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Toon

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About Toon

  • Rank
    Sex Addict
  • Birthday 04/13/67

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Suburban Kansas City
  • Interests
    Books, 90's music, zombie movies, rocks, fossils & minerals, paranormal stuff,
  • HIV Status
    Neg, Recently Tested
  • Role
    Versatile Bottom
  • Background
    Midwestern laidback dude with a good brain. Professional, casual,sane.
  • Porn Experience
    none
  • Looking For
    Verbal, aggressive guys who mostly like to top. Poz guys, bearded and hairy guys, and men who like to called "Sir".

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  1. (a long time ago) From a very young age, my parents pushed religion on me. I'm probably not alone in that background. I thought it was pretty entertaining, but it never seemed "real". Looking back, I think I was drawn to all the magical parts of the bible. Parting seas, a flood covering the Earth, burning bushes, talking snakes, and people turning into salt. Wow! I had an uncle who was dying of lung cancer right when I first learned to read. I had to sit in the hospital waiting room for hours on end. There were very few books for kids there. "Stories From the Bible". It had great illustrations and I had practically memorized them after four weeks. That whole deal with Noah's Ark was fascinating. Imagine being on a boat with every animal ever. I had so many questions: What about every bug? What about the animals who only ate other animals? I was such a sucker for the magical things that might possibly happen at any time. It probably didn't help that I was watching "Bewitched" and "I Dream of Jeanie" every day after school. Those shows taught me that the supernatural was ordinary and very common. One year, I actually spent a whole Summer looking for a genie bottle. It wasn't until I was in second grade that I changed obsessions. Science was my new religion. I was flabbergasted by the fact that plants gave us air to breathe and that Godzilla-looking creatures once walked the Earth really and were for real. It was the concept of the solar system that really blew my mind. It was almost impossible to imagine other worlds with nobody living on them -- then why were they even there? And Jupiter had a whole bunch of moons and there was nobody living there to even see them in the night sky? Made now sense. Mystery and magic were up there somewhere. I remember sitting on our sofa at home and reading aloud from my science book. "Pluto is even colder than Alaska. All the time. Can you imagine that??" Mom was ironing and watching one of her soap operas. She didn't respond. Both parents were good at tuning me out, and I was used to it. Saturn was my favorite planet. It seemed like you could just walk on the rings, even though I knew from science that they were made of dust and rocks. You couldn't really even stand on the rings. Dang! A few years later, our teacher Mr. Nielman told us about an eclipse coming this April. ON my birthday! It was't going to be a full eclipse. Only people living somewhere interesting would see the complete one. We learned about it for weeks. Mr Nielman must have thought we were dumb because his quizzes were so easy and he kept trying to explain what an eclipse was over and over again. Who didn't get it by now? The moon moved between the sun and the Earth for a few minutes. That was it. And we wouldn't even get to see the complete one....just a glimpse of a corner of the sun disappearing. I wished so bad that we could see a total eclipse...because it seemed like magic in a way. Maybe a whole new world would open up in the sky. Fantastical winged creatures would swoop down and we could ride them above the clouds. Science and magic would come together at last! We were told over and over again we mustn't look at the sun during this event. Who didn't know that already? For art class, we made these dumb little cardboard boxes where you could see the eclipse. I wanted mine to be perfect. I really put effort into it, even though I knew I'd be tempted to look at the magic with my naked eyes. Would I go blind? Nope. It rained heavily on the big day. Bummer. I wasn't too sad because it was still my birthday after all. I got some books and colored markers and a big sheet of blank paper to draw on. I got birthday cards from a few relatives, but who even cares about getting dumb greeting cards? (not so long ago) I got older and stayed interested in science and the universe. I didn't end up getting a degree in anything scientific because that would require some knowledge of math. Math...ugh. Numbers made no sense to me. Still don't. It takes me too much time to figure out how much to tip a waitress. My brain didn't work that way. I got an art degree and was doing a lot of freelance cartooning for magazines and had built up some good business online. Things were fine, professionally. Socially, though, I was as stunted as you'd imagine a guy look me would be. I knew a few of my neighbors and talked to people online. I had a few "fans" from my computer stuff and my blog. We chatted and exchanged pleasantries. There was one guy who emailed me all the time. He even sent photos of himself. Not bad-looking at all. He had reddish-blonde hair and a full beard. He seemed close to my age and obviously really into fitness. He kept asking for my cell number, but I blew him off. He lived two states away and maybe he would be disappointed in my voice or how I talked or something. I always felt inferior .. for years. Lo and behold, there was going to be a visible eclipse in my stupid city. 100%! It was in the news for the whole Summer. We were in "the path of total coverage". Maybe I'd get to see a magic world after all. The kid in me had shrunk to almost nothing because I worried about traffic coming in and strangers standing in the street. I more or less just wanted it over with. It was like The Super Bowl was coming to town. Another chat request from Jeff: "Hi!! What's up? It's Jeff. How have you been? Did you know there's going to be a total eclipse of the sun in your area?" "God, yes. It's all we hear about. I used to be into stuff like this. It's going to be a headache." "Well...I want to come there for a visit. Can I stay with you one night? All the hotels are booked. I want to see it, and I even bought the special glasses." "I guess. You better not be a serial killer. LOL" "I promise I'm not. Did I tell you how much I liked your comic about Arnold's first time seeing 'Rocky Horror'? It felt like I was reading a page out of my life. How do you do that?" "Thanks. I was proud of that one." "I'll see you a week from today. Are you still on Juniper Street?" "Um..yeah. How did you know my street?" pause "I guess you told me...or I found it with Google." "Oh okay. It starts at noon. Will you make it by then?" "Sure. I'll leave at two in the morning and be there in plenty of time. If I can spend the night at your place, I'll leave the very next morning." "Sounds good. My cell is --- -----" "I can't wait!" What a mix of feelings I had. Was this smart? Why did I say 'yes' so fast? Did he like me in a different kind of way? Why did I post that very personal comic. I'd insinuated before that the Arnold character was me. And he was gay. I sometimes shared too much. For the next few days, Jeff sent me tons of emails with pics attached. Lots of his face and upper torso. Was he nude?? And also his dog....a lovable mutt. He also sent a photo of him standing by his car. He was a tall guy. Big and husky. His notes always had smiling faces with them. And then kissing faces....and hearts. I hesitated to reply to those emails. What was on his mind? And then he sent me a nude shot of himself. Damn! He was muscular and had a very impressive penis. What? Seriously? Then he sent a close-up of his hard dick. What have I done? He was sending me things that straight guys send to their girlfriends. I didn't even know him. His note: "I can hardly wait to meet you. I hope these pics are not offensive. I just feel like I know you so well. I love you already and have for awhile. If you are freaked out by that -- I can't help it. I'm an honest guy." He was. I knew it somehow. I spent that night in bed, thinking about the photos. Those strong legs...the hard penis... The day of the eclipse arrived and I had barely slept a wink. He'd here before noon. I was a neat person, but I worried about first impressions too much. What if he immediately changed his mind when he got here? My mind kept playing tricks on me... I heard cars pull up that weren't there. I swore I saw the sky getting dimmer, but it hadn't yet. About 12:15, a very real car pulled into my driveway. The doorbell rang. A very sweat-soaked Jeff came in. "Sorry I'm late. Traffic is unbelievable...and my air conditioner broke halfway here. I'm a mess. I'd ask to use your shower, but it's almost zero hour." "Do you want to go somewhere to watch." "No time...and the traffic is a mess. I didn't know you had so many trees around here. We won't see much from your porch. Any clear sky close to here?" "Yeah...let's go out back." There was an empty lot behind my backyard. I passed it almost daily. They were going to build an "urgent care" clinic there. All the trees were gone and there was just gravel and openness. "It's starting. Don't look at it!" The sky was looking different. More purple. No clouds. It took everything I had not to glance into the sun. I was so tempted! "I have my glasses. Put them on because I know you want to look up." They were a little damp from his sweaty body. So dark. It was like wearing a blindfold almost. Then I saw a gray circle with what looked like a bite being taken out of faintly glowing cookie. Cool! It could end now and I'd be satisfied. This is more than I'd ever expected as a kid. So I was fine with Jeff wearing the glasses for a few minutes. As he gazed into the sky, I snuck a few glances at his body. He was wearing shorts, flip-flops and a random t-shirt that had a lot of dampness in the armpits. Poor guy. He'd earned this. The light was still changing. Birds were alarmed and very quiet. I told Jeff about how I used to believe a total eclipse would be like a hole for another world to enter through. I'd expected something special and life-changing. But no. "You should make a comic about that. You are so good with words...and your drawings. Oh shit! It's almost halfway now. Here...look!" "No. You keep watching. You went to a lot of trouble to see this I'm happy just being with you as you enjoy this." He stared up and also grabbed my hand. It felt like the most natural thing in the world when he did it. His sweaty big paw was just so over-sized and strong. I thought my knees would buckle as we stayed like that for four or five minutes. The sky changed from light purple to a slow dark gray. Crickets and frogs began to sing. "It's half there...LOOK!" I did. The window to another world was opening. I'd seen more than I thought I ever would. I was about to hand the glasses back to Jeff. "No. Keep looking. I need to tell you something. Don't take the glasses off. I have AIDS. None of the medications work on me. I've been so alone since finding that out. Like a monk. But that's when I found your cartoons online and saw your profile pic. I shamelessly searched the whole internet for more info about you. You've been my pretend boyfriend for over a year. But now you're here and real. I've been wanting to love you for so long. You can tell me to go right now and I will." "Stay, Jeff. It's almost time." The streetlights blinked on. It was dusk at 1 PM. Jeff glanced up at the event as I rubbed his forearm. I was probably in love with him now. He smelled like my sexiest dreams. Sundown was coming in the middle of the day. Dogs were barking from all directions. I wondered about that dog of Jeff's. Did he put him in a kennel or get a pet-sitter? What did the animals think was happening right now? They had internal clocks and this was probably very scary for them. Speaking of scary... AIDS. I knew a lot about it. But I don't think I'd ever met anybody with the virus. I assumed medicine had advanced far enough that it wasn't killing people anymore. I knew what the bug did, but I never considered the actual human part of it. I guess I had to now. There was a sexy big man standing inches away from me who had it inside of him. It was a strain that resisted all the new drugs. But he said he loved me. I pretty much put my whole life online with my cartoons and my blog. Jeff knew almost everything about him, and all I knew was what his dick looked like. "Be smart", I told myself. "Oh, WOW! It's almost total now! Here, look" The eclipse had been an afterthought now. A security light on the construction site came on. We were exposed. I looked up and there it was. A full and complete eclipse. The door was open now. A hole in reality. Maybe the bible was real and this would be the end of the world. Plagues would come and the dead would rise. "It's like something from a science fiction movie! I'm impressed as fuck!" "Cool, isn't it? I thought it looked like an album cover. Ever hear that song 'Black Hole Sun'?" "Great song. Here...you take the glasses now, Jeff." He looked for a few minutes longer. And I studied his body some more. I could tell he was getting hard. When I reached to hold his hand again, he guided my hand down to his groin. I was glad. I wouldn't have dared do that on my own. A big, hard dick with HIV in it. "It's past completion now. Wow. What