Advise with work “outer”

[Guest BritBottom]

All the advice here seems generally sensible, obviously we have no idea what sort of company it is and what their (managemt/owners) views on the subject might be.  Your situation in terms of being outed is clearly of concern and I can see that you might have reservations about how to deal with the problem given your concerns.

I noted that you said: "Another coworker tried to complain about his gossiping and he totally flipped it around to a victim role" but you don't specify what the company did about the complaint or how it was framed.  The inference in your post suggests the effect is widespread and, if so, it may be that framing a group complaint on the basis of the effect of office morale,  the effect he has on the effect productivity and creating general distrust in the workforce may find favour, espcially if you can gather evidence of his activities in support.

On the basis of what you have said I cannot understand how he was able to argue he was victim, perhaps you miight reverse the roles - all ignore and deprive him of the attention he is clearly seeking.  You could quietly note his activities and see if you can cause him the same discomfort or simply spread the fact that he is a deranged 'shit stirrer' (which he clearly is).

Sorry, probably not much help but best I can suggest.  Hope it works out for you.

 

[Pumpndump]

Sometimes you just have to go old school,  he needs a beating !

[bbzh]

I know OP you said you didn't want to come out of the closet, but if you did, this guy would have nothing to hold over you. When people think you are ashamed of your sexuality, they can weaponize it. 

I'm not entirely comfortable with the idea of going to HR. You never know how HR and the upper management will respond to these types of complaints. It may fall on deaf ears and you could end up being labelled the troublemaker. Since I don't know the organizational set-up, I don't know whether it's an option to talk to this guy's line manager first before going to HR. I would, however, not go to HR just because I don't like a person's conduct. That person's conduct would have to be directly interfering with me and my ability to do my job. 

I like the point in an earlier post about blocking the offender on all apps. Unfortunately, gossiping is not illegal or there would be court cases all over the place. When I read your post imagining this story involved straight people, I felt slightly differently about it. This situation sucks, but there are always going to be people at work doing uncool and offensive shit. I just steer clear of those people to the extent that I can. And I always ask myself why am I giving this person so much power over me and allowing them to occupy so much space in my head?

[BlackDude]

I would like to thank you all for your advice. It appears, has taken care of my little friend at work. He was denied his promotion  by his management and does not look like he will ever be getting one. He was given one reason, but it is pretty much understood why he did not get it: because he is a serial gossiper and extremely messy. 

 

On the other hand I will never be coming out at work. I refuse to be judged and have to explain what goes on to my bedroom to a bunch of people with multiple baby daddies and baby mamas, bastard children, sexless/loveless relationships, cheaters , and sham marriages.