Journey from safe to bareback to possible cumdump?

[Aquenon]

It’s been a hell of a trip for me.  Growing up in the 80’s, HIV was a nightmare.  I was also 27 before I accepted I was gay and came out in the mid-late 90’s.   But even accepting myself, I was still deathly afraid of HIV.  That didn’t change until I met one of my best friends.  He had it, and at the time, his numbers were getting close to the AIDS threshold.  Happily, with current meds, he’s back up.  But getting to know him really changed my view of it.  I went from terrified of it to not scared of it, though I still only played safe.

Which for me meant little sex, because even being bottom, they hurt.  It took years, but I finally decided to go only bareback 4 or 5 years ago.  I’m 51 now.  And this year has been rough, and I’m waiting for my second Covid shot to be full strength.  Can’t wait.

How many of you have similar stories yet also have this fantasy of being a cum dump?  Here around Charlotte there’s no clubs that I’ve ever heard of, but there is a part of me that would love to lock myself into a sling or on a bench and take as many loads as possible.   Is this just a natural progression?  Those who have done it, what was it that finally made you take the plunge?

Edited April 16, 2021 by Aquenon

[LetsPOZBreed]

My fear of HIV (or lack thereof) came from the fact that I met someone who was poz rather early on in my gay life.  It wasn't a sexual thing between us, but it really showed me in the flesh that HIV wasn't the death sentence that the news portrayed.  Granted, this was the mid- to late-90s, and treatments aren't what they are today, but my friend has been living his life to the fullest...(and still is!)

It didn't make me want to rush out and start barebacking, though.  My first time BB was after a night out at the club; guy took me home and he fucked me raw.  It felt FUCKING AMAZING!  But I didn't want the risk; we had never discussed status, so I was panicked for a little while afterwards until getting tested.  I found out that bottoming raw was the only way I could truly enjoy it, but wasn't willing to accept the risk.  I became a near total top for a few years.  Not until a regular playmate a few years later did the topic get broached again, and I let him due to the fact that I trusted him.  

Can't really say what made me decide to go raw all the time, but was shortly after that.  I knew, and accepted the risks, and it actually took surprisingly long afterwards until I actually converted.