a rush." "That light is bugging me now. Let's go sit in your backyard and sit for a little. I bet you'll get a good tan from this. You needed it." As we walked back, the sky got slightly brighter. Like pre-dawn. We sat at the wooden picnic table that had been here since I bought the house. It needed some paint, but I seldom felt the need to picnic. "This is a nice backyard. I can't believe how huge the trees are here. Hold on...I'll be right back." Jeff walked in my backdoor and then came back with his laptop bag. "Your house smells nice. Do you burn incense?" "Sage. The smell of it always gives me ideas." I was afraid he wanted to do something on the internet right now, but he just searched through the bag and found a joint. It didn't shock me or anything. I smoked pretty regularly. There was a teen in my neighborhood who was selling weed instead of getting a Summer job. We blew out our clouds and chatted randomly. The thing about weed is that I usually think too much. Alcohol is a social drug, but weed is not. I looked around at the changing light and weird shadows. I guess the new world hadn't come through after all. I started talking my thoughts out loud.... "I don't know what I was expecting. I thought something major would happen. It's like Christmas, you know? Everybody builds it up for months and then it's over." "You're disappointed? My dad died not all that long ago. He was born in 1937 and never got to see what we just saw." Good point, Jeff." It was. "But what are you thinking about what I told you before? And about us fooling around?" He'd said a lot in a short time. "I think I really like you, Jeff."" I the false morning light, I saw his face nearly crack in half with a smile. "But I'm poz. Does that scare you?" "Maybe a little. I've never met anybody who had it." "Never? I figured you probably spent too much time inside, drawing and writing. What about when I told you I was in love with you?" He'd kicked off one of his flip-flops and rested his big bare foot on my knee. "I can't help it." "My first thought was that it was too soon. I was going to explain how you didn't know me, but I realized everything about me is public...for all to see. Everything I put out there online is personal. I don't have that kind of information about you." He grabbed my hand from across the picnic table. "Feel me. You'll know it all." It was nice to be holding hands, but it didn't tell me much. He was perfect and I had a painful erection. A begging hard-on. The sky started to lighten more. It's almost as if the sun had had a concussion and was just now coming to. Birds resumed singing. It was all so perfect. "Here's what I feel, Jeff. I feel like you're not a stranger, but someone from the new world that opened today. Someone who I feel like I already know." 'Wow. I could listen to you talk all day. Tell me more." "I also feel like I don't want you leave in the morning. I want you to stay longer, but you've got a dog who probably misses you." "Bo? He's staying with my mom and she spoils him like you wouldn't believe. I can stay for a few more days, but I doubt I'll be able to leave you here." "I could listen to your voice all day too." "Well, listen now. We're going inside and we're going to make love. I'm pretty much past the point of turning back now." "I am too. Let's go." Jeff left his flips underneath the picnic table and I wonder if he knew how much I liked his feet. I'd massaged his sole as we talked. Once inside, I turned the AC up a little higher. With company, I usually fussed with throw pillows or tried to find some nice background music. Now, however, I felt primal. I just wanted this man. Badly. "Is it alright if I get a glass of water? I think I've sweated about ten gallons of liquid out of me." "I'll get it for you." I went to the kitchen and got a glass from the cabinet. I turned around to ask if he wanted ice, but he was right behind me. He'd taken off his sweaty t-shirt and exposed his toned hairy torso. He didn't look sick at all. "Oh hi. Did you want some ice? I've got Diet Pepsi too. Or a beer?" His eyes were the color of wheat. And he smelled like August felt. "I'll take a beer." I watched him gulp it down in thirty seconds. "Ah. That's better. I'll have another one if you've got it." " I do. I'm always prepared for guests." "Great.But you have to have one with me. And I'm not a 'guest'... I'm your other half." So we sat on kitchen stools and drank our beers. I knew from very limited experience, that alcohol made me horny....but I was beyond horny. I couldn't even see 'horny' in the rear-view mirror. I had barely finished my third sip when Jeff crushed his can and let it drop to the floor...like he was at a campground or something. Huh? It was rude and I almost pointed out the trashcan next to him.. "You're a very good host, but the politeness has to end. I'm in charge now, and we're going to kiss." And he bent down and took my chin in one hand. Our mouths touched and it was the softest, most erotic kiss I could ever imagine. But that changed. He was practically devouring my face. Almost violently. I knew the hunger he had because I felt it too. And while I knew it was almost impossible to get HIV from kissing, damned if I didn't want it now! He held me in sweaty, hairy bear hug and squeezed the oxygen out of me. He moved his mouth to my right ear and groaned a few words. I didn't even care what they were. He pulled away and looked at me. "Well?" "Well what?" "I just told you to suck me and you're still just standing there." "Oh...sorry. I didn't underst -" He forced me to my knees. Right there in my own kitchen. I could do this. I wanted to do this. I pulled his cotton shorts down and was looking at his big, hard penis. The pink head was right at eye level and I could see the gaping pee hole clearly. Talk about a hole to another world! "It's OK. Go ahead and just kiss it right now." I could have just put my lips on the head, but I took as much of his dick in my mouth as I thought I could handle. He tasted just like he smelled. It was something I felt born to do. I was meant to suck this man's cock and like it. He was maybe a little impatient, and thrust too far down past my tongue. I thought I'd throw up. He read me and eased up a little. "Oh man! You are a natural! I am too close to stop...gonna cum in your mouth. SHIT! Get ready!" I wanted that more than anything in the world. Before I had any time to think more, a gush of hot, milky fluid spilled between my lips. I couldn't compare the taste to anything. I grabbed his bare ass, held him close and drank greedily. It was done. I had just sucked a dick. I'd been marked and branded by this man. He stepped back and helped me up. "Wow. That was...that was great, Jeff. Thanks." "Did you just thank me for cumming in your mouth? Cut the politeness shit. Now. Take me to your bed." We were nude and walking into my bedroom. I'd made up the spare for him, but I wanted him to sleep with me now. My bed was made and the room was clean. Jeff looked around and said, "Open the blinds a little. I need to piss. You want to watch?" I did. But...But why? I should only open the blinds a little. My street was popular with joggers and kids on bikes and... "Why are you so slow? You want me to pee on your carpet or something? Get up and show me where the bathroom is." I hurried and opened the door, flicked on the light and he went right to the toilet. He stood and aimed his dick down. The stream was heavy and pretty dark. I knew that being dehydrated did that to your urine. "You like that. I'll pee in your mouth some day. And on your face." "Yeah. I want you to do that." "Not now. Leave me be for a minute. Get in bed and relax. GO!" I did. I wanted to feel him next to me. I had a complete hard-on, but hadn't thought to take a few seconds to give myself relief. It was all about Jeff now. I heard the shower go on. He was cleaning himself. Damn. He was washing all that wonderful sweat away! If he used my soap, he'd smell just like me. Like Dial Sports Scent. Damn. He walked into my bedroom wiping himself with a towel. "Your shower is nice. Good water pressure." "Why did you wash up? You were fine as you were." "Shut up for now, okay? I just came...and it'll take a little while to get it back and ready. We're going to do some things. You didn't jack off, did you?" "No. I didn't." "Good. It would hurt my feelings if you had." He scooted under the sheets with me and wrapped a deodorized arm around me. I couldn't pout at this point. He would hate that. He said we'd do some "things". Like what? Fuck? Actual gay butt sex? As his body dried and got warmer, Jeff started to smell like Jeff again. Nice. "I'm going to lay back now while you suck my dick. Get it hard. Don't forget my balls." I got up and moved between his legs. This was a little more effort than it was before. My neck ached a bit, but I wanted to please this man. It got heavier and thicker in my mouth. I could do this every day and not get tired of it! "Lick my balls, man." I did. They were hairy and loose. I awkwardly tried to lick every part of them, but he was pushing the top of my head down. He wanted the very back of his sack attended to, I guess. Then I somehow figured out he wanted his anus licked. Another hole to a new world. He knew that I knew what he wanted and lifted his legs up over me. I dove right in and tongued his butt like I'd done it a hundred times before.It didn't smell or taste like poo. It was hot down there. It tasted hot. I was glad he didn't want to do this to me -- I don't think I would like it. His full boner was bouncing off the top of my head. "You amaze me...and you put in the work. I'll let you lie back now. I'll do some things." It felt good to lie flat on my back. I breathed out. It was a regular afternoon outside. The secret other world had closed but left this perfect man in my bed. Jeff was checking out the ceiling. Oh God...what was he planning? I was a little afraid...especially when he stood on the mattress and reached up to steady himself by keeping his fingers on on the stucco. "I know you like my feet for some reason. They're big and gross, but this is for you." A foot came down on my face. His fat sole was pressed over my mouth and nose. I should like this, right? I tried, but it felt a little like abuse. I could never tell him that. He was lifting my legs up and positioning his super hard erection between my two feet. He held them together and masturbated himself between my two smooth soles. I was glad I took care of them. I used a pumice stone on the bottoms every time I showered. I'd never seen this in a porn video before (and I'd seen more than a few). He was working his hips into a frenzy. "I can tell you think this is weird. Just give me a minute. Suck my toes." I did. He maybe needed to trim the nails a little, but this is the man I loved. His big toes were like candy to me. He stopped. Did he cum again? No. I would have felt it rain down on me. "OK. This is it. I'm going to fuck your little ass now. I brought lube with me, but it's in my bag which I left out back. I'll use spit. That'll help." He spit in his hand and rubbed that glorious prick. "Grab your ankles and fold your knees as tight as you can. Relax your stomach muscles as much as you can. Don't be tense." I did as told. It wasn't exactly easy. But this is what gays did. I thought about the things Jeff had done when some man infected him. I was ready. Or so I thought. That dick just kept hurting me as it tried going into me. No. I could go back to the other things, but this didn't feel good at all. Forget it. Next lifetime, maybe. "Damn! You need to help out here. Let me in. Open that shit up a little..." I wanted to. I wanted this. But it wouldn't happen now. Maybe if there lube or something or m --- AHHHGGGG! He drove his giant dick right into me. It was not a pleasure at all. I should have never answered the door when he arrived. GODDAMN! Why did gay men ever do this?? HOW? "I'm all the way in...right up to my balls. I'll go slow. Please stop crying. That makes me feel bad. It'll get better soon. Let it get better." He just kept pumping. I felt his weight was giving him power. His muscular hips were doing what his hormones made him do. I was participating volunteering. It felt almost nice for a few seconds. "Good boy. You are getting me in you so fucking deep now. Look at me." I tried. He was a little blurry through the tears in my eyes, but I saw his loving expression, He wasn't doing anything I didn't secretly want. A heavenly shudder shook me. "Yeah. There you go. I;m going to cum. You already did. Did you notice? It smells good. Here is mine....again...it's going in..it's..SHIT! I just came in you." He let me relax my legs at last. Would I feel the virus go though me? How long before I'd be sick? Jeff settled down next to me. "You OK?" "I'm cool. So it's early. Want to nap for a while and I'll make dinner later?" "YES. Let me go call Mom and tell her I'll be coming home a few days later than planned. We're going to do all this again several more times. OK?" "Go call and tell her "hi" from me." I never got rid of Jeff after that day. He stayed for a week and then a month. We made one trip to get Bo and some of his stuff. He asked me to marry him when we stopped for gas on I-70. He already a ring in his pocket. I said "yes" right away. Bo is in my backyard and Jeff is always next to me. At all times. I'm poz now, but we're both healthy. I got my own magical creature from that time when the sky opened. I hoped everyone was a s lucky as me.
  2. Getting fucked vs getting bred

