front of us Holding our deflating cocks when a moment before we were hard throbbing and pre cumming like crazy... Now we are dejected defeated shells who has not lived up to his side of the sexual bargain.

heavy stuff to process so  we most probably remain completely oblivious to the sheer strength of our block - how easily it halts something that should come completely naturally and copiously - our virility. 

I knew I had to process this darkness that was fueling the block and become aware of that debilitating energy exchange

This is where we must process that darkness within - understand it a little more each time we encounter it and attempt to find any means possible to live with 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest BBBoyfromTN]

It happens to me sometimes...try not to stress out or focus on it. What gets me hard as fuck is another guy fucking me while I fuck the other guy. I get rock hard getting fucked and love being the "meat in the middle" in those kind of situations. Try that!