Tops staying hard in the heat of the moment

[TxGeek]

Hey all. I was wondering if anyone had thoughts on resolving difficulties staying hard when it comes time to 'perform'. When I'm by myself I have no problems keeping it up. However, when the opportunity arises to fuck someone it doesn't always work out on my side. Even the other night with an old fuck-bud I've had fun with off and on for years I was having trouble. (and I absolutely love hearing him moan like a bitch when he gets fucked.)

Best thing I can figure is that its anxiety related as its more difficult for me to stay hard with anon fucks (and it has been a while since I've been with my fuck-bud). What are some tips/tricks ya'll have (if any)?

For example, I was wondering how effective the various herbal supplements are (whether it be Enzyte or simple Goats Weed). I think I saw somewhere they have more of a placebo effect than real effect, which might be enough for me; I dunno. Anyhow... I'll shut up now.

[jcklvrga]

i'd skip the herbals and go straight to the stuff that really works better, viagra, cialis, or levitra. for me i keep it up better with anon, than with someone i know. I have always been a bottom, but lately have started topping.... I totally relate to what you are saying, have experienced some of the same. For me viagra works the best.

[Jakelc]

If my top has problems staying hard I prefer to let him pull out and then slowly relax him again, sucking his nipples and stroking his cock then licking my way down to suck his cock and play with his balls. It usually works and I get my reward of being fucked and bred. If all else fails then there's always Viagra.

[wood]

Its almost certainly mental. Viagra and stuff like that can still help. In general if a man has no issues getting it up on their own, even at night its a mental block. It could be completely subconscious, but your mind goes somewhere else and causes the issue. Some doctors will do a simple test where a guy wears a paper ring around their cock at night, if its ripped in the morning, its not physical ED, because almost all men get erections at night.

[bearbandit]

Also worth checking for diabetes: it gradually destroys the nerve that stimulates an erection, which was pharma's excuse to market viagra. The records show I've had diabetes for seven years, my intuition is ten years (I'm also HIV+ and had the early versions/doses of many HIV drugs which have been shown to promote diabetes). Most guys wake up with a hardon - I can't remember the last time I did. Also viagra is a sod to get right: it depends on your HIV drugs what dose you take and too much ain't fun)

[jcklvrga]

Also not getting erections in the mornings much or at night as you sleep can be a sign if low testosterone levels.. that was my situation a few years ago. Easy to treat that .

[bearbandit]

I wish it were that simple for me... last testosterone came in at 23, where 25 is considered the high end of normal.

[slowfuck]

TxGeek, I think as you do that it's likely to be your mind getting in the way. As soon as your mind goes into alert mode from relaxed mode to check the state of your erection you are likely lose it. It's difficult to disengage the brain but use the mindfulness techniques to disengage alert mode and quiet the mind. Breathing in and out slowly and deliberately and focussing your attention on the sensation of the air passing in and out of your nostrils is good and not disruptive to try. Doing that and relaxing back into the sensations of playing with your partners skin at the same time should perk things up again if you're with someone you fancy and doing things you find hot. That's the basis of Jakelc's exemplary care of a top who has lost it. He's relaxing him and bringing him back to horniness showing him he doesn't need to worry - that it's ok. The principle is that the brain can only pay attention to two things at the same time so you block out the non-horny erection-killing thoughts.

With anons you are likely to have mixed success purely down to the level of attraction being different and being alert to any danger signs, whereas with fuckbuds, you're more relaxed. For others it works the other way - maybe they don't worry about what anons might think of them and their performance, whereas maybe with fuckbuds they do and that subconscious worry gets in the way. We're all different.

I use Levitra to help keep it up too. They work by stopping you losing the erection - rather that giving you the erection in the first place. You have to be horny to begin with. Some herbals can work too. Chinese herbal 'Dragon Light' works like a dream for me too.b

Just some personal experience from tackling the problem myself. I hope it helps.