    I'm fine with just his dick inside of me. If he cums, I can't feel it or see it...so why be picky? If a poz guy fucks you and doesn't cum, you still might get knocked up.
  3. shoot inside

    I like both, actually. Once a bare dick is in your ass, pulling out is pretty much beside the point. It's already in you.
  4. Dang. My county is pretty heavily-infected, but I don't know where they are hiding.
  5. Warren hated his name. "Warren" just sounded so blue collar and like a mechanic who'd fix your transmission or something. He was always complaining about his life because he thought he'd been dealt a bad hand. He came from a family of hard-working people, but he was a reader and a thinker. He was one of those kids who kept a diary, but written in a language he'd invented. If his snoopy mom ever found it, she'd have no idea what she was reading. He also drew in a sketchbook he'd been given as a birthday present. Drawings and doodles recorded as much about Warren's life as the words did. His older brothers thought he was a sissy with all his books,drawing and his perfectly neat room. His brothers were all working guys..."real men". One brother worked in construction and the other two drove trucks full of whatever. None of them were ever close. They never talked to each other or hung out. Warren knew something about himself. A private thing. Maybe the whole family knew it even if they didn't know they knew it. His oldest brother once came into his room late, late at night when he though the younger brother was asleep. He only sort of was. Warren felt spongy flesh on his lips as he continued to fake sleep. Yep. His brother had his naked dick on the boy's lips. Then he stopped and masturbated right over the kid's face. Warren soon felt some thick fluid spray on his face and bare shoulders. It happened a few more times that year. Didn't make sense to Warren. His brother had so many girlfriends...didn't they let him do that for him? Maybe not. He knew it was Luke...something about the smell and the 'vibe'. By 1993, Warren was about to graduate from high school. The brothers had all gotten married and moved elsewhere. He knew more things, and hated his stupid life even more intensely. AIDS was in the news. There were men like him dying and protesting and fighting for "rights". Such a mess he'd been born into. Maybe this new President Clinton could fix it all by the time he had to worry about the consequences of being GAY. He'd gotten an academic scholarship to a school in a different state. It wasn't a full ride, but it was close enough that his parents let Warren go. It was one of those "liberal" schools according to the dad. Warren thought that meant they just liked Democrats. He didn't yet know that was another word for "free" and "caring". He'd find out soon enough. That college campus was so different. People of various colors and religions were everywhere. And gays. So many gays. Warren felt like he could finally exhale. At an orientation event, Warren met Orlando. Now, that was a name! Lucky. Orlando was from Cuba and darkly handsome. Not that tall..and not very young for a college student. He was maybe in his 30's already. His lower jaw jutted out just a bit. "Are you a new freshman?" "Yeah. And a hick. This is all new to me." "How many credit hours are you taking?" "Just 14." "Just? That's a lot for your first semester." "I'm on scholarship. You have to take at least 12 hours on academic scholarship." "Yeah. Well, eat your Wheaties. It's gonna be tough." "How many are you taking, Orlando?" "Three. I pay my own way and am slowly trying to get a music degree." Warren stopped being interested at that point. This older guy was like his brothers -- old guy with very small goals. His brothers got excited and bragged about 4 % raises at their shitty jobs. "Nice to meet you, Orlando. I'm gonna go finish unpacking." "What are you doing later tonight? There's a dance at the Union. I'll be there. I'll introduce you to some people." Warren never danced and didn't like people that went to dances, but he probably needed to meet people eventually. "OK. Like around 8 or so?" "Yeah! You have to be 20 to drink beer, but I'll sneak you some." "Cool. Bye." Warren wandered back to the dorm. He'd never had a beer in his life. He knew from watching his brothers that beer made people stupid and made them vomit. No thanks. He wore what he'd worn all day to this dance thing. He wasn't John Travolta and didn't plan on being visible. Or dancing. He liked old Motown hits and thought if there was indeed a "god", she would look like Aretha Franklin. Now... there was just grunge and techno and mindless bimbos who couldn't even really sing. Warren scanned the crowd. Not many kids were dancing...but a lot of them were gathered on the side. Way more guys than girls. No Orlando in sight. He'd stay for five more minutes and then leave. "Hey! You're here! I thought you blew me off." Orlando. "Just got here. What is this all about?" "Here. Finish my beer. I'll introduce you to my friends." That wasn't an answer. He grabbed Warren's hand and led him for what seemed like a mile. And then they were in a pretty dark corner of the 'ballroom' where a group of three guys stood with cups of beer. "Is this a gay dance, Orlando?" "DUH! I thought you knew already. You're gay, right?" "No...well, yeah. But..." "Hey! This is Warren. He just started as a freshman. Share your beer and be nice ... he's pretty shy. I'm going to get another beer...who wants?" Two of them gave the signal for a refill. The third one just drilled his eyes into Warren. A short, stocky Mexican man wearing shorts and sandals.There was energy going back and forth between these two strangers. Warren was out of character when he just walked up to the guy and introduced himself... "Hi. I'm Warren. What's your name?" "I'm Antonio..Tony. Call me either." This guy seemed had seemed so guarded and unfriendly at first, but now his face brightened. Smiling. "good to meet you, Tony." Another good name he would have traded for. "How do you know Orlando?" "I don't, really. We just met earlier today...at that thing in the quad." "And you're gay?" Warren exhaled and just said "yes" with a sense of relief. It had to be said at some point. "It's okay. You're in a safe place, so to speak. Want some of my beer?" Warren couldn't believe he was drinking beer at a gay party. College would be fun. It would change him. "Thanks, Tony. Are you going to dance tonight?" "No. I didn't wear shoes for dancing. Plus I hate this kind of music. I mostly listen to salsa." What? Warren only knew salsa as a dip for chips. He assumed it was a spicy kind of music. Probably Latin. The two of them continued to make idle chat and slowly moved closer together. When Orlando came back with several beers, he glared at Warren like an angry teacher. He took him aside. "Did you kiss him? Did you drink from his cup? What happened?" "No! Of course we didn't kiss. I drank a few sips from his cup, though. Why?" "He's got the AIDS virus. You can't get that from the cup, but I think he has other things too. I've been going to this school for ten years, and over that time I've seen AIDS move in and claim plenty of men. You're new and I'm not comfortable with seeing you start up anything with Tony." Warren couldn't respond. The beer taste in his mouth suddenly turned bitter. He sometimes brushed his teeth so hard that his gums bled. He knew blood was a way for that virus to get in. He had brushed right before he got there. Bad? He liked Orlando's show of concern. But he still felt drawn to Tony. What if he never saw him again? It was a big campus. New thoughts and feelings were hitting his brain like a boxing glove assailing a punching bag. Bam! "I know you probably don't dance, but would you like to go with me for refills? Just stay behind me." Warren followed him to where beer was being served, but didn't linger too close. He tried to be invisible, but was aware that he was being looked at. He and Orlando drank their beers and watched the crowd. "Do you like this music." Warren asked him "Not at all. I like the classical stuff. I hope to someday be a composer. But this is the music most gays like. What do you listen to?" "Old R&B, mostly. I love Aretha Franklin and Marvin Gaye." The conversation came to an abrupt end when dome random friend of Orlando's showed up and begged him to dance. Warren was alone in a crowd of gays. He decided to go back to the corner and look for Tony, but he and the others were gone. Time to go. As he made his way to the exit, he saw Tony dancing. He was maybe a little out of it because he was barefoot. Who the hell went out on the dance floor without shoes? But Warren thought it was kind of cute. Tony wasn't a very good dancer, which was also kind of endearing. Those dark brown eyes caught Warren's. More electricity was exchanged. "Where's Orlando? He didn't leave you alone did he?" He was sweating a lot. Warren saw a drop go down the bridge of Tony's nose and thought to himself "There's AIDS in that drop". AIDS. It was really here and really real. "He's dancing out there somewhere. What happened to your sandals?" Tony looked down at his bare feet and seemed surprised. "Oh shit! I left them somewhere. I'm kind of drunk." "No kidding. I think I am a little too. I've never really drank before." "Let's go. It's too loud in here." He grabbed Warren's wrist and led him out. Somebody at the door asked if they wanted a hand stamp to get back in. Tony ignored them. They enjoyed the luxury of quiet as they got in the elevator. It's funny how much you miss silence after being in a place like that. Warren could still hear some of that last song in his head. "What did Orlando tell you about me. He didn't like us talking -- I know that much." "He didn't say anything about you," Warren lied. "We just talked about music." "Oh. OK. Where do you live?" "It's just across Potter's Park here. Can you walk that far with no shoes on?" "Yeah, yeah. I'm always barefoot...I've got the thickest,most calloused soles you've ever seen." They set off across the park. It was well-lit and there were little blue boxes for calling security if you needed it. At the orientation, they warned people not to pick up these phones out of curiosity...the campus cops would come even if the phone was lifted off the hook. All of this had happened a few years before Warren had arrived, A few muggings and rapes had happened and it was demanded something be done. Warren looked down at Tony's bare feet, padding unprotected on the sidewalk. Warren remembered walking around barefoot as a kid during the Summer. He once stepped on a nail attached to a small piece of wood. It hurt, but he was more surprised than in pain. He limped toward the house with the whole mess still attached to his foot. He'd cried so loud and then had to go get a tetanus shot on top of all that. A cold shudder went through him. One bad childhood memory among many others. "You lied to me", Tony said out of nowhere. "Huh?" "I know Orlando told you everything about me. He tells everybody. He's a resentful person. He's got some good qualities, but his big mouth ticks me off sometimes. You are like this shiny new coin he found on the beach and wanted to show you off." "What do you think he told me?" "I don't THINK. I KNOW he told you I've got HIV. Didn't he? Be honest." "Yeah." Warren felt guilty. "He said you might have other things as well." "Asshole. He doesn't know everything about me. But what surprises me most is that you don't seem afraid. You're here in a dark park with a guy that carries a disease. You didn't even hesitate to leave with me." Warren took stock of the situation. He looked inside of himself and felt no fear or hesitation. He really liked the Latin man keeping him company. It made no sense. His idiot brothers made bad decisions their whole lives. Warren was the smart one. Who says he was making a bad decision?? "Are you sick, physically?" "Nope. Not at all. It's supposedly like a cancer that is ready and waiting to spread. There's drugs out there for it, but I'm hoping for a cure." "Yeah. I've read about all the progress they're making. I think they're even working on a vaccine." "I'm biding my time. Do you have a roommate?" "Not yet. My R.A. told me the guy wasn't coming until a few days after the semester started. He's from some other country somewhere." Tony's mood brightened. "So you're at JSP? That's not a bad dorm...closest one to campus." "There's a 'Dark Side of the Moon' mural on my floor's walls. My brothers listened to that album over and over again. I hated it." "Murals are almost always bad. Ugly. Can I crash at your place tonight?" "Absolutely. You can't really go anywhere else with no shoes." And then Tony reached out and took his hand. Warren had never held hands with anyone but his Mom...when he was very young. Touch was a good thing. Tony's hand was a little smaller than his, but wider and thicker. It felt right. THIS was what romance felt like. What a nice night this was turning out to be. "What's in your head right now?" Warren paused before answering "Nothing but good things." "Stop for a second." They were under the shade of a large willow tree by Potter's Lake. They kissed and Warren felt like he was breaking into a million pieces. This had been a long time coming. Warren had once kissed Liz Brunner at a high school dance. But their lips were closed tight. And it wasn't sexy. Tony's mouth was warm and open...his tongue was inside of the boy's mouth. Exploring and tasting. Warren let go of Tony's hand and reached around to hold him in a hug. He let them wander all over his shoulders and back. He finally dared to go down to touch Tony's ass. It was big and round. And solid. Without stopping the kiss, he pulled Warren's right hand to his crotch. Whoa! It was bigger and harder than the boy could have guessed. He also wasn't wearing underwear. Warren's mom had told him to always wear underwear, clean underwear. They reached a natural stopping point and kept walking. "That was nice. I like you, Tony." "Wow." That's he said as he draped one arm over Warren's shoulders. They walked like that all the way back to the dorm. It wasn't 11 pm yet, so they could go in the rear exit. On the 4th floor, Tony took a few seconds took look at the mural. Triangles with rainbows coming out of them. " You're right. This is pretty bad." Inside the room, Warren became keenly aware of how juvenile it looked. He'd brought goofy toys and memorabilia from home. One of his favorite possessions was a plastic Q-Bert bank he'd been given as a boy. He loved that video game even though he'd never really been that good at it. Of course Tony zeroed in on that. He picked it up and chuckled. "I remember this guy. He's cute. You are so boyish." "What do you mean?" Warren asked. "I meant that in a good way. You held on to that little kid inside." "Oh. Want me to turn on the TV. I don't know any of the channels yet. Choose something for us." Tony clicked on the little TV and scanned what was available. There were UHF channels here, which Warren's home town didn't get. A rerun of "Green Acres" was on. "Nothing on. Let me find something on your stereo." Suddenly Warren that his musical tastes would seem as silly as the plastic Q-Bert. But Tony was tuning the FM dial to a Latin station. Mexican music. The men who had worked on his parents' roof listened to this music all fucking day long. He wasn't really a fan...it sounded like a carnival to him. Aretha could kick all their asses. The little, barefoot Latin man started dancing just a few feet away from where Warren sat on his bed. It was sexy to watch. This guy who knew how to move his body. He took off his t=shirt and left it on the floor.If Tony forgot to take that shirt, he'd steal it and keep it forever. He had a broad hairy chest that was a little flabby. Not bad, just hefty. A thin trail went down his gut and into his shorts. Warren's dad and brothers were pretty hairy, but not him. He was like a newborn. Tony danced to a few songs and Warren wondered if he'd do a striptease. !!! His eyes were like an eagle's as he watched. "OK. I know this isn't your style. Put on something you like." This felt like a test to Warren. He wanted to play something they'd both like, but also a song that would continue the mood. Al Greene! Yes! "Let's Stay Together" was one of the best songs ever recorded. As soon as it started, Tony closed his eyes "Ah, yes. I know this. Dance with me." What? Well...He wanted to, but this was more of a listening song than a dancing song. OK. That hairy torso was pretty hard to resist. Tony removed Warren's shirt and pressed his body to his. Warren remembered slow-dancing with Liz Brunner to "True Colors" way back in the day. It was so tedious, but this wasn't. He held Tony's body to his and swayed a bit. Slow dancing never made sense until now. They resumed kissing as Tony reached over and turned out the light. Dancing in the dark with this perfect man. Yes! This kiss was different than the one n the park. It was deeper and more energetic...more meaningful. As the song was ending, Tony moved his mouth to Warren's right ear. "Want to fuck?" Fuck? Sex? "Yes." "Take off you pants. Take off everything and get into your bed." So he did as he was told. In the dark with only some streetlights coming in the window. "I...I don't know to do anything, Tony." "I'll teach you a few things. Want me to shower? I'm pretty sweaty and I'm sure my feet are filthy. Got a towel?" " Forget all that and just come here." Tony joined Warren under the cool sheets and soon climbed on top of him. "Am I too heavy?" "Not at all" "Do I smell?" "Yeah...but in a good way." "You'll belong to me pretty soon. Can you handle that? Handle me?" "Oh YES!" "That was your consent, Warren. You might not like this at first." "OK" Then the man on top of him suddenly got heavier as he worked himself down and spread the guy's legs with his hips. Tony knew this was a virgin and it would take a little work. He aimed his hard prick just right and let the tip kiss Warren's ass. "Yeah!!!" "That was the easy part. I should have had you blow me first. Spit would help this." But the oral time had passed. He had to fuck this kid. The head found the spot and moved in. He was IN! "NO! WAIT! I CAN"T" "Just get used to it a little. Relax. Push your ass muscles out a little. It's going to feel better." But Warren continued to protest. Loudly. Warren 's brain was over the rainbow somewhere. He thought of stepping on a nail -- only now the nail was puncturing him in a different place. Tony moved in a little further...and further. He scanned Warren's face, waiting for his grimace to turn into a smile. Oh god! An HIV man had his dick inside of him...and damn if it didn't seem perfect. "I'm fine. Fuck me. Cum in me." "Whatever you say..." The smaller man had a body made to fuck ass. His hips were strong and instinctive. Warren looked like he was in some glorious place, based on the expression on his shadowed face. "Shit! I'm gonna come! You can't change anything at this point! UGH! Here!!!" Warren felt the man release his seed deep inside of him. Perfect. So perfect. They napped a little...and then fucked again. It was morning when they woke up. Very early. The sun was creeping in to find two poz men wrapped in each other's arms. "I can drive you home, Tony. Where do you live?" "On Ohio Street. With my Mom. She'll make us breakfast." "Sounds great." They walked out into the morning light, holding hands.
