Toxic Relationships

[Guest DetroitAnon]

I’ve been with at least, I’m guessing, 2000 men in the 32 years I’ve been sexually active.  The overwhelming majority of which were in the past 22 years.   The 1st 10 years, from 1998 to 2008, I was involved in an extremely toxic relationship with a bisexual man (although he stated he was straight and just fucked around with guys to get off).   
 

I met him from a newspaper personal ad in January 1988.  I was 21, he was 24.  He was a Black man with the most beautiful silky dark skin I’ve ever seen and touched in my life.   His body was very muscular with the body of a pro football running back. The first time we were together, we ended up in a motel room and I rode him bareback.   This was the first time I ever got fucked.  I had skills I didn’t know I had, and he was amazed how good I was and how good I felt.

 

What I thought would be a one-night stand, continued on.   As I learned more about him, I learned he had a girlfriend (with several women on the side he consistently fucked).   He would claim he was straight.  Men were just to get off in between pussy.    However, I turned out to be the one guy he couldn’t stop fucking.   I accepted his girlfriend without getting very jealous.  As long as his other fucks were women, I was fine.  I just didn’t want him fucking other men.   
 

In 1989, he got engaged to his girlfriend (he had little money, and yep, I bought her wedding ring).   He said when he got married, he would have to stop fucking me.  He consistently reminded me that his now wife, was the best sex he’s ever had.   He said it so much, it was obvious he was trying to convince himself more than me.   He said from the time he got married, he could be friends only, but we always ended up fucking.   That’s when the relationship started to become really toxic.   He couldn’t deal with that he wanted me more than his wife.  
 

Why did he want me so bad?  Our sexual chemistry was on point.  Not only did I ride him better than his bitches, but I also found his sweet spots.  He had big sensitive balls and the most beautiful bubble ass.  I lapped his balls and ate his ass like no other before or after me.   Every sexual act with him I perfected and always threw more tricks in to make sure he knew the only person he could get total satisfaction from was me.   He resented and hated me for it, but he also had feelings for me and resented me for those feelings as well.   
 

He started to sleep with more men, always finding the hottest guys out there to flaunt that he was with hotter guys than me.   This was his mental abuse.   It made me insecure, and he started to mind-fuck me.   I started to support his lifestyle since he continued to inconsistently make his own way.   But his verbal abuse of me came from his own self-loathing.   During the 10 years, all the men were fleeting, but for the 50 times he said it was over, there were 50 times we would start fucking again.   It was an endless cycle.  
 

At times when he felt guilty or maybe trying to manipulate me again, he said the only two people he fucked over the most were the only two people that mattered to him the most...his wife and me.    While I was tortured by the number of men he slept with over those 10 years (I estimate 20 - 25 guys), he wronged his wife even more, sleeping with what I estimate was at least 75 - 100 other women during that time.   Over time, she began to suspect him of fuckin other women and even fuckin me.
 

I do have to admit that he was a sex God.   Rarely did anyone say no to him   Most of the time, they threw theirselves at him.    I couldn’t be around him without wanting sex.   So whenever I knew he was having sex with someone else, especially with another man, I needed my revenge fuck, so within a few years into the relationship, I started to frequent the bathhouse conveniently located on the way home. 
 

So while he fucked 20-25 men during those 10 years, I got fucked by well over 100.  Even though he mind-fucked me, I took great satisfaction with him thinking I was monogamous with him, all the while getting a lot of dick on the side.   With all his abuse and making me feel inadequate, I needed reassurance I was desired by other men, and had sex with plenty of hot men both at the bath house and adult book stores.  
 

For 10 years we carried on until I was tired of being broke all the time, and tired of his mental abuse.  In 1998, I suffered a nervous breakdown after 10 years of on/off, I love you/ I despise you, I need your sex, sex with you repulses me.   We got together a few times after that, but that was it.  
 

In 2004, I contracted HIV.  When we connected by phone he was heartbroken by it.   After our first encounter in 1998, we were safe 99% of the time   He was terrified becoming poz as a straight man who fucks guys on the side   He was the original DL before the phrase came about.   Ironically, after I became poz in 2004, he was willing to fuck me, and I think with me educating him I was undetectable and he couldn’t catch it, he would even have fucked me raw.   But by then, I was already a cum dump and while I still desired him more than any other man, I got enough sex to push him to the back of my mind. We never had sex again. 
 

He was the total alpha male.  I fantasized about us being monogamous and married.   In the end, even I could not have been monogamous.   I was just as hyper-sexual as him, and would have eventually sough out dick on the side.

 

Around 2004 when we only spoke by phone, my pent up anger toward him and newly found acceptance and confidence, I told him the truth what I thought of him as a person.  The way he abused his wife,me, and how he neglected his kids.   I was very honest with him, at which point I told him how naive he actually was thinking that he had 100% control over me.   He was shocked to find out I slept with over 100 men during our time together.    He even actually accepted most of the things I said about him. 
 

Today in 2020, I see from Facebook he remarried a woman much younger.   I believe in his most recent years, he still has other women on the side and the occasional sex with a guy.  I also 100% know, I could call him today, and within the next few days we’d be fucking on the regular again    In the end, I now have more control over him.   He still wants those balls licked like I only did, his ass ate the way I only did, the best ass he knows he’s ever got, with the best rides of his life.   I could have him anytime I want, but the toxicity would still be there.   Just knowing I have all the power now is enough for me.  
 

He was my first and only love.   Now I prefer anon sex without the baggage.  I have a gay best friend, we do everything together except for sex   So I have my non sexual companion BFF of the past 21 years, and all the sex I want at the bathhouse.   I love my life now.  

 

Edited March 10, 2020 by DetroitAnon

[1000GUYS]

❤️ lovely words ❤️