I think this could be it...

[concerned1]

After 4 years of random anon bb fucking as a total top (uncut) - I think I may have finally got the inevitable news that in my gut I have always known would at some point come: that I am poz.

One of my former regular fuck buddies texted me today (not heard from him in a little while) and this is the conversation:

Him: Hi. Need to ask you something, text me when you're free.

Me: Hey

Him: How you doing?

Me: I've been worse lol 

Him: Also, I know this seems a random question, but what's your HIV status?

Me: Negative! x

Him: Ok cool. 

 

The conversation then went on to normal things, just general catching up with each other. He then made no other reference to the question he asked me about HIV status. I was too afraid to ask why he had asked me that. I'm thinking two things are most likely:

1) He's just tested poz and is trying to determine who he caught the virus from...if it might be me.

2) He's just tested neg, and wants to see if I am poz and if he happens to have "got away with it" so-to-speak (we used to fuck raw together).

 

I have wondered if it was the first option, he wouldn't have just left the conversation after I said I was negative (which is not true... I mean it could be true, I may be neg, but I don't actually know what my status is and have long suspected that as an uncut top who has barebacked a hundred to a couple hundred times, that I am most likely poz). But I just feel if he had just received a poz diagnosis that he would have come across as more distraught or would have seemed "different" at least. But he didn't seem different in the conversation which followed. When we were speaking it was like nothing was wrong, I know how he usually come across when we speak even by text, and if something was bothering him then I would have thought it would show in some way. But it didn't seem to.

Or, perhaps, is it possible that he is going to get tested and wants to know what to expect? We did speak about sex at some point in the conversation and when I asked him about any fun he's had recently, he said he has only been with one guy since me (we last fucked a couple months ago). 

I am far too afraid to ask why he asked me this, and feel sick to my stomach. This happened this morning and has been on my mind ever since. Thoughts, anyone?

Edited February 12, 2018 by concerned1

[Guest]

I topped raw for over 10 years before slowly then totally becoming vers.  I know for a fact I fucked plenty of poz guys, but I stayed neg.  I have a good friend who's a total top and been fucking raw since the 80s - lots of poz guys of course over the years and still neg.  Another FWB did just start PrEP last month after playing roulette long enough as a bb top.  I know it happens, but your chances are pretty slim as a top.  Your bottom bud might just want to know - a little late to ask, but still want to know what risk he's been taking....maybe even getting off on it.  Can tell it's bothering you so go get the test.  If it's been a while you prob need those stis checked anyway!!

[concerned1]

Thank you, @justsexnowatl You have replied to me in threads before and seem to know your stuff - more than the average layperson, anyway.

[6811283]

There's really no point to all this speculation, @concerned1. You're only going to make yourself sick with worry. Just go get tested. It might be scary, but it is far better to know the truth. If you're negative, you can consider going on PrEP. And if you're positive (which is possible but relatively unlikely if you've been exclusively top), you have the option of going on treatment immediately. That will minimize any long-term damage to your health, and will mean 0% chance of infecting your future partners. Either way it's a win-win.

[Guest FriendlyBottom]

I completely agree with 6811283 -- Just go get tested.

You're afraid and feel sick to your stomach because a guy you fucked bare in the past sent you a text today to inquire about your HIV status.  Obviously, you're disconcerting feelings are tied to the "what if's" and "why's" triggered by this text message exchange.  Knowledge is power.  Go get tested.  You will be glad that you did.