  6. Hell, just a very big cock will tear you up enough to rip your ass. What Leather69 is true...pa's are usually smooth, but they do make them with spikes and such. Never seen one, but they exist.
  7. 1980 I was a very late-bloomer. Delayed. I was a short, skinny kid and picked-on pretty much constantly in school. I also acted and talked a little like a girl. I kept trying to talk in a deeper voice, but it just sounded scratchy and obviously fake. So I became pretty much silent. It wasn't too hard because I was used to being alone. Nobody said it, but I figured out that I was an "accident" all on my own. By the time I was born, my two sisters were already teenagers. They ignored me and my parents were always tired. We lived on a farm and there were no kids my age for miles. So I just wandered around in pastures and fields and daydreamed. By the time I was about to start 8th grade, not much had changed. My sisters were both married with families of their own. They came home to visit sometimes. It was late July and I was just lingering on the front porch swing with a bunch of barn cats hovering around me. Through the screen door, I heard my mom and oldest sister talking: "Well, he's not going out for football again this year. I guess that's good because he's so small and fragile. He's not really developing. He didn't even need new school clothes." "Can he lift weights or something?" "I can't picture him doing that. He might get hurt. Oh well, he'll always be my little boy." "He's 13, Mom." That was all I needed to hear. I had to grow. Somehow. What weights could I lift here in the middle of nowhere?? I'd figure out something. That evening I went behind a row of hedge trees and held my arms out straight like I was Jesus on the cross. It started to hurt after 60 seconds, 120 seconds...but I had to toughen up. I held them out until my shoulders just gave out. I could barely lift my fork at dinner that night. Still sore the next morning, I just decided to run...as fast as I could for as long as I could. sometimes I'd get so far from home, that they'd notice I was gone and come looking for me. I got addicted to pain because everybody knows the pain toughens you up. I also loved to sweat. It was like the non-toughness was seeping out of my pores. Mom finally forbid me from running so far from home. "If you want to run, just take laps around the old shed. It's flat dirt there." So that's what I did...over and over again in temperatures that sometimes got over 100. I overdid it once or twice. You know when your sweat stops and you feel cold, that you should have already stopped a while ago. I also wasn't changing. No muscles and my voice hadn't changed at all. Once I recovered from that, I still hadn't noticed much improvement. I knew I was still girly and defective. So I upped the effort. Out in our closest pasture there was a row of junked cars, trucks and tractors. I would go look at them when I needed some comfort. So fascinating. Something that was once new and functioning was now dead and useless. My oldest sister's first car was here. It was a pink Rambler that I can barely remember when it was drive-able. I don't think I ever rode in it. I was studying it when a dangerous idea entered my head... "The Toughness Test" is what I called it. I'd sit inside the car with all the windows rolled up. It would get unbearably hot within less than two minutes. I toughed it out as long as I could before fumbling outside, panting and feeling the hot August air soaking up my many pints of sweat. I tried to last longer and longer each time. The last time I did it, was the weekend before school started. Time was almost up and I needed to change in so many ways. I sat in the car and baked for what seemed like a long time. The longest ever as far as I could tell. Sheets of perspiration washed over my face. This would do the trick! Once the sweating stopped, I knew it was probably best if I quit for right now. I made it out of the car somehow, but couldn't walk. my head was pounding and my vision was blurry. The wind roared through me as a thunderstorm moved in. 1986 It was my last year of high school. I'd grown a lot taller and bulkier. My voice got deeper, but I didn't use it much. Once you stay silent for a long enough time, it becomes a habit and part of who you are. Sometimes I wondered if all this growth had been ignited by that one last toughness test. I remained addicted to pain and tests of endurance. I lifted weights in the gym every chance I could and ran for hours. I'd regularly run to the county line and back. When the weather was bad, I'd do hundreds of push-ups in my room. Maybe I'd be more of a man if I could just keep pushing this gay thing out of me. Yeah, I finally heard all the words for it. I knew it was a bad thing. I could fix it. I went to a state college that September. It was just far enough away that it was impractical for me to live at home. I stayed in a dorm and went to classes and wrote papers. I only decided to major in journalism because you had to major in something. I read the campus newspaper daily, and wondered if I really wanted to be part of all that. The stories were usually pretty good. AIDS was a big story there and everywhere. It was a gay disease that was caused by semen. There was a big fuss about whether free condoms should be handed out to students. There was even a gay group on campus. No way in hell could I ever let another person know I was gay...even if the other person was gay too. It had dawned on me over the past months that I could never "fix" myself. I just kept quiet. Right before finals, there was a small story in the paper about how a male student was raped in the fitness center. They used his full name! The rapist or rapists had not been caught. I knew enough about things, that he'd most likely been fucked in the ass with a dick. That had to hurt pretty bad. And it might also mean he'd been given the AIDS virus. Poor guy. That story stayed with me for a long time. I'd never been to the fitness center. My addiction to exercise had faded for the most part. Now I was getting curious about the place. Maybe next year. I went back home for Christmas and it was as awful as I expected. Both parents commented on how much weight I'd gained...in a complimentary way, like they were proud or something. It was annoying, especially after they kept patting my stomach. The sisters were bitchy as usual and each said overly-long, religious blessings before every meal. I had to get out of there. Fast. I made an excuse for why I had to go back and left as soon as I could. The campus was so quiet and empty, almost haunted. Because I had nothing else to do, I went jogging. Felt like old times...even though I was a little out of practice. But the burn in my legs and lungs felt good. I missed this. I ran past the student fitness center several times. There were two cars in the lot. Something made me super alert whenever I looked at that building. I knew but also didn't know why. This would be a good time to start lifting weights again. It would be clean and empty. Maybe tomorrow...or tonight. It was open 24 hours a day and was free if you had a student I.D. Classes started in a week, and a few more students started trickling back. I'd been going to the fitness center every other day, getting acquainted with some of the new weights I'd never seen back in my dinky high school locker room. There was almost always a group of guys there who didn't seem too interested in lifting weights. They just sat and talked, and watched. I called them "The Owls" because they were all eyes. Three of them were guys around my age and then one older guy who was maybe a teacher or something. I got used to them and we'd nod 'hello' sometimes. It was weird that they all seemed to move in a synchronized way. Like those birds who all change direction mid-air at the same time. The owls were just part of the scenery now, and I stopped noticing them. The day before Winter Break was officially over, I went to go enjoy the empty gym one last time. It was almost sunset by the time I got around to it. There were more cars this time. Great. People were coming back. I'd probably have to come very early in the morning from now on. I wondered if I'd ever like other human beings. Friends would be nice some day. I went in and there six other students there, not including the owls. I focused on feeling the burn and making this workout count. Time flew by and then the sun was all the way down. I decided to shower here again. It was clean and always empty. I hated this new soap I'd swiped from home. It smelled too perfume-y. Woman soap. I'd probably just leave it here and go to Kroger's to get my regular kind. That's where my brain was at when everything changed. There were others in the shower room. I sensed them right before I heard them. The Owls? Someone else? My face was wet and soapy so I could only see that there were three of them and they were naked. Just other guys showering, but all at once? I felt my heart race...but not in a bad way. A few of the lights went off. It wasn't completely dark, but much dimmer than before. Something might be going down. Then I was slammed to the tiled floor. Probably broke my nose. No idea. It happened fast. One guy had ahold of my wrists and another had an iron grip on my ankles...while still another was kneeling on my back. I was helpless and in shock. I was watching this from afar. I wasn't really there. "Just cooperate or I'll break your fucking neck and stuff you in a dumpster." I couldn't say anything because I wasn't actually there, was I? I was being attacked. I still remembered the full name of the guy who had been raped here. Was that going to happen to me now? I'd never say a word to anyone. No matter what. "I give up. I won't fight you." "Atta' boy! See? I told you he'd be cool with this. I just knew." I could smell disinfectant and soap and steam. My nose was bleeding pretty bad. "Two of us have the AIDS bug and two of us maybe have it. Which do you want first? No answer? Okay. It doesn't really matter anyway...not for you." And then somebody spread my legs out and I felt his nude body weigh down my back. His mouth was in my ear. "First time?" I made a noise that sounded like "yes" "It'll be okay. I was eleven when my cherry got popped. You're at least older than that." His hard penis was sandwiched between my wet ass cheeks. He just kept moving them up and down, masturbating himself. If this all butt sex was, it wasn't so bad. No. Then he tried to put it inside of me and it wouldn't go in. It hurt so bad. He was excited now and very determined to drill me down there. PAIN! Holy shit! It was impossible pain, but I was old friends with unbearable pain. I could do this. I wanted to do this. This was just another toughness test. "Shit, man. You are so tight and not even yelling with my giant cock all the way inside you. I'm the biggest of all of us, so the rest will be way easier." And then he started thrusting urgently. I felt a part of me melt and wanting to really enjoy the sensation. I was almost there, when his body grew rigid. "I'm coming, kid! It's all going deep in your guts!!! YEAAH!!!" I wish I could have felt it swirl around inside and mix with my blood. The second guy was smaller than the first, and much quieter. He came quickly. Sometime during the third guy's assault, I had my own orgasm. It just felt so good now. Felt right. I had finally passed the ultimate toughness test. No one on Earth was as tough as me now. The last guy was so close to coming that he just had the others hold me up and cover my eyes while he pushed his dick in my mouth. I felt all of the veins against my lips. I wanted this as a reward for enduring the pain from before. It was. It was hot and tasted a little like lemons. Shit, I could live on that fluid! He still had some drops left that he pushed into my bloody nose. More tainting. "You can uncover my eyes now. I really liked this and want to do it again. Tomorrow? I'll give you my address." But I suddenly found out that my eyes were just closed. I was alone on a wet shower floor. I knew it really happened, though, because my nose and ass were both bleeding. I cleaned up as best I could. AIDS would be another toughness test, I guess, but I was ready for the challenge. For any challenge. AUTHOR'S NOTE: I hope you liked this story. I know I liked sharing it. If you're satisfied with it and want to go somewhere else on BZ now, I appreciate your time. Thank you. The actual ending is a very different and not at all sexy. A 'wood-killer', you might say. Don't read any further if that is a concern. This is something I needed to write. ALTERNATE ENDING August 22, 1980 It was 102 outside and yet everybody was out looking for Judy Irwin's missing son. At first his mom and dad thought he was just hiding somewhere because school was starting soon. Then when a full 24 hours went by, they went driving around before finally calling the sheriff. The mother worried he'd started his peculiar running habit and been hit by a truck. Those truckers drove so fast and so crazy in that area. Or maybe he'd been kidnapped. Everybody looked and everybody made phone calls. Now half the county was out searching for the boy. Irwin was still darkly tanned by the long days out working in the field, but the tan only barely covered the pale panic he felt. Damn kid! He had always been odd, but this was too much. The boy's brother-in-laws were both pitching in, calling his name: "JESSE!!!!" By the third day, the panic was slowly giving way to grief. The drought that Summer had dried u all the creeks and ponds. Fewer neighbors showed up for the search. The mother stayed by the phone. She hardly slept and couldn't remember the last time she ate. She worried that she had failed the boy. Ever since she had her hysterectomy, she'd nearly forgotten about him. Jesse was a new teenager and probably feeling a lot of things he wanted to talk about. He was just a strange boy who did strange stuff at times. She nor her husband knew what to make of Jesse at times. If he came home, she wouldn't make him go back to school. He could miss a year or be tutored. She just wanted him home. Irwin was feeding the cows and trying not to fall apart. It was almost supper time and the sun was getting lower and pinker in the sky. He adjusted his overalls a bit because they were a size too large. This was probably his fault, he thought. He kept forgetting about that boy. He was a hard-working man with no time for trying to understand this weird kid. He didn't know much about the boy. Well, he knew that Jesse liked old cars. He loved going with Irwin when he went to the junkyard in Hullard to look for parts. It was the only thing they shared---the love of junk and old cars. He'd never thought to look in his own private junk collection under the hedge trees. There wasn't anything there that could hurt him badly. He might be hiding there...but for four days? He'd need food before that long, right? His steps quickened as he saw the row of old cars and assorted wreckage. He searched and searched until finally arriving at Linda's old Rambler. That horrible heap of a car. He saw the boy inside. Still and blistered and covered by flies. Irwin carried the small body up toward the house. He gave out a cry that sounded almost like the note of a song.
  8. You. You are 19 years old and the year is 1991. It is the Summer after your first year of college and you have so many regrets. You messed up. You were so glad to be free, to be away from your religious parents that you started drinking rum mixed with Coke. It was illegal to have hard liquor in the dorm, but you fell in with a bad crowd. Your buddy Andrew was the leader of the group and looked like a full-grown man. He never got carded.You want to be Andrew. Actually, you might like him too much. You know you are gay and that it will never go away. Drinking alcohol made you feel so good and, for a while, you were doing it every day. Last Winter you went to a basketball game because your school has always had famously good teams. You don't really care about sports, but Andrew does. He likes to go to games and get rowdy. So you took the quickest route from your dorm which went through campus and down a hill. You don't remember much about the game except that it was very loud. You and Andrew were both pretty drunk. On the way back, you felt so tired. You wanted to lie down on a bench somewhere. Andrew was still pumped up from the game. He was talking so much and his words sounded like scribbles. "I gotta take a leak," he announced. The two of you went behind the architecture building and pissed side by side. Maybe you were too out of it to realize you were looking at his long penis as he let loose a heavy stream of pee. He might have noticed, but he'd never remember. Then a bright light. You were busted by a campus cop. You were furious for whatever reason. Charges. You were both busted for public intoxication and indecency. You never drank again after that night. Your parents were upset of course. They payed for your bail and a lawyer. It wasn't so bad in the end. You'd never ever been in trouble before...and the judge gave you forty hours of community service. So now you are wearing an orange vest and picking up trash with other busted kids around your age. Not Andy. His folks gave a lot of money to the school and he somehow got off free. You just do as you're told now. The guy in charge took you and the others to the park and gave you a long, stabbing stick that you used to poke pieces of trash and put them in a trash bag. It's hot and the mosquitoes are bad this year. Time flew by as you did your service...you actually didn't mind it too much. You thought of your first grade teacher (Miss Kraus) who used to take the whole class on "field trips" where all you did was clean up litter. She was a very big on the environment. You can barely remember what she looked like, but she made an impact on you somehow because you hated litter --- it was another form of pollution. It made you unreasonably mad to see trash on the ground. It gave you satisfaction to remove it. You haven't touched a drop of alcohol in six months. and your head felt clear. You could feel the hot wind blowing through your brain. The guy in charge (Wyatt) noticed how good you were and how many bags you filled. He smiled and talked differently to you than he did the other ones. He liked your focus. "I'm gonna give you credit for ten hours today instead of six. You've done twice as much as any of the others." You smile at him gratefully. Wyatt is tall and a little husky. Probably not even five years older than you. You like his dark beard and the hair on his