Phantom Dick

[Toon]

BASED ON A TRUE STORY

I've read about people who get limbs amputated but van still 'feel' the missing leg or arm. They call that a 'phantom limb'. That's just crazy. It's bad enough that you lose a leg, but to then feel it still itch or ache seems so unfair. I've never lost a body part, but I could sort of relate to the sensation of something that was once there and then wasn't. 

I graduated college four years ago. I was a very closeted gay and yet dreamed of having a man...in my bed, at my side, in my life. The Spring before graduation, I was doing laundry in the middle of the night...which was the best time to go to the laundromat. I'd have the place to myself, and could study or draw in my sketchbook or whatever. One night around 3 AM, some guy walked in with no laundry. He just sat at one of the tables and looked around. I was almost finished, but decided to dry my towels one more time. He was nice looking and seemed possibly gay to me. He stood up and grabbed his crotch when he saw me looking at him. Was it a trap? Was he joking? He then stuck his whole hand down the front of his sweats and started fondling himself. OK! I took the towels out, put them in the basket and wondered what would come next. I guessed it was just some weird incident and decided to pack up and head out. The guy followed me to my car and just kind of stood there.

"Need a ride somewhere?"

He shrugged. "Sure."

We talked a little. His name was Joe and he was Cuban. He'd been in school for seven years already because he kept changing majors. I drove aimlessly around campus as we each told our stories. It was pretty apparent that we didn't have much in common, but it didn't manner because a probably gay with a penis was in my car. I was walking a tightrope of anxiety. What if I just drove home and invited him in? He hadn't told me where he needed to go. I got to my apartment building, parked and invited him in. He agreed like it was no big deal. I was so nervous that I left my clean laundry in the trunk. Once inside, Joe asked if he could crash on my couch. Um... 

"Sure."

And that's all that happened. The crotch-grabber went to sleep and so went to the bedroom. Where was his brazenness? Where was the sex? I just assumed that because I didn't know anything about anything, this is how it worked sometimes. I heard him leave early in the morning. Oh well. My first class wasn't until 12:30 PM, so I just frowned and went back to sleep. When I got up I saw that he'd left his phone number and a short note. 

     Want to get a beer at Hawkin's tonight? Call me if you can't go. Otherwise, I'll drop by around 8. J

The whole day crawled by. A date! Hawkin's was a rowdy hangout down on the street that was usually packed with strutting frat guys and jocks. Whatever. It was a date. I actually had a DATE! 

We shared a pitcher and talked over the music. He got cuter with each glass I emptied. It didn't matter that we had no common interests...he was a male. I wanted to get naked with him. In all my earlier nervousness, I'd forgotten to eat any dinner. They didn't serve food here and I told my date that we'd probably have to leave because I was getting woozy and needed food. We walked back to my place and made us both peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (what I basically lived on in those days). Joe thought it was cute.

We ended up not going back to the bar. We sat on my couch and watched TV...well HE watched. I just kept waiting for him to make a move.  He took his shoes off and rubbed my leg a little. 

"Feeling better?"

"Yeah, But I have to tell you that I've never done anything before."

"No kidding. I guessed that the minute I saw you at the laundromat. We will only go as far as you want."

We went to my bedroom and he brought his book bag with him. Did he have pajamas or something in there? Weed? I decided right then that I'd do whatever he wanted. He stripped down to his underwear and so did I. I went to switch the light off, but he stopped me. "You ever touched another man's penis?"

"Nope."

He took down his boxers and there it was. Even today, I can describe it so much detail. It wasn't that big...maybe even a little below average. And it was uncut. 

"Go ahead. Touch it."

I did. It was soft and warmer than my hand was. It stiffened and got a little heavier. 

"I bet you've never kissed a man either. Right?"

Before I could respond, he was kissing me, deeply and passionately. Tongues came out and I was paralyzed with desire and confusion, And relief. I was 22 and this was a long time coming.

"Thank you." That's all I could say.

"Let's lay down."

After we were on the bed, I felt the animal lust emerge. I moved down and started slobbering all over his dick. I tried to do what would make him feel good. I ignored my own penis because it seemed ready to explode at any second. He moaned and writhed. This went on for five or more minutes. 

"Do you want me to cum now? Or wait?"

"I want it inside of me. I want to have sex."

"We can do that." He reached over to his book bag and dug out a condom and a half-full tube of KY. 

"You need to work this stuff into your ass with a couple of fingers. Don't tense up. Relax. He put the rubber on and stroked himself some more. I was so glad the light was still on. My whole body and being felt ready for this.

He was on top of me. He carefully tried to aim it right for my bulls eye. I would later go on to find this my favorite thing about having sex....that fumbling moment right when the dick is searching for the perfect spot. And he got in. It didn't hurt that much. Maybe I was just so horny or because he wasn't very big, but it started to feel good right away. 

"How's that? You doing okay?"

"Perfect. Keep going."

He pushed onward and I was in another world. I was losing my virginity to this man. We'd move in together some day, get a dog and live happily ever after.

He was all the way in and asked me again if I was still OK. I nodded and he started thrusting in and out. 

"Damn! You're so tight! It hurts!"

He soon shot his load and left that hard dick inside of me. That feeling is what I'll remember for the rest of my life. That organ of his fit inside of me perfectly. I hated that he finally pulled it all the way out. He stood up and then immediately sat back down. "Head rush! Can you take the condom off? Check and make sure it's not torn." I tugged the rubber off carefully and he winced, sucking in air between his teeth. 

