Pretty confused....

[Sergay]

For the longest time I thought that the idea of bareback sex sounds really sexy, the appeal of having guys just blow their load in my ass sounds really good, thinking how guys can just nail me to the bed and breed me gets me excited but there's a problem. The problem is that it only gets me excited in the fantasy realm, like I can jack off to my imagination of me getting used like a slut but when I have sex irl I can't get horny, really hardcore porno (with poz and cummy pigs and all that good stuff) doesn't excite me just by looking at it. I think that visually my brain just can't process it but when I give it a context, a meaning then yeah I can get hard. For example I watched a pig get bred and bred and on but the stuff that got me going was just thinking how every guy is just using him like a slut, cummy hole that they can fuck, breed, rape, piss in, how the pigs feels which would be like a cock whore just letting anyone abuse him (and yes while writing that I got a erection, not while I watched earlier some sluts getting bred).

So in short, I can only get aroused by thoughts of bareback sex and I don't get aroused by it irl, only times I did was when I started thinking of myself that I am a slut taking raw cock in ass.

any idea what the hell is wrong? Maybe I just got my brain so used to that it cannot fucking process irl sex xD and yeah I had fantasies like that since I was 13, two first of them where about just a random black guy raping  a white dude and other was about two of my classmates where the bigger bully one fucked the one really hairy guy. (I defintelly love hairy guys xd)
 

[Guest JackEdJIZZ]

I will try to use an old cartoon analogy.   In many cartoons, a character was depicted with an Angel on one shoulder and a Devil on the other.   Each of those two influences would battle to control the cartoon character.

I might suggest that is what is going on with you.   For years you have been given messages of safe, responsible and probably even NON-Gay sex.   Those supposedly GOOD "angels" have had more time and are more prevalent and are likely controlling your behavior.    The "bad" influences---unrestricted raw sex thoughts and not as developed and are easily over shadowed by other thoughts.

I think anyone who has elected to bareback and certainly many who have accepted their place in the LGBTQ spectrum can share what you feel.   And it is not all bad.   Anyone wo makes a conscience decision to live in a non-mainstream manner faces consequences.   The can be serious or mild, but there are consequences.   Your internal battle is perhaps your reasoning in respect to what happens if you DO ACCEPT the "bad" influences.   Nothing wrong with wanting to be certain.

One other thing that I believe is that the brain is indeed the largest sex organ.   Your thoughts are in many ways yours alone.   You know what excites you and you can alter your thoughts to provide the most satisfaction.   Not all of us can find more common images, references and PORN that align with out mental pictures.   

I believe that is why enhancements are so common in our communities.    Use of a substance to shrink the "good" images allows the "bad" images to be more powerful.   

You are asking the right question...why is there a disconnect.   There are ways to move beyond your present state, this site describes many.     Getting more active with gay guys in non-sex situations helps you recognize how natural it is.    You likely will not have a eureka moment, but with some focused effort, you too can be a slut like so many of us.   But few of us started that way.

[bocini]

Like to say to jackedjizz that is some of the best advice i have read. 

Especially getting around other gays.  I know when ever i have issues on anything in my life. I have to solve it with gay mens opinions. As well straights and not thats anything wrong with being straight.  Just approach the world differently.

It took me a couple situations to fully appreciate that.

[viking8x6]

Sounds to me like you have trained your brain to respond to "abuse" and "degradation" the way they are portrayed in porn. If you want to enjoy sex RT (which it sound like you do), you have two options: Seek out that kind of sex, or re-train your brain to respond to something different. There is plenty of material on this site about how to do the first. For the second, I would talk to a therapist or other behavioral health professional.