hands. You say nothing, though. You know that you get crushes too easily...and that's why you're here now. Andrew. You haven't thought of him in several weeks. You were never a 'teacher's pet'. Not ever. You always hated those kids. But now you'd become one. Wyatt made you his . Nobody gave you shit about it -- to your face anyway. As a matter of fact, some of them buddied-up to you, hoping to garner some of Wyatt's favor for themselves. One guy named 'Tooker' was your new friend. He wasn't a student as far as you could tell. He was almost 30 and heavily tattooed. Had an earring even. He hung around you as you went on your mission of litter removal. "I think I hate the spent fireworks the most. So many tiny pieces of paper." You think Tooker is sexy too. He is almost as tall as Wyatt, but not as hairy...and darker complected. Maybe he was part Mexican or Italian. He kept up with your pace, doing a well as you. It was a giant city park and the two of you went deeper into the unused section of the park. You were probably getting too far from Wyatt and the others, but that gave Tooker the opportunity to have a cigarette. It wasn't against the rules to smoke, but it was frowned upon. "You never drink water, kid. Don't you get dehydrated? I drink as much water as I can." You want to say something, but don't. "That's why I always have to piss. That bathroom is too far from here. Watch out for whats-his-name. I'm gonna go now." He unzipped his jeans and peed against a tree. This was all too familiar to you, but you couldn't help but look. His dick wasn't all that long, but pretty thick. You saw how hairy his crotch was. And he saw you looking. "It's been so long since I had a blow-job. You like being blown? Blowing?" You have no idea how to answer. You feel excited and scared. "Well, I guess you don't talk much. Is it okay if I beat off for a minute? You can watch if you want. I think I want you to see it up close. You can touch my balls." He knew what you were and what you wanted. You unsteadily walked toward him, closer. Tooker's dick was fully hard and looked purple. You look around. No one was close. It wouldn't hurt just to watch. You masturbate often, but it might be fun to watch someone else do it. You also wanted to touch him. His jeans went lower down his legs. "Just get down on your knees for a better look." You did. The sight activated a prehistoric part of your brain. You not only touched his hard penis, but went ahead and took it in your mouth. Tooker liked that a lot. He had long fingers that twined in your hair in a way that felt so right. There was AIDS out there, but not here. not now. Right? "Shit. Yeah! Your mouth feels like velvet. I'm gonna cum pretty soon. Will you swallow it down?" You thought you probably would like doing that. But then.... "What have we here??" Wyatt asked. Shit. Kiss all your brownie points away. You'd been busted again. This whole gay thing was going to lead you down the drain. Tooker's dick was out of your mouth and back in his pants instantly. You are still on your knees. Tooker tried to be casual. "Is it time to go, boss?" "It was about forty minutes ago. I've already driven the van back. I knew you two were up to something...being so far away." Your face feels hot and you suddenly wished you had hydrated. "I...I'm sorry. It won't happen again." You sound scared. "Relax. You need to worry about other things. Like -- you just had an HIV positive dick in your mouth. Tooker is pretty famous in this town. First poz guy we ever had in the system." "I...oh." You are 19 and out of options. Tooker just looked at the ground and frowned. "You guys aren't in trouble, OK? I just to watch you two fuck. If you both fuck -- with no condom, I'll clear all your service hours. How'a that? Tooker still has over a hundred hours left, but the kid only has 13." That's all Tooker needed to hear. He took off his shoes, socks and jeans, but left his t-shirt on. There was a metal earring on the head of his dick. He kissed you hard on the mouth. Yes. You wanted sex with this thug. You didn't care about the virus in his semen. "Take the boy's clothes off." Wyatt was leaning against a tree,jacking off. There are a million thoughts racing in your head. None came to the forefront as Tooker undressed you. He wanted his hours over with more than he wanted to fuck you. So what? You could feel and almost smell the heat from his bare loins. This guy was way more experienced than you would probably ever be. He may have been ordered to do this, but you had a feeling he would try to do it eventually. "Push him to the ground, Tooker. I want to see your ass pumping. Make it last." Wyatt was jerking his meat faster. You are instantly flat on your back with a dull thud. There's no air in your lungs. He might have broken you. "Don't worry, little man. I am close to coming and this will be quick. Try to relax your ass muscles a little." You don't know how to do that. Then Tooker was on top of you. He smelled like sweat and Summer. "Spit on him. Make him a little bitch," The boss man said in a disgusting voice. All of your nerve endings are on alert. This feels good and natural. He spits in your hair and you discover you don't mind it that much. But then his decorated penis goes inside of you a little. "Shit, Tooker! Keep him quiet. Somebody will hear!" Your own screams echo in your head and they are real. There was no pain like this that you can ever remember. It didn't go away. A hand went over your mouth as the man was actually fucking you. Hard. You were no longer a virgin. A moan escaped your lungs. It feels better when you stop fighting. It might feel great if you let it. You enjoy it. It is unbelievable. The hand is removed from your mouth. "Yeah! You like it, don't you? I'm going to cum inside of you pretty soon. Yeah!" You will remember forever the point in time where this man's eyes rolled back as he went faster and harder. You had an orgasm right before he did. Then it was over. "Well done! Tooker--take your stuff back to the van. Don't wander off, and I'll clear both of you when we get back." You are still lying there, naked. A mosquito landed on your forehead. Then Wyatt walks over to you, his dick still jutting out from his fly. "Quite a ride, huh? Oh hell, you're bleeding like crazy. Stay there and let it seep out. Don't want getting any of that on the upholstery." You don't know what to say, think or feel. "Oh yeah! Stay there. I'm almost finished. He stroked faster and faster and then stopped. A spray of hot fluid hits your face. Wyatt had added his own contribution to all of this. "It's late. Just put on your pants and sit on your vest when we get in the van. You've graduated!" You hardly remember anything right after that. That night and even that week are dark now, School started again and you keep your head down and tackle the books. There's a virus in your blood now. Would it bloom into something else? It might. You don't know.
  9. 1988 I'd always considered myself as an unlucky man. Maybe because I was born on the 13th? I just never got a lucky break ever. My family really didn't do much to make me think otherwise. Mom and Dad were always tired and grouchy, and my two older brothers were mean and barely ever talked to me. As soon as I'd make a good friend in school, he or she would move. Why did I keep going? I just did. It wasn't a "God" that helped me because I didn't believe in one anymore. After enough of your prayers go unanswered, you realize that there is nothing out there. I kept forging ahead and eventually made it to college. Sounds great, right? Not hardly. I was always broke and never had a social life. The Summer after my first year, I came home to live with my parents and my oldest brother (his second wife had kicked him out). I needed a job. "Kwik Kountry" was one of those little independent convenience stores you hardly ever see anymore. Our town was medium sized and this was, by far, the crummiest place to go for beer or smokes. They had an opening for the 11 to 7 shift. It wasn't so bad. Hardly anybody came in, I could smoke and I could drink free Dr. Pepper all night. Oh - and we also carried a huge selection of porn magazines. They were all catered to the hetero crowd, but you could see plenty of dicks in some of them. Yeah, I was gay. Just more bad luck I guess. But it's not like I could just beat off there on the job. I read the articles, even. And talked to a few late-night regulars. There was a lonely old guy who like to drink coffee and smoke while he told me the same stories over and over again. And there were bad teens...smoking, high, shoplifting kids not much younger than me. They seemed to like me even though I'd busted a few of them for stealing or trying to use fake I.D.s. Maybe they knew I was a loser too. By 5 AM, there was no one stopping in. I mopped and cleaned the bathroom. No music and no TV. I thought this would be the worst job I'd ever have, but later I'd consider it maybe "the best". Why? Randy. Kwik Kounty was near the train station, and this was a railroad town. There were guys who worked nights. I think they were either cleaning or fixing the trains or something like that. I just know they liked caffeinated beverages, snacks and porn. I guessed they used their breaks to refuel and jack off. Randy seemed to have an insatiable porn habit -- he bought the same kinds of magazines I liked. The less-famous titles like "Adam's Video" and "Club". They were way sleazier than "Playboy". He was a short, stocky blonde guy who was close to 30. He gave me a hard time about how much everything cost here, but I think he liked me because I rang up his porn like I was ringing up a a Snickers bar. I was cool about it. Sometimes he came back twice in a single night. Three times one night...he'd bought an issue of "Hustler" he forgot he already owned. I always noticed his hands when I gave back change. They were small but wide. Very calloused. I also knew he probably masturbated with at least one of those hands. I pictured it. My best guess was that he wasn't hung or anything. But I still wanted to see his unit. His stuff. His smile was so bright and friendly. Why was he beating off so much? He could get laid so easy. I had this thought: If I was a woman I'd suck his dick right now. I tried to mentally communicate that. but it didn't work. Or did it? Randy started hanging around more often and for longer amounts of time. We'd spend twenty minutes just talking bullshit. He drank his Mountain Dew and I'd smoke. He was just so cute. I had no idea what "falling in love" was, but I think I was on the verge of it. Maybe not. I tried to picture him naked as he talked to me. Nothing about him seemed gay to me. Mom always told me that my eyes gave me away. I have pretty big eyes that dance and gleam when I'm excited. Did Randy see that when he came in? Maybe. He dropped by often...sometimes not to even buy anything. "How do you not fall asleep here? It's so dead." "Oh, I drink plenty of caffeine. I get free soda and just gulp it down all night." "You could always lock the door and put up a sign in the door that says 'back in 5 minutes'." "Never thought of that." "Make it 'ten minutes'...that way you could come visit me for a change." "I just might." He left and I thought some complicated thoughts. Straight guys never turned down a blow job, right? I'd read some things. Maybe he'd let me suck him off if I ever got up the nerve. I'd never sucked a dick, but had imagined doing it so many times. Porn ladies seemed to love doing it. But no way could I close up the store. The deliveries came at all hours. But I was also going back to school in a month. So what if they fired me? Maybe I would do it. This was a guy who was obviously horny all the time. Maybe he wanted a mouth to come in instead of just his rough hand. The next night, I saw Randy again. He seemed happy. "Everything is delayed tonight. I've got the next hour to do nothing. I knew you wouldn't be busy, so I thought I'd come keep you company. Why are you wearing a jacket? It's July." "I just got done restocking the beer and soda and shit. That cooler is cold." "Can you show me? I want to look behind the scenes!" "Sure." Huh? What? He wanted me to show him our crummy little refrigerated section? WHY? I showed him back. The door didn't lock, but I was always afraid it would, and trap me in. I think an old "Brady Bunch" episode put that fear in me. The milk guy had already been here. "Damn! It's cold in here. My fuckin' balls are shrinking." "Oh. That's too bad." "It is? Why do you care?" "Huh...what? I mean. No. I could have told you it's cold back here." "Relax. Will you get in trouble if we have a couple of the beers?" "No. Not if you throw the empties away outside somewhere. But aren't you cold?" "A little, but it's 90 degrees outside. We can have a few brews and I'll let my body sweat dry." We sat on a pallet of Pepsi cases and helped ourselves to a few over-sized cans of Coors Light. I'd never done anything this wrong before. It was my turn to talk. I was the "host" after all. "I'm quitting in three weeks. School starts pretty soon." "I figured. You're too good for this town. But....I'll miss you." "Really?" "Yeah. With my schedule, I don't have much of a social life. I guess you know what that's like." "Absolutely." "And I guess it's extra bad for you --- being a fag." "What? Huh? I mean...why did you think that??" "Relax, kid. I know things. I'm slightly faggoty myself. I've been with men and women since I was 14. I love fucking pussy more than anything, but I'll take whatever I can find. It's confusing and hard to deal with which is why I like porn more." "You DO like porn." "I'm cold. I want to leave here, but I need to kiss you first." Wow. No way. For real. And then he planted his face on mine. It felt so right. He was a little aggressive and the whole scene felt unreal. He had rough stubble around his mouth. We kissed like that for a good five minutes. I'd just had my first kiss in a cold room at the age of 20. Then a customer came in. Shit! I got out of there fast and rang up the dude's Gatorade. During the transaction, Randy left. I'd never felt so alone. My manager came in at 6 AM and let me leave. My lips were very red and swollen. It didn't go away for hours. Mom thought I had an allergic reaction to something. But I guessed Randy's rough kiss and rough face had caused it. I never wanted my lips to go back to normal. Not ever. But they did. I slept during the day...and that day I had a dream about a big city deserted. It looked like Chicago or New York. The streets were empty because a hurricane was coming. I stood in the middle f a wide street and waited for the storm. The next night at Kwik Kountry, it was unusually slow. Randy came in at his regular time and browsed the porn. The new magazines were delivered in the morning when I wasn't here. There must have not been anything interesting because Randy came over to talk after a few seconds. He just bullshitted like nothing had happened between us. We talked casually and like old buddies. I had changed, but he hadn't. I was free to look him up and down. I stared at his crotch, legs, hands and boots. He was a compact guy and very solid. I leered at his body as he talked about stupid stuff. Maybe I imagined it all. No. I hadn't. My mouth and chin were still red. We'd kissed. After he left, I felt a kind of loneliness that was very new to me. He was a straight guy who fooled around. We weren't "boyfriends". OK. It's like I said at the start of this -- I'm unlucky. The next night was on Friday, and we were busier than usual. The teen punks had come and gone. I carded one guy who was a 'Nam vet. He looked young. Whatever. It was mostly uneventful later on -- maybe because a storm was moving in. For such a rural area, people sure hated bad weather. The first hint of rain, and the streets would empty. I guess it was still tornado season. I was drowsy and the distant thunder and wind almost put me to sleep standing up. I needed to go back to school and have things to do. Maybe I faded for a bit, but a really loud clap of thunder shook me fully awake. And then the roaring rain moved in. The wind was really strong and the heavy drops nearly went sideways. Maybe a tornado would come. I decided I no longer cared. If I saw a funnel cloud, I'd just go out and let it take me away. I soaked in my morbid death fantasies when Randy burst in the door. "Holy shit! It's a typhoon out there! You don't have a basement here. do you?" "No. There haven't been any sirens yet. I think we're fine." The moment I finished that sentence, the siren went off. "Lock the door and come with me. We got a big basement. Now!" I was so happy to see him and so concerned about a twister touching down that I don't think I even remembered to lock the door. Randy grabbed my hand (!!) and lead me across the street to the train station. It was a severe storm and I let him guide me. We were soaked. At the door, he fished for keys and suddenly we were in the lobby. It was grand and reminded me of old movies from the 1940's. "This way." The siren seemed louder. We went down a stairwell and he unlocked another door. There we were in a giant underground bunker full of tools and gas tanks and hoses. He was showing me a part of his life. It was so quiet down here. I heard the sirens (there were two going off now) only faintly. "Where's everybody else?" "The other guy went home. We mostly just clean the cars here, Mechanics are all union and work normal hours. I'm mostly a glorified janitor. There was a tornado in Topeka and everything is stuck there until morning. Come on." I followed him to another room that wasn't locked. It was about the size of my dorm room. There were mats and towels and rags everywhere. I felt my wet clothes weighing me down. I just stood there and worried a little about family. We had a basement, They'd be fine. "Damn! You look like you just went swimming. Get out of those clothes. They'll dry quicker." "Get naked?" I was suddenly unsure about everything. "What part of 'take off your clothes' did you not understand?? Don't be shy. I'll go first." And then Randy peeled off his boots and all the rest of his uniform. He was completely nude and I just stared. He was only about 5'8" or so, but had a thick torso. He was covered with brownish/blonde fur. His dick was maybe a little bigger than mine...but was getting half-hard. "You gonna memorize my body or take off your wet clothes?!" Busted. I stripped and knew he was noticing how skinny and hairless my body was. I had a full erection -- also embarrassing. He just acted like everything was normal. We were just two naked dudes. I was so uncomfortable with this now. Funny how eager you can be with fantasy dicks and then reality arrives... "Where should we put the clothes to dry?" "Anywhere. Just stretch them out on the floor. Don't leave 'em in a wad." He was fully hard now. I fussed with my wet jeans for a bit, but I was so busy looking at his hard-on. About 7 inches...maybe more. Cut. His balls were not huge at all, and they seemed to be climbing inside of him. Mine got that