"My dick is so sore. Your ass is like a vise."

I took the condom to the bathroom and looked at it. There was nothing on it. No poop, no blood. It looked like it just came out of the wrapper except for the teaspoon of semen in the tip. I should have put it in a scrapbook or something, but instead I flushed it. Sad. When I went back to the bedroom, he was still sitting up with his head in his hands.

"Are you okay?"

"Sorry. I should be asking you that. It was just so intense and rough."

"Can I get you something?"

"No. No. I just need to lie down for a little."  He left about an hour later. 

I wanted it to happen again, but finals were coming up and I had to get my senior design portfolio together, There was just never a good time for a repeat -- and I didn't even know if he wanted to.  In that last busy month of school, I swear to you that I could still feel him inside of me. That sensation of Joe's dick in my ass. I couldn't forget it or ignore it. I had my future to think about. 

That Summer I got hired by an ad agency that was about two hours away. I took to my new life like a a fish in fresh water. I had more dates and more sex...with guys who were often a lot bigger than Joe. But it was never the same. A few years passed, and the invisible penis was still down there. In me. It caused me so much pleasure, but all he got was pain. That part still bothered me. I'm sure I was looser now.

An alumni newsletter arrived in the mail, announcing all the activities lined up for homecoming weekend. Weirdly, I actually wanted to go. Sports and school loyalty never mattered to me before, but I wanted to go. What if Joe still lived there? I tried calling him but the phone just kept ringing and ringing. He didn't seem like a social media kind of guy, but I found his address via the internet.  He had moved to a street I remembered well. I guess I would just go and drop in. Maybe he had a boyfriend now. I wanted to at least see him.

It was almost 80 degrees that weekend. Fall didn't seem to want to show its face. I checked into a hotel and got myself ready to go see Joe. His house was tiny and a little shabby. The lawn was overgrown and the car I guessed was his was parked at the curb with a flat tire. I knocked. What greeted me was a ghost of the man I remembered. It was Joe alright, but he was thinner and looked way older. He was in a sweater and jeans and slippers. 

"Hi!

"Yes?"

"Joe - it's me! Remember? We ...we hung out a little right before I graduated.

"Oh yeah. I'm sorry. My eyes aren't that good anymore. Come on in."

I walked in. It was hot inside...and smelled medicinal somehow. 

"You found my new place. I bought it for practically nothing five years ago and intended to fix it up, but that never happened. I got real sick."

"I'm so sorry. What's wrong?"

"You're kidding, right? I've got AIDS."

"B-But there's all kind of new medicine for that now."

"I know. You think I don't know? My strain is resistant to all the meds they have."

"Oh Joe."

"It's been pretty bad lately, but seeing you makes me feel better. Younger. Want a shot? I usually start a fresh bottle of whiskey this time of day."

"Sure. Need help?"

"I'm not dead yet, kiddo."

I sat on the couch and watched him putter slowly around the kitchen. Despite how bad he looked, I felt the phantom dick in my insides twitch and throb.

We had a few shots...which turned into several more. I had tickets to the football game, but we watched it on his TV instead. 

"You look well. How's work?"

"Great."

"Got a boyfriend?"

"I did. We broke up last week. It was no big deal. Hey, Joe -- do you remember how we met?"

He looked into the air. "Yeah. You were doing laundry at that place on 7th street. And then you almost broke my dick off."

"Did you know that it was the best sex I ever had? That I can still feel you inside of me? I want to feel it again."

"Are you crazy? No more whiskey for you."

I got up, went to the kitchen and brought the half-empty bottle to the coffee table in front of us. We were quiet for a few minutes, just watching the game."

"Do you know that I've never had any kind of contact with a man since I got sick?"

"Let's change that."

I could see he was pondering. 

"Do you still have a dick-killing ass or have some of those city boys opened you up a little?"

"Only one way to find out."

And then he let me undress him. I took off his slippers and kissed his little toes. The jeans came off next. He wasn't wearing underwear and had a pretty respectable boner. I moved to pull off his sweater, but he stopped me.

"Don't. I've got these...marks...all over my arms. And I get cold without long sleeves." 

I moved down between his legs and put his familiar dick in my mouth. 

"No. Don't...." His words trailed off. I continued sucking. He needed a shower, but it wasn't so bad. 

"I want you in me, Joe. I want you to fuck me."

"No chance. Even if I had a rubber...."

"I have one. Two if we need it."

"Well...no. Sorry. It's not smart." He was stroking his dick into full hardness.

"Call me stupid then."

He pulled me toward him and then was on top of me on the couch. "I can't do this." But then he was doing it. 

"You put the rubber on me, didn't you?"

"Yes." It was still in the pocket of my jeans.

And then there was the wonderful experience of a dick head poking at my hole. Only this time, it was completely naked and raw. 

"Oh yeah...your as is more welcoming now. Feels good. Oh! SO good. I haven't cum in forever."

Did he really not feel that there was no rubber on his dick? Was he pretending? I didn't care. The phantom dick had been replaced by the real one. It was exactly like I remembered. Perfect fit. 

I knew what was about to happen. I knew a very toxic virus was going to own my body any second. He heaved and pushed. We both moaned loudly. 

"I should...I should pull out...We.. Ahhhh!" Then he shot that lethal cum right into me. It was over.

I got up quickly, made a tug at his dick and went to the bathroom. Flush. I had to keep the deceit going. He was spent and close to dozing. I put his jeans and slippers back on. And I left. 

So I went back home and waited. I'd probably get sick soon...with a whole host of new phantoms to deal with.