To be or not to be...

[iwantbigloads]

To be or not to be a (cheating) cum dump. 

I am in my early 30's and I have recently found myself in a relationship with someone who I met on grindr. I met him at a time in my life where I was just starting to get comfortable hooking up promiscuously with others and taking loads more often. However we hit it off immediately after the first night and became "exclusive" after a while. We currently have a pretty decent relationship, however there's a problem that I have.  

The sex at first was very hot and very frequent. Yet as of lately, it has pretty much dried up, other than the occasional session that I almost always initiate. And most of the time when I do try to initiate it, he's not in the mood. I know he's not cheating on me, and quite frankly if he was I'd be pretty turned on and I've expressed that to him before that he's welcome to hook up with others. However he's not interested in that currently, or any sexual encounter for that matter. And he's been clear that he is monogamous and doesn't want me to hook up with other people. I've joked with him before that if he doesn't give me sex that I'm gonna go find it with someone else but he doesn't seem to understand that I'm kinda serious.

He's out of town right now as he goes on work trips often. I've been on grindr looking for hookups and I'm torn on what I'm gonna do. 

A huge part of me wants to go be a cheating slut and go let someone breed me like I'm seriously craving and missing, but I'm also rational enough to know that it's technically wrong in multiple ways in terms of a committed relationship. 

Part of me thinks that I should just live my life and do what I want and what makes me happy, which in this case would be to go get my hole filled up with warm cum. I hadn't regretted any loads I had taken prior to meeting him, in fact I am happy with myself for having the courage to fulfill that desire in the past. But with him in the picture now, should I give up that primal desire just on the possibility that he might find out, and give up these opportunities while I'm still kinda young? Or do I give in to my urges to secretly get my hole sloppily filled with cum by someone else? 

[BootmanLA]

Here's the question: you say you have a "pretty decent relationship", but there's not a lot of detail in that. Do you see yourself wanting something long-term (like, years and years) with this guy? You say you "recently found yourself in a relationship" - but you're not acknowledging your agency in this at all.

And you're offering him (in a way he doesn't seem to grasp is an actual offer) two choices: either have more sex with me, or I'm going to cheat. Given that you're not getting remotely enough sex for what you want in a relationship, why not tell him there's Door #3, which is breaking up so you can each find someone more suited to what you're looking for? Early 30's is not too old by any stretch of the imagination to find a new partner whose libido is going to align with yours (or who will give you the freedom to align other people's libidos with yours).

Cheating is sometimes - but not often - the best option for staying sane in a relationship. But it's much more likely to be the best option when the relationship has been there for years, especially if disentangling the relationship (children, jointly owned/leased property, etc.) would be a major headache. This one is way too "new" a relationship to jump to that kind of calculus. End it - or at least tell him, you're out the door if either more regular sex or opening things up doesn't happen.