when I was cold -- or very horny. "Looks like the storm gave us big boners. You are bigger than I would have guessed. Mine never goes away until I cum. Think you can help?" He walked in my direction and held me in a tight, damp embrace. His erection touched mine. Electricity! He pushed my shoulders down until I was staring right at his cock...that already had a little drop of clear fluid dripping from the tip.His pubes were a little wet. I took the head in my mouth like it was the most natural thing in the world for me to do. "Don't worry. I won't shoot in your mouth. Damn! And to think you right across the street all this time! Let's make this count." He wasn't huge, but kept hitting my gag reflex nonetheless. Over and over until I thought I'd throw up. He grabbed my hair and kept pumping. "OK. OK. I should be a nice guy and stop now. No more." He pulled that slimy tool out of my mouth. "No. I can finish for you. I don't mind." "Yeah. If you were anybody else, I wouldn't care. Let's lie back on the mats here." And we did. He'd stopped stroking. The sirens had ended at some point. "What's wrong, Randy?" "A lot. I need to tell you some stuff, but you can't say a word to anybody, OK?" "What's wrong?" I somehow knew what was coming. "I fuck around all the time...with men and women. I can't help it. I'm always horny and everything feels good. I usually do it all in Wichita. I pick up hookers or go to the park. A year ago, I had this weird sore around the head of my dick. I had a really bad sore throat too, but I didn't think the two were related. I went to a free health clinic in Sedgwick because I thought maybe I'd picked up something from somebody. The doc said I for sure had herpes..and crabs. He could see them. He asked my sexual history and I just told him it was long. No details. He insisted I get an AIDS test. I was sure I didn't have it because I had only fucked about three guys in the ass. Maybe four. Plus we're in the middle of nowhere...no AIDS around here that I ever saw." "And?" "What? You think there's a happy ending? I got it. I got the virus. You can't tell this to anyone." My boner softened. An AIDS dick had just been in my mouth. If only there was a new bottle of Listerine nearby... "I won't say anything." "Thanks, man. Let's just rest here a little as our clothes dry. You comfortable?" "I'm a little cold." "Me too. A little." He wrapped a hairy arm around me. That felt good. His skin was warm and we snuggled a little. "Are you scared?" "Sometimes. I'm not now, though. Warming up a little?" "Yeah. You have a nice body." My dick was rising a little. Maybe he saw that. "So do you. Here...I'll get you warm." He climbed on top of me and gave me a huge bear hug. I could feel that his own erection had grown too. "You can fuck me, Randy. I want that." My voice sounded small. "Naw. You're just horny right now." He said that but was forcing my legs apart as he put his weight down heavier. We were different sizes, but we seemed to fit together perfectly...like two puzzle pieces. "OK. Let's just do it for a little while. You can stop when you feel like you're going to come." "You don't know me well. I can't stop." He pushed down a little harder and breathed a little quicker. "I know all I need to know, Randy." A weird thing for me to say since I was clueless about everything.. "OK. We'll try, but you're going to hurt. I almost always use Vaseline." He spread my legs wide and prodded my butt hole with that sick dick of his. I tried to relax and just look into his eyes. I wanted this. Red hot rockets exploded down there. So much pain! I yelled. "It's okay. That was just the head..the widest part. The worst is over. I'm in. Damn! You're tight! I'll try to go slow." 'Try' being the key word here. He didn't let up for a second. I wanted to enjoy this -- it was supposed to be pleasurable, right? I looked up at him and saw his eyes closed tight. Then a wave of bliss went through me. Ahhh. I thought of Rhonda Kemper -- the girl from my old high school who got pregnant when she was 16. I understood now. It's amazing all women weren't knock-upped all the time. Dicks feel good inside of you! "Shit! I think it's too...YEAH! I'm cumming NOW! Shit!" He stayed inside of me and rested his head on mine. We both leaked and sighed. It was done. "There's a bathroom through that door. It's clean." I wiped up and saw my reflection in the mirror above the sink. Did I look different now? Older? Maybe. "Our shifts end pretty soon. Want me to walk you back to Kwik Kountry?" "No. Hopefully the boss isn't already there." "See you tonight?" "You bet." The power was off everywhere. I found my car and just drove home. Randy and I met up nearly every night over the next 19 days. We never fucked again, but I sucked him off often. We went to the little back room at Kwik Kountry where the time clock and stacks of paper sacks were kept. I never knew quite how to feel when he sometimes looked at a porn mag while I blew him. I just know I'd grown so addicted to the taste of his cum. Sometimes we kissed and sometimes we didn't. He always hugged me though, and tight before I left he made me promise to call and write him. We exchanged information and that was it. He seldom wrote me and never called. I guess he had a lot to figure out about his sexuality and his life. I tested HIV+ several months later (but still haven't had any symptoms, thirty years later). And then Randy vanished. His number didn't exist anymore and his letters were returned. Did he die? Move? I don't know, but I DO know I was lucky to have memories of him. Randy? Are you reading this now? Find me please
  10. (about five years ago) At the time, I thought I was at the end of my rope. I had just been laid-off from my job and was trying to keep my head above water. I could live off the severance pay for the rest of the year, but losing that job pretty much ended my social life. All of my friends were either still there or had been let go too. I'd get emails or texts from them on a very irregular basis. But I wasn't alone...I had Bongo. Bongo was my German Shepherd and best friend. He was pleased as hell to have me home all the time. We took long walks in my little neighborhood and played fetch for hours. He was as anti-social as I was. He got angry at strangers and wanted to taste their blood. There were a few humans he seemed okay with...my mom, the bible-thumping dude who fixed my sliding glass door and one of the guys at the vet's office. Bongo went through a stage where he refused to eat, and I was taking him to the animal clinic. I usually had to put a muzzle on him so he wouldn't kill the doctor. Embarrassing. However, there was one assistant he seemed to instantly like. He was called a "technician", but really he just did the grunt work there. Mopping up pee. trimming nails and feeding the animal patients. But Joey seemed to be happy with the job. We were both around the same age (late 20's). He was a tall, gangly red-head who still had some freckles dotting his cheeks and nose. Joey knew how to handle Bongo, knew the tone of voice that would calm him down. "Hello, Bongo. Why don't you want to eat? Upset stomach? I get that sometimes. Let's go get you better." The vet had to do some emergency dental surgery on a poodle and couldn't see us that day. It was almost closing time and Joey arranged for Bongo to spend the night there so that the doctor could check him first thing in the morning. "No extra charge. I'll look after him and call you with any updates. He'll be fine, Ross. Bongo is a good boy and we get along." I took the sad drive back home. If you've ever known a German Shepherd you know they are a big presence at all times....with their size and energy. The house seemed so empty and quiet without Bongo. What would I even do tonight? Watch cable news? Read? I just sat on the couch with glass after glass of wine. And worried. I had a small panic building in my chest. Around 9 M, the phone rang. "Hello?" "Ross? Hi, it's Joey. Just wanted to let you know that I took Bongo out for a walk just now and he has the runs. I think he has a stomach bug which is so fixable. I gave him a giant bowl of water and a treat. I think he's going to be just fine." "That's great. Are you there 24 hours a day?" "No. It just seems that way now because we're short of help. The guy who comes twice a night to walk and check on the patients and borders quit. I live nearby and am always willing to get overtime." "That makes me feel so much better. Bongo likes you...and he hardly likes anyone." "Want to come visit him now? I know he'd love to see you." "Now? At night?" "Why not? Plus I could use the company. But only if you can. I'll watch for you and unlock the front door." "Great. See you soon." For whatever reason, I was nervous. I cleaned myself up a little and got dressed. At the last second, I grabbed a t-shirt out of the hamper. Bongo had a great sense of smell and would probably miss my articular odor. Once I got there, I saw the lights were all on. And Joey was standing there, waiting. He wasn't wearing those scrubs the 'technicians' usually wear...he was just in old jeans and a baseball shirt. There were holes in the jeans and I could see one of his exposed knees. Wonder if there were freckles on it? He let me in and took me right back to the kennel area. How did he do this? There were so many hurting dogs who obviously missed their homes. Sad eyes. Bongo saw me before I saw him...and barked joyfully. He looked like he was feeling better. His eyes were happy and bright...so much different than his little neighbors. "How do you do it, Joey? How can be around so much sadness?" "Because I'm good at helping them. And that makes me feel good. I'm glad the other guy quit. He could give a shit. I actually care." "Makes sense. Do you guys still need help?" "Badly. Why? You want the job? I mean, I know you're unemployed, but this can be hard work -- for not much pay." "How do you know I'm unemployed?" He looked down and admitted that one of the ladies at the desk had told him. He must have asked about me. "You'd be excellent at this job. Maybe as good as me. You have the right vibe, and I see you brought an old t-shirt for Bongo." "Yeah. It's not clean. He sleeps next to me every night and maybe misses my funk." "Go ahead and give it to him. I'll unlock the cage." As soon as the door opened, Bongo bolted out and came to me. I hated thinking he thought I was taking him home now. This was probably a bad idea. "Why don't you walk him, while I walk the pug twins. Let's go." It was a nice night in late June. The clinic was in an upscale strip mall and very well-lit. There was a mini-park next to the hair salon, and we let the dogs sniff it out and do their stuff. "If you really want the job, you've got it. Dr. Church likes me and will listen to my opinion. He's like us...he can get inside an animal's brain. I wanted to be an animal doctor when I was in school, but didn't have good enough grades. Kills me. But I have a decent life for the most part. What about you? What are you going to do next?" "No idea. Bongo and I haven't figured out our next move." "Well, you'll be working here for a little while." "I'd like that. There's nothing on TV I want to see anyway." "And you're gay too, right?" Huh? "What? How much did the desk lady tell you?" "Liz has a gay son, and probably just knew. She's not a gossip or anything....I just asked her a lot about you." "Why?" "You don't know? I'm gay too. I've been interested in you and Bongo for nearly a year. What do you think about that?" Um. "Well. I'm flattered I guess. I know almost nothing about you." "You know my name, the fact that I'm gay, a bad student and love animals. What else?" "You have a boyfriend?" "No. I have had a lot of sex with men and a lot of fun, but I'm too odd-looking for a serious relationship." The dogs seemed to be done so we headed back. "You are NOT odd looking, Joey. I think you're handsome." "No. You just see the inside of me. My outside is just red hair and scarecrow body and freckles." "No more putting yourself down in my presence. I don't like it. It's too much the way I think of myself." "You? You're a catch, Ross." I had no more words. Did I like this guy?I did. What do I do next? What do I say?" Once Bongo was inside his cage, Joey handed him my t-shirt. He loved it and immediately made a little pillow with it. I guess this was the end of the night. It was almost 10:30 PM. "He's going to be just fine. I know it. He had a tummy ache and it's better now. You leaving?" "Well...yeah. He's in good hands with you." "But I have go to come back in four hours to do the final walk. Can you give me a ride home? We can hang out or something." Sure. I felt my pulse quicken. "Sounds good. Where do you live?" "Pepper Tree Apartments. It's only a few blocks away. I can just walk if you need to go home. You probably do...I bet you've got a cat." "No. No cats yet. I like them, but I don't think Bongo does." He laughed and got in my car. I purposely didn't turn on the radio so he would talk more. I had a feeling I was in the middle of being seduced. Maybe. "Nice car. Do you date much?" "No. I was never sure how to do it or what to say or where to go." "You're kidding, right? I've had so many one night stands, it's ridiculous. I guess I'm like a tom cat that hasn't been neutered. So I guess you never went to 'Soaks'." "What's that?" "It's the bath house downtown. I spent a good five years going there. Keep your eyes on the road while I tell you something. I have AIDS. Well, not technically. It's still just HIV. Not sure how I got it. I only like fucking - not getting fucked. Doc wants me to start drug therapy, but the animals are the only therapy I need right now. OK. Just park here on the street...the lot is always full this time of night." We got out. The crickets were singing. "You should start taking the medication, Joey. It's basically a cure now." "Basically. Right. I'll take the meds eventually. Why are you so concerned? You don't even know my last name." "It's "Moffet". You think I haven't asked Liz about you too?" He reached down and took my hand. His fingers were so long...like a spider or something. It felt right. "She's okay....just likes to talk. Her husband is a drunk. I bet her life sucks." "Joey -- I like holding your hand." "Feels natural to me." "Completely." "I'm right here on the first level. Hopefully the guys upstairs are already passed out. They party a LOT." His place was simple and clean. Lots of framed prints on the wall. Monet. I took art history in college and liked the Impressionists most of all. Joey took off his sneakers. No socks. There were little red tufts of hair on top of his toes. "I like your place. It's nice." "No, not really. I'm not into 'stuff'. Want some wine? It's boxed, but still pretty good. Called "blush" or something like that." "If you have some, I will." He brought back two way-too-full glasses of pink wine. It wasn't bad at all. "Ross?" "Yeah?" "If I kiss you right now, will you like it?" "Probably, but there's only one way to know for sure." He leaned over and kissed me with his mouth open wide. It was like we were one right then. I tasted him and took his air into my lungs. So this is why everybody liked to kiss...you got to be part of someone with just a simple act. Nobody ever told me. My dick grew five sizes. He stopped and looked at me with his green eyes. "I think you liked that." "Ding,ding, ding...that is correct." I couldn't help but smile broadly. "Wanna get naked? And go to my bed?" "Yeah. I'm wanting that, Joey." He took my hand again and led me into his little chamber. It was as simple and clean as the rest of his apartment. We both undressed and just stood there at the foot of his bed, hugging and groping. I noticed his dick was very fat and long. It kept prodding me in the stomach. Making me weak in the knees. "Lay down." I did. His mattress wasn't so good, but I gave not a damn. He climbed into bed next to me and panted like he'd run a mile. "Wanna touch my cock, Ross? Just to see if you like it?" I didn't just touch it...I kissed the flaring red head of his big cock. It tasted like him. "Oh shit! Yeah! Suck it...just for a little while. Please?" I had no idea what I was doing. Suck on it like it was a baby bottle? I could do that. His dick was just so large and imposing. I had to make an effort. I did as best I could. I could tell he was leaking a little because my tongue was tasting new things. I seldom produced pre-cum. "You know what I have in my balls and in my blood, Ross. We can stop now or...." "Or..?" "You can follow my lead. I can be a little bossy in bed, but I'm giving you an 'out'." "Take the lead, Joey. But can we have a little bit of light. I want to see everything." He stretched out a long arm and switched on a little bedside lamp. Not a lot of brightness, but I could see the red hair under his arms and the freckles on his shoulders. The pubes around his fat prick were curly and red like a clown wig. "Okay, buddy. I'm in charge now. Let's make this count. Ever lick an asshole before? you're going to now." He sat on my face. I tasted the fur first and then the other things -- none of which were unpleasant. Weirdly, he tasted and smelled a little bit like the vet's office. I kind of loved doing this, but I wasn't getting any oxygen. I just kept licking and kissing his hole while he moaned. I could always breathe later. He lifted off of me and I gulped the free air. "Damn, Ross. I'm leaking all over the place. We might not even need lube! Ready to be fucked? Fucked with a sick,deadly cock?" "Oh God yes." "That wasn't really a question." He spread my legs far apart and got in position to do the deed. Right as he was poking around down there, loud music came from the ceiling. The bass practically shook the walls. "I guess your neighbors are home." "Good timing. Nobody will hear you scream when I do THIS!" He thrust that big dick halfway into me and I definitely screamed. Nobody heard me yell 'stop' and 'no'. Joey was grinning like the devil. He was really enjoying this and that made me want to please him more. I was doing this. I was getting my virgin body pozzed. He kept going deeper. The guys in porn movies (I'd seen a few hundred) always shut their eyes tight and looked like they were in agony as they got close to orgasm, but Joey had his eyes wide open and was grinning so broadly. "Yeah! Come in me! I want it!" "Here it is. Ahhhhh! Yes! I needed that." He left his dick inside of me for a minute, looking into my face the whole time. Still smiling. "Thanks, Joey. I loved it." "Sshh. You're bleeding a bit. Let me get a paper towel and clean you up. We can nap for a few hours and then go check on our boy." 'Our'? From that point on, we were connected. It was like a wedding or something because he was a permanent part of my life after that moment. We dated and worked together and he finally moved himself in to my house. Bongo was thrilled...sleeping between two people he liked, loved. I of course tested HIV+ eventually. I could worry about that later. He's outside walking Bongo right now.
  11. Ghost Town

