Why Bother Trying

[CumAddictedFag]

For more the couple years, I've working at trying to stay  Clean from Crystal Meth. I did so on premise  that Life was going to better. So I did what they said to. I dropped a whole bunch friends, connections a whole life I wasn't going to  need anymore. But better hasn't got here, not even close! I'm done!  I should have been happy with what I had. I'm not even remotely happy!  This hopefully will be my last rant on this subject.

I'm coming down today. I having a good day. But damnit I refuse to drink their kool-aid. I've been around to long, I don't want to go totally back where I was before. But I'm going to start using again. My friends that have succeed had 1thing I didn't, and that was something to go back to. I don't have that kind of life. I was born out of bars and drugs and all that kind stuff. I was a dealer of something. I had a life I built for. I'm not equipped to be as old as I am. The people I went to high school are waiting on grandchildren. I have concept of that. 

 

I am  just trying to muddle through life, and not injure  anybody else on my way through.