    I'm not sure what I left out. It didn't end with a resolution or a romance. I was afraid I was writing too much romance and not enough sex. I hope you like the next one....it's almost done.
  12. (early to mid 90's) My name is Banner. My dad was a comic book fan and named me after Bruce Banner - who was The Hulk's other identity. So I'm getting that out of the way now because I've had to explain my name a billion times. I guess Dad was more fun when I was born, but now he is all business and seems to think of nothing but money. He's working himself into an early heart attack. The other part of this story is my grandfather. He was a wealthy man who died when I was in first grade. He left me a trust fund that wouldn't kick in until I was 25. Dad was the custodian of the money and he held that over my head forever. It was conditional. He threatened to withhold every penny unless I graduated college and made something of myself. I also had to keep out of trouble. He didn't have to worry, really. I was a boring kid...AM a boring adult. The only exotic thing about me was my sexuality. I was gay. I kept it a secret. Sometime after I got my high school diploma, my dad had the idea to invest my funds. The housing market was going crazy and he decided he'd build me a house in Kansas City, MO. All I had to do was get a job there AND get married. He explained that it would be a big house and he didn't want me living alone near a big urban area. I just went along with it. I really didn't even care about the money. I was just waiting to not be boring. Why couldn't I rebel like my friend Mitch did? He smoked pot and got drunk and yelled at his parents. It seemed like a lot of wasted effort. I just went to the state college with two things in mind: 1. Make good grades so I could get a good job. 2. Meet a girl who didn't want sex. Well, all the college girls wanted sex. So did the college guys. I guess this would be a bust. I kept my head down and studied. I majored in advertising even though I just wanted to be a writer. I wrote stories and essays on a nifty little word processor. I had a knack for writing horror stories. I wrote fan letters to my favorite authors and a few answered back. Stephen King and Clive Barker both sent me nice little notes in their own handwriting. Wow. I never told anyone about my hobby. I didn't get less boring in college...in fact I sunk deeper into dullness. I try not to think about all the fun I could have had if I'd just lightened up a little. Whatever. By the time I was finishing my last year of education, my dad announced he'd already initiated construction of my future house. It was a fateful phone call. "It'll be great, Banner. It's in a growing suburb of Kansas City...on the Kansas side. It'll have three bedrooms, but don't feel in a hurry to have kids. Just get married and see how it goes from there." "I'm not sure I'll ever get married, Dad." "Oh you say that now. As soon as you get your nose out of the books and look around, you'll find all kinds of nice girls." Enough was enough. "I'm gay, Dad. I don't want to get married and I don't want any kids. Sell the house and keep the money for you and Mom. I don't care." He was silent for a minute. "You're young and don't know what you want. I can't talk about this now. Discuss it with your mother." Mom and I talked for almost an hour. She was very understanding. "I guess I always knew," she said. "I had to say something. Dad wasn't hearing me. I guess it means I'm not rich anymore." "He'll come around. Let me talk to him. After all, it's MY father's money and he wanted you to have it." "I don't care about the money. I never have. My graduation is May 20th. You don't have to come." "I'll be there." "But it's a long drive and I doubt there's any hotel rooms left that weekend." "No. You're my only child and you're graduating college. I'll sleep in the car if I have to." And then I had finals to get through. I was prepared. I'd already talked to some recruiters from ad agencies in Kansas City and Chicago. One of the guys who interviewed me was all excited about "The Internet". He wanted to get a jump on it because "The Web" was going to be big. I mentioned the stories I wrote on a computer and he was very interested. We talked about nothing but horror novels after that. He gave me his card and made me promise to call him. Kansas City. I think I'd been there once as a kid. Some amusement park maybe. I had vague memories of a roller coaster and some really good donuts. Both of my parents came to my graduation. It was supposed to be major, but the school was so big that we all just sat in the football stadium as the dean said a few words. It was over as soon as it began. I said my good-byes to a few friends and a few professors I'd always liked. Back at my apartment, Mom and Dad were waiting. Mom had a beer in her hand -- which I'd never seen in my life. Mom? Dad was silent and wouldn't look me in the eye. "Are you going to invite us in or what?" The first words he'd said to me since that call. Once inside, my dad looked around and sniffed the air. He was making sure I was keeping the place clean and not smoking. "This is not so bad. You keep it neat," Mom observed "Yeah. My lease is up in August. I think I have a shot at a job in Kansas City." Then my dad was interested. "How good a shot?" "I met the recruiter and he seemed to really want me." "Good. Well, your house is almost done. You can live there if you want. It's about 40 minutes from downtown. Just promise me you'll get a big dog for protection. The backyard will fenced in by August." Mom finished her beer and asked me if I wanted one. I guess they had a cooler in the car. I'd never ever seen my mother drink. Dad said he needed to gas up the car because they were driving back tonight. So my mom and I sat and had a beer. "I didn't even know you drank, Mom." "This is a special occasion, Banner. I've seen the house. It's nice. You'll like it." "Dad hates me." "No. He just wanted so much for you. He doesn't realize yet that you'll be fine." Fast forward to August 19th. I'd been in phone contact with the ad agency interested in me. It was almost a done deal. I moved into the house. It was big and empty. My meager possessions barely filled one room. The "suburb" was very unfinished. New houses were being constructed and streets were still being paved. I was practically on an island there. My first official interview wasn't for another week. I had electricity and a phone, but no cable. I'd write stories and then go for long walks around the area. Not all the streetlights were up yet. It got dark at the border, and you could really see the stars. I thought about stuff. I'd been lucky enough to have a life, but hadn't really lived one yet. Maybe that could change somehow. It was a hot Summer, but I still walked around when I couldn't write anymore. During the day, I saw a lot of construction workers out building the houses of my future neighbors. Most of them were well-built and Latino. I'd always tried to suppress my gay thoughts, but, what the hell? I looked. Some of them had their shirts off as they worked. Maybe I was just interested in the houses. There's no law against looking at construction, right? Maybe I should get a dog...it'd be something to do while I wandered aimlessly through this new ghost town. I had no idea where the pound was. I only knew a few fast food places near the freeway. "Hey!" a voice called. I had no clue which worker had shouted. A tall, shirtless black guy approached me with his hard hat on. "You lost or somethin'?" "Not exactly. I just moved in down the block." "505? That your blue car in the driveway?" "Yeah." "OK. Sorry. There's guys around who like to steal building supplies and equipment." I could smell the August heat on his skin. "No, I'm a writer with nothing to do for a few days. Thought I'd get some sun and explore the neighborhood." "A writer? Like books? Wait. Stay here. I gotta go get Luiz." He walked away and I stood there, realizing I'd just spoken my first words in two days. It's funny how odd your own voice can sound after a long period of silence. The guy came back with a big, bulky Mexican guy -- also shirtless and in a hard hat. Neither of them were much older than I was. "Who's this?," the handsome Latin man asked. "He's the new owner of 505. You know..." Luiz looked a little uncomfortable. "Oh. Yeah...I guess I knew this was coming. That's the place where me and Andre take our breaks. It has power, AC and a working fridge to keep our beer in. You didn't notice the almost full case of Natty Lite in there?" "No. I haven't even opened it yet." "So I guess you don't have a wife or nothin'?" "Nope. It's just me. When's your next break?" Andre stared at the ground while Luiz held my gaze. "In about an hour. Want us to come pick up the beer?" "If you want. Or you guys can come take your break like usual. I don't mind company.Want me to leave the door open?" Andre finally spoke again. "Nah. The locks around here are so easy to pick...make sure you get them all replaced." "Will do. I guess I'll see you guys in a little while." "Great. What's your name?" "Banner Lee." He didn't laugh or ask for an explanation or anything. They went back to the site and I headed home. It occurred to me to maybe go get some sandwiches or something, but I didn't feel like trying to go find any. What if I got lost and wasn't there when they came by? I just stayed put and waited around. Clocks. I needed clocks. There was so much I needed. This huge house started to seem ridiculous. I sure hoped I got that job...the utilities alone must be enormous. I looked in the refrigerator, and sure enough, there was a box of "Natural Light". I felt entitled to take one. It didn't taste good to me, but I drank it. Should I put on some music? No. These were hard-working men coming over for a break...not party guests. I took one more beer. Maybe it's because I've never had a drink, but I felt a little light-headed. a knock on the door "We're a little early. The concrete guy never showed. We're done for the day. Still want some company?" "Absolutely. Have a seat." He and Andre settled on my couch as I went to get us some beers. I came back and saw Andre taking off his work boots. Luiz stopped him. "Cabrone! This is someone's house now! Don't do that." "It's okay. I don't mind." "Sorry about him. We usually take our shoes off on breaks. These boots get so hot." Andre took his boots and socks off and stretched his bare feet on the carpet. "Thanks, man. Luiz would do it too, but I think he's embarrassed of his hooves. They are pretty damn ugly." "Shut the fuck up, man. Behave yourself." "It's fine. Go ahead and take them off, Luiz." "Maybe later." There was a spark in his eyes. "Mmm-hmmm. Go ahead and ask him, Luiz." "Ask me what?" "It's nothing. We were just curious why an unmarried kid with no kids is living in a big new house by himself. Andre thinks you won the lottery." "No. It's an investment of my dad's. I'm just living here while I try to get a job. If I won the lottery, we'd be watching a 90 inch flat-screen right now." "But you ain't got a soon-to-be bride or anything?" Andre seemed way too curious for some reason. "No. I'm gay." Did I really just say that out loud? I guess my days of hiding were over. The two of them exchanged quick looks. "Yeah. I kinda guessed that when I saw you watching us work. Don't worry. I'm cool with both of you." "Both?" "Shut up, Andre! Ignore this asshole, Banner. Who needs another?" Luiz got up to fetch some more brews. Andre was looking at me hard. Watching. Waiting. "So..." I had no idea how to navigate this conversation now. Luiz came back and re-beered us. "Well. We gonna get busy with him or what?" Andre seemed impatient. "You're so fucking crude!" "Yeah, whatever. I just came to get my fucking dick sucked. You two can do whatever you want after I leave," "I'm sorry, Banner. He gets horny after work and...well.. I Oddly, I was kneeling on the new carpet as he said that...like I was ready. I wanted Luiz to fix this and make it right. Instead, he just kicked back and nodded. What? I'd never sucked a dick before. How? Now? Andre took off his jeans and aimed his big black dick towards my face. It was way bigger than my own. And so hard. My own penis got erect too, but felt like flesh still. Andre's cock was just so solid and rigid. He just wanted to be sucked. And I tried. He was just too eager and kept thrusting in my mouth. I knew what he needed..and tried my best. I was excited and eager for this. "Shit! He's a natural, Luiz. How is it that guys are so much better at cocksucking than ladies?" I couldn't see Luiz with all the black pubes in my eyes, but I knew he was watching. Andre and I found a good pace where he was happy and I wasn't gagging. It was just and and out and it felt so right to me. I might have known he was about to cum if I'd done this before. He just pistoned his hips faster and a little deeper. "Fuck! I'm cumming. Swallow it, kid!" And then his dick expanded ever so slightly and hot sperm filled my mouth. I swallowed it down. He still had a tiny white drip at the ti of his dick as he pulled away and got dressed quickly. He drained his beer. "Damn. Now I'm not gonna have no load to give the ladies. Guess I'll stay in tonight and play video games. Later." Andre left and I was still stupidly kneeling on my floor, feeling stunned. Luiz didn't seem the least bit phased about what had just happened. He was casually finishing his beer. "Did you like that, Banner?" "I..I did. That was the first time for me. I'm a little confused I guess." "It's okay. I remember the first time I sucked a dick. Go rinse your mouth out and grab another beer. The taste of cum goes away." I chugged some water and then spit it out. The beer helped. "Come sit with me." I went back and joined Luiz on the couch. "So you've given blow jobs before?" "Yeah...since I was 16. One of my cousins. I like getting them more than giving them." "So, you're gay?" "Oh yeah. I thought you knew. I knew you were the minute I saw you because you're too cute." "I'm not cute...and I can't tell anything about people just from looking at them. But if Andre likes to be sucked, why doesn't he let you do it?" "I'm dirty. I'm infected. You know what I'm talking about, right?" I did. This was a crazy day. "You and Andre are the only people on this planet who know. And my doctor. He keeps telling me there are better drugs coming, but I'm not counting on it. Hurry and finish you beer and I'll go get us two more." So much to think about. I was somewhat dizzy. Luiz sat down next to me and flexed his toes a little, "So what did you like about sucking dick?" Pause. "It felt right. Like something I was going to do eventually -- if that makes sense." "Totally." "I liked knowing how much HE liked it. I also liked when he put his fingers in my hair. I sound stupid." "No. Not at all. You probably needed some touch. Like this." He put his big brown hand on to of my head and started petting me like a dog. "I'll suck your dick too." His face brightened a little. "No. No. You are young, healthy and have your life ahead of you. I'm not giving you this burden." "Maybe we can just try it just a little." "Bad idea. I can't stop once I get started, But...we can do other things." "OK." I knew this was like playing with fire. "You can jack me off a little. How about that?" "Let's do it." He took off his shirt and jeans. A wave of clean sweat smell washed over me. So nice. His nice, uncut cock was already hard. As was mine. I got undressed too, aware of how puny my frame was next to his broad, solid body. "Nice, Banner. You are so white, though. Swedish?" "Irish mostly." "Touch my dick, man. Just don't get any ideas about sucking it." I knelt between his legs and started stroking the thick shaft. Turns out I was good at this too. He kept pulling me closer between his knees. He was breathing fast and rolled his head back. I guess it was only natural that I would have to kiss the tip of his dick. "No. Well...just kiss it. No sucking." I had other ideas. I needed to suck this meat. And I did. I moved up and down it like a hungry slut (which I probably was). I thought he'd protest a little, but he just kept guiding my head down. He was bucking and moaning. I didn't actually care about his HIV at the moment...if he wanted to come, I'd sure as fuck let him. Then he pushed me away. "I can't come in your mouth. You don't want that." "What if I do, Luiz?" "Then you're stupid." There was already clear fluid leaking out of his pee hole. "Probably I am, but I still want your semen inside of me." He sighed, but kept stroking his penis. "I want that too. I warned you already that I couldn't stop once I started. If you really want to go the distance, we will. Get on all fours like a dog. Show me your skinny, white ass." I did as I was told, and he got down on the floor with me. I knew he was going to insert his fat organ inside of my butt. I also knew it would hurt. He spit on his dick and just shoved it in. I thought I might scream, but it just came out as "NNNGGG" "No going back from here. Nobody's around to hear if you cry for help. Try to relax and open a little for me. I need to get in there, but your ass is fighting me." I didn't know how to do what he was requesting, but I tried to at least relax my mind. He was almost all the way in me and I was sure there was no farther he could go. Then he pulled out a little and plunged right back in. Damn! Is this what women felt like when their cherry was popped? Is it what my mom felt when my stupid dad mounted her? He started speaking in Spanish and moving faster. I could feel his heartbeat inside my body. "Here you go! You're getting my cum!" He held my hips hard and bred me like a bull in heat. Then he was done. I had already had an orgasm at some point. And it was over. We showered together and took a nap in my bed. I was no longer an amateur and no longer hiding.
  13. (a few years ago) I don't know what it is about my personality or my 'aura', but I've always attracted friends who had fucked up childhoods and/or substance abuse issues. It started in high school when two of my closest friends had a parent that committed suicide. College brought new friends who were molested as kids, were speed freaks or had been in jail. There's nothing tragic about me...I had a normal family and a normal life...except that I was gay. I buried it pretty deep inside, and tried not to even think about it. I considered myself to be pretty boring. I never did anything exciting, and maybe that's tragic in and of itself. I moved to a new city for a job that was something I really wanted to do, but it didn't pay all that great. I moved into an apartment complex that was in a somewhat 'iffy' part of town. It was two levels built into a box shape with a courtyard in the middle. It was cheap and not dirty. That's all I wanted. Wouldn't you know that I met a new misfit the day I moved in. He had the unit right next to mine, and introduced himself immediately. Andy. He looked fairly normal, but there was a touch of insanity in his eyes. I would have guessed he was in the military, judging by his solid build and extremely short haircut. He was around 6'3" and clean-shaven. Cute and around my age. I didn't have a "type", but I did think he'd be the kind of man I'd be interested in. He helped me move my stuff in. And I somehow knew he was crazy. "Just a word of warning: This side gets pretty bright sun in the morning. Keep your blinds closed if you want to sleep late." "Oh, okay. I usually get up early though." "Yeah. Me too. I do maintenance here. It's not great money, but I don't have to pay rent. If you ever lock yourself out or your toilet clogs, don't go to the manager -- just come by or call me. Got your phone on you? I'll give you my number." So I guess he wasn't in the military then. I settled in and arranged what little furniture I had. It wasn't even 24 hours later that my refrigerator stopped running. Ugh. At least there were only some diet Cokes in there. I called Andy and he came over in twenty minutes. He was in shorts and sandals ---- not what I'd think a maintenance worker would wear on the job. "Well, it must be minor because most of the fridges around here are new. It might be your outlet. Give me a few minutes to look." He moved the fridge out from the wall and went looking in the back. I never knew what to do while a repairman was in your home. Do you stand there or leave them alone to do their job? I decided to go watch TV. "Shout if you need anything." As soon as I said that, he said "Done. It's fixed." "You're kidding." "Nope. The plug had just slipped out of the wall socket. It happens sometimes if the power's been off for awhile and suddenly starts back up." I felt stupid. I should have checked that on my own. "Well, sorry for making you come over for an unplugged refrigerator." "No problem, my friend. You got me away from painting and I needed a break. Mind if I hang out here for a little?" "Not at all? Want a Coke?" "Got any beer?" I didn't, so he invited me over to his place next door. He didn't have much more furniture than I did, but it was nice. Great TV and stereo. I sat on the couch and he brought me a beer. I normally never drink at all, but it seemed like there was no way I could say 'no'. "Your TV is huge, Andy. Is it HD?" "Of course. Why? Did you want to watch something? I thought we could just talk." "Oh yeah. Sure." I swallowed more beer. It was way better than the last time I tried it in school. He settled down next to me and kicked off his sandals. "So you're gay, right?" What? I'd only met him twice and had fewer than ten sentences to him. How did he know? "Well...." "Sorry. That was rude. I just kind of see things, you know?" "Like what?" "The very first time I saw you, you were bursting with secrets. You've got those eyes that say there's more there." "Okay. And, yeah. I'm gay. I've just never told anyone." "I understand. I'm gay too. I also have HIV...ever since I was sixteen." "You look healthy to me." "I'm on some good meds now. AIDS is practically curable at this point." "Oh. Good. Are there side effects?" "Some. Nothing like there used to be with the old drugs. I'm a slut. Never had a boyfriend -- just hook-ups. There's, like, five gay bars and a bath house within ten blocks of us. I'll show you around. We can go tonight if you want. It's Saturday." "Ummm...I don't think..." "You've never done anything with a guy, have you?" "No. Not ever." I didn't look at him as I talked. "I guess I always thought it would go away. I come from a very conservative area." "Ugh. That term 'conservative'. It just means 'we all agree to hate the same people'." "You're exactly right. Wow." "It's no problem, dude. Probably too early to just bring you to the gay scene on a weekend. How about if I just introduce you to a few friends of mine --- ease you into this." "Sure. Thanks." "Cool. Well, I gotta get back to painting door frames. Call me anytime." He put his flip-flops on and showed me out. I spent the next few hours alone in my apartment, thinking. This gayness wouldn't go away. It was who I was and I needed to stop hating it. "I give up! You win!"I said to an empty living room. And I quit fighting. Andy called at 10 the next morning. "Let's go get breakfast. I know you don't have any food over there. I know a good lace and my friend Zach will be there." "Sure. Give me ten minutes. and I'll come over." Panic. How do you dress for breakfast with two gay guys? I wore some of nicest 'casual' clothes and even put on a little cologne at the last second. Then I went next door. "Good morning! Wow. You look nice...I could eat you up with a spoon. And you smell good too. Mmm." He nuzzled my neck and smelled. He was wearing more or less what he was wearing yesterday. His pickup was one of those tall ones that you had to climb in. "So how do you know Zach?" "He's one of my friends. He's HIV+ as well, but you don't know that yet. Sometimes he talks about it nonstop and sometimes he doesn't. He's always changing moods. He might be dressed better than you or worse than me." "I'll be cool." The funky little diner was full of the brunch crowd. Andy looked around and spotted his buddy. Zach was probably in his late 30's and had thinning blonde hair. He had a friendly face as he stood and greeted us. "Who's this, Andy?" "My new neighbor. Tommy. He just moved to town and I'm showing him around." "Well, he has to come to the beer bust with us. Hello, young man. Sit, sit." I shook his hand and felt him mentally read me. Andy and I sat across from him and I just studied the menu. "Probably not going to the beer bust, Zach. Tommy has never been out....anywhere. I don't think unlimited beer in a room full of horny dudes is the right environment to bring him to." I was intrigued. "No. It's fine. I'll go. When does it start?" Andy pushed his knee into mine as some sort of silent signal. "Oh, honey. It's already started. It goes on all day. Our whole group is already there. Eat a big meal to prepare your stomach for this." I suddenly realized I hadn't eaten a decent meal in two days. Just snacks and diet Coke. The food wasn't great, but it was filling. Andy aid the bill and told Zach that we'd be there in an hour. Out in the hot noon air, I suddenly felt so full and so sleepy. "Thanks for breakfast, Andy. Next time it's on me." "We don't have to go to this. We can just watch TV and snooze a little. When do you start your new job?" "Not until Thursday. I just need some coffee or a Red Bull first." "Okay. As you wish. I got something better than coffee, though. Take this." He gave me a tiny pill and I swallowed it without thinking too much. I trusted this guy. By the time we got back to the apartment complex, I was feeling nervous and maybe a little hyper. "I just need to pee and then we can go." I felt like my hair was trying to crawl off of my head. Weird. I went to my apartment and got ready while Andy waited outside. "Last warning. You don't have to do this." "Let's go." "Okay. It's ten dollars at the door and they give you a wristband. Then you can drink all the beer you can as long as you can. I'll stick close to you. My friends are cool. You're safe with us around you." We got to a huge bar called "South Paw". It didn't look much different on the outside than any other tavern I'd ever seen. This would be fine. Andy payed our way in and I wore the flimsy little band on my right wrist. The sights and sounds were so intense. I felt Andy grab my hand. His instinct for what I was feeling was starting to amaze me. He led me out a door in the back where there was a patio. "My little group of pals is mostly made up of smokers. You can only smoke on the patio. There they are." His group was composed of different sizes and ages of men, but they all had the same type of military haircut as Andy. Was this a thing now? Was it fashionable all the sudden? I wondered if they were secretly skinheads -- except one two of them were of mixed race. Andy introduced them all. Mark, Rick, Tony, etc. I was bad at remembering names even in the best of circumstances. "Hi. Nice to meet you." One of them grinned broadly. "Andy, is he a new member of our club?" "NO. This is Tom, and he's new to town. Be nice and don't scare him." "You can call me Tommy," I added. "Yeah. Tommy suits you better -- you look like a kid. Want a cigarette, Tommy?" Suddenly I did. I'd never liked the smell of smoke before, but it seemed like a good way to bond with the group. "Thanks." Andy kept me close as we sat down and joined the party. "Jesus, Andy...go get the kid a beer already." He obeyed because obviously this guy was "the leader" I guess. Once I was alone with this group, I decided to ask about the haircuts. I was just so curious. One guy who hadn't spoken yet answered with "It's part of being in the club. It's a rule we all follow...except for Zach." "I don't have much hair left, asshole. I already explained that I'm not shaving what little I have. Besides, I have tenure. I'm above 400,000 now." The others nodded and started trading numbers. 300k, 250k, etc. I figured out they were talking about HIV. They all had it. I thought that the new drugs lowered the viral amounts to almost zero. Guess I needed to read more. Andy came back and handed me a plastic cup of beer. "What have you been telling him?" "He asked about the haircuts." "Oh," Andy looked a tad bit worried. "It's our thing. Easy to recognize each other in a crowd." "I get it. Thanks for the beer. It's not very cold, though." "That's why it's so cheap, boy. Don't worry. You won't notice after we do some shots," Zach assured. "Shots? Like a shot of something, like drugs?" I felt stupid as they all laughed. "No. Whiskey. Mark is a diabetic and they him bring a bag in with his needles and shit. He always packs a fifth of JD in there. Shots here are four bucks a piece." The big, mixed-race guy pulled out his bottle and we all took discreet sips. Andy put his hand on my leg and whispered in my ear. "You can just pretend to drink it if you want." But I liked the foul, burning taste...it went well with the smoke I was inhaling. And I was relaxing a bit. I didn't even care that I was surrounded by poz guys... who seemed to take pride in their virus. Andy took medication so he couldn't be like that. Right? "Is there a cigarette machine here?" I wanted another one. "Yeah, but it's always out of order. Here." Zach handed me one and lit it for me. The light changed and it got later. Andy seemed to want me to leave with him and go someplace else, but I was happy here. We stayed and drank more beer and shots. By the time it was almost dusk, the place got crowded and the music got louder. I needed to pee. Andy escorted me to the restroom and stood by the door while I went. So many men! I hadn't even taken time to check them out. Wasn't this what it was about? They all looked fuck-able to me. Dicks and beards and tight jeans and big boots. When I finished, I walked out and got mashed by the crowd. Somebody grabbed my ass. I couldn't find Andy as I was moved out towards the dance floor. Where was the patio? I was lost. I got pushed up against the wall by Mark the diabetic smuggler. He towered over me and leaned in close. "You lost, Tommy?" "Sort of. I'm trying to find Andy." "Why? You think he's trying to find YOU??. You in love with him or something? Andy doesn't have boyfriends." "I know. But he's my ride home." "I'll give you a ride, little boy. Feel this." He rubbed his hard crotch against my stomach. "Touch it if you want. It's the biggest one here...big enough to make you a club member for life." As rude as this all was, I kind of wanted to touch him down there. I felt my own dick get hard. I reached toward the fly of his pants just as Andy appeared. "Back the fuck off, Mark. Tom and I are leaving now." He grabbed my hand and was leading me away. "How 'bout a little respect, dude. Remember I'm the only guy with the syringes." "Ignore him. Let's go." Once we were back out on the street, Andy seemed to be angry. With Mark? With me? "What's wrong?" "I should not have brought you here. You aren't ready and I thought my friends would be nicer. I need a smoke." "You?" "Yeah. I smoke, Tommy. I just didn't want to do it in front of you for some reason. I wanted you to think more of me." "Why? You saw me smoke." "You don't know what you're doing. This was too fast. Let's share a smoke and go home." We sat on the curb and shared a cig from the pack he'd had with him the whole time. I suddenly didn't want one anymore. We drove home in mostly silence when Andy finally asked, "What he do to you? What did he say?" "He rubbed his groin on me and said he could get me into your club. He also said not to fall in love with you because you don't have boyfriends. What's the deal with your club, Andy?"' "I'll fill you in later. That dumb fuck. I hate him, but he's sometimes a good guy. Sometimes." We got back to the apartment complex, and I wanted to invite Andy in, but he was still mad and distracted. I just went to bed with an upset stomach. I slept like a rock and didn't wake u until that morning sun snaked it's way around the blinds. My mouth tasted horrible. I was in the middle of my shower when Andy knocked at my door. I was still wet and wearing only a towel around my waist when I answered. "Oops. Sorry. I should have called first. I brought McDonald's breakfast since we never had dinner last night. Get dressed and I'll set everything up." I came back it in a t-shirt and shorts. Andy had already taken his flip-flops off and was setting paper plates of fast food breakfast on my little coffee table. I let him ick out something to watch since I didn't even know the channels in this area. We settled on some 70's movie about spies or something. "Thanks for this." "No problem. Mark called me last night. He wanted to apologize to both of us. It's all cool now." "Tell me about your club, Andy. Not later. NOW." He wiped his mouth, leaned back and closed his eyes. "This is too much information, buddy. But I guess I'll have to tell you eventually." "I'm not all that shock-able. I've heard everything." "Okay. Just...just don't avoid me after I tell you. I like you and we're neighbors. Promise? Promise you'll still like me?" "Yes." "Well...you probably already know we're all HIV+. And we all know each other from all the fucking we've done around town. We all started taking meds about the same time. And then we quit medicating." "What? Why?" "I don't know if I can explain it exactly. It all got too safe and too boring. We were all sitting around Zach's place one night and decided that, together, we could develop a mutant strain of HIV that couldn't be controlled by a drug company. It started as a fantasy. Then we got serious about it. It was exciting. We all flushed our pills at the same time. We fucked each other and others with no hesitation." "Wow, Andy. I don't want you to be sick." "I know you don't. But I haven't told you the worst. Mark let's us use his syringes to draw our blood and inject each other. He sometimes does it to strangers, but I swear to you that I haven't. And over the past year, we started competing. Everybody wants the highest viral count. Mine is now just a hair over 300,000. Zach's is the highest...he's almost full-blown. Mark is u there too. Tell me what you're thinking, Tommy." "I...uh...I want you to stop this. I like you and I want to be your boyfriend, but not if you're hell-bent on destroying yourself. There you go." "I've never seen your face without all the secrets hiding it. Can I kiss you?" We kissed and I felt electricity in every atom in my body. We made out on the couch and it almost felt like it would go further, but it didn't. Andy left with a big boner in his shorts and said he'd see me later. The next afternoon Mike came by. "Break time! Come out and have a smoke with me. It's so nice outside." We went and sat on the steps.He smoked, but I didn't. "What are you doing today, Andy?" "Trimming bushes. It's messy, but not that hard. Want to come down and keep me company?" Of course I did. He was cutting and trimming while I just sat om the grass and watched. I knew that I loved him. It was a fact. "Hey -- I thought maintenance guys always wore work boots. Why are you in sandals?" "They make those boots in my size...14, but they don't make 'em wide enough. I inherited my dad's wide, flat feet." "Oh. Sorry if I ask too many questions." "No. Ask anything." "Were you molested as a kid?" I already knew the answer. "Oh, yeah. Brothers, uncles, neighbor kids. I got taller and bigger and decided to do some molesting of my own. I was a bad seed. Why did you ask that?" "I've known a lot of people who went through bad shit. I had a collection of damaged friends." "They were drawn to you, Tommy. You're stable. Or maybe they saw those invisible walls you had been building and wanted to hide behind them too. With you." Yep. I loved him. "What are your goals?" "Seriously? You haven't started your job yet and already you're asking corporate questions. My goals are always changing. At the moment, I just want to be happy. What about you?" "I want to have a better life than I ever imagined. I don't mean being rich in a mansion. I just want to be satisfied." "Well put. 'Satisfied' is a good goal. I have to mow now. Can I drop by after I'm done?" "Sure. Watch your toes." He laughed and left me alone. I watched him walk toward the shed. He was beautiful. His butt and legs and strong back. I sat in my apartment and tried to memorize the TV channels. I ended up on one of the public access stations and watched one of those high school quiz shows. I was on a quiz bowl team back in the day, but was never on TV. I sat and was absorbed for a good hour when my Andy came by. "Done already?" "Yeah. There's not much grass here. What the hell are you watching? Game shows? Come over and have a beer with me. You're gonna be a working boy soon -- we need to party now." His apartment smelled like him and I felt my dick rise. He instantly took off his sandals and his t-shirt. "It's getting warmer out there now. I can turn on the AC if you want." "I'm fine, but turn it on if you need it." He handed me a cold can of beer and we settled on the couch. "Nah. I'm good now. How 'bout if I play some music. Ever heard of Matthew Sweet? He's a goddamn genius. There's a few songs I want you to hear." "Cool." He fiddled around with his stereo, and then the great music started. It was rock, but not harsh or heavy. This Matthew guy had a decent voice and sounded like his heart was breaking. I picked out a few lyrics... "Don't you need somebody to love?" "I want to be your boyfriend." It was just so dreamy. I forgot about his club and his disease. He put his arm around me, and I could smell his new sweat and cut grass. This time I kissed him first...and let my hands wander around his bare chest. His nipples were hard and sharp and perfect. I knew some things. I knew I wanted to have sex with him...and I knew I wanted him to give me his raw dick. He'd always been able to read my mind --- maybe he could now. "Andy...I..." "Shh. I know. Let's go to my bed. I should probably take a shower first." "Not now. Please?" "As you wish, Tommy." We both got entirely naked and wrestled around on top of his comforter. It was heaven. There was so much I wanted to do with him and so much I wanted him to do with me, but I was too afraid to make the first move. I think he knew that. How could he read my mind so easily? He got over me and positioned his big dick right over my face. I wasted no time. I took as much as I could..and a little more. He liked it. He did some push-ups on my face. A poz cock was going in and out of my mouth, but it belonged to a man I loved. "OK. I need you to know that I love having my ass licked. I like it almost as much as I like fucking. Can you do it for me, please?" "Sit down." He plopped his butt on top of my face and sat down hard. I wasn't sure how to go from here. I just stuck my tongue in his hole. Everything was new. I must have done a good job because he moaned and started sliding u and down my face with the heels of his feet dug into the side of my head. Funny how his asshole tasted like mowed grass too. I just wanted to please him. My Andy. He was starting to sweat more. "You've done it now, neighbor. I'm going to have to fuck you." He was reading my mind again. I could breathe again. "Yes. I want this." He was working his dick furiously. "I'll try to make it quick. You're not ready for a long session. Just hold on as best you can." I was talking to him with my mind. Yes, I want you. I want your cum and all the things in it. He lifted my legs up and rested my ankles on his shoulders. It was happening. He pressed that fat head against my ass. I was ready. He got in and I yelled. Loud. It felt like he was breaking me. He put a wide hand over my mouth. It smelled like grass too. He didn't stop, just kept going in harder and deeper. I can't say it felt good, physically. But my mind loved it. He was becoming a part of me now. He knew what I was thinking and quickened his pace. And came. In me. Naked as the day he was born. I held him so tight. So tight. His dirty sperm was now tainting my system. It would be OK. I spent the night in his bed. Cum and blood were everywhere. It was fine. I had unworried dreams. I guess I was in the club now. Now we're a couple. Dating and calling ourselves 'boyfriends'. We are bonded so tightly. I tried to get him to teach me his mind-reading abilities, but he claims it only works on me. I tested HIV+ a few months later. I went on meds and so did Andy. I have no idea what happened to the club. I guess we got each other banned from that group. Gay marriage is legal now and I wanted to propose to him, but of course he beat me to the punch. I'm wearing the ring now as I type this.
  14. In Brookside area. We should breed each other soon.

     

    1. Show previous comments  4 more
    2. Toon

      Toon

      Yeah. I want that. 

    3. 123tommy

      123tommy

      check your email

    4. Toon

      Toon

      Describe yourself a little...so I can have a fantasy.large.unnamed.jpg.33b6f619f804b61950eafa3b641e4ffc.jpg

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