Advice for handling a timid top

[Newbottom2112]

First, to be clear. I believe it's the job of a true bottom to be the reief and focus of his tops pleasure. I dote on my top. Where and how he chooses to cum is 100% up to him. My orgasm isn't important to me and is his choice.

Having said this, my top, my bf is very timid in bed. He takes my moaning for pain. He believes making love should be slow and tender. He never will just pound me roughly 

I have tried talking with him about this. My desire to sometimes get a good hard fucking. He's tried on a number occasions,  but ha always backs off and ends up slowing things down 

It's caused a few disagreements. With him pointing out that I'm there for his pleasure. Which I agree with. And he also says he feels like he would hurt me if he let loose.

How do I unleash the animal in him?

 

[phillygwm]

How long have you been together?  Speaking firsthand, for someone who is used to "traditional/romantic" relationships, the idea of treating someone like the hole they are is a foreign concept.  Especially if he wants to cuddle afterward 🤣  And it may be baby steps.  

So what to do?  YOU'RE going to have to take charge, at least until he gets comfortable.  Be verbal with him.  Tell him you want to be treated like a cheap whore while he's fucking you.  I realize that's diametrically opposed to what you want (i.e. you don't matter; it's all about him.)  But he's way out of his comfort zone so you need to condition him to believe that you really want it and he isn't going to hurt you.  And if he thinks your moans are pain, then don't moan. 

And remember, top does NOT equal dom.  So if it's going to work, you'll probably have to compromise since he's not a natural dom and may not enjoy treating you like a Fleshlight.  So you'll occasionally need to kiss and cuddle as the tradeoff.

Edited January 13 by phillygwm

[Newbottom2112]

1 hour ago, phillygwm said:

How long have you been together?  Speaking firsthand, for someone who is used to "traditional/romantic" relationships, the idea of treating someone like the hole they are is a foreign concept.  Especially if he wants to cuddle afterward 🤣  And it may be baby steps.  

So what to do?  YOU'RE going to have to take charge, at least until he gets comfortable.  Be verbal with him.  Tell him you want to be treated like a cheap whore while he's fucking you.  I realize that's diametrically opposed to what you want (i.e. you don't matter; it's all about him.)  But he's way out of his comfort zone so you need to condition him to believe that you really want it and he isn't going to hurt you.  And if he thinks your moans are pain, then don't moan. ...

Thank you for the great advice.

We've been together for over a year. He's very dominant in his professional and social life. That's what drew me to him. 

I communicated to him that it wasn't something that I wanted all of the time. I even suggested role playing. Outside of the bedroom, he is the dominant partner. Even those close to us see that. 

There's just something about our sex life that brings out this overly sensitive or protective side of him.

 

1 hour ago, phillygwm said:

 

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Edited January 13 by Newbottom2112
Grammar

[Close2MyBro]

2 hours ago, Newbottom2112 said:

First, to be clear. I believe it's the job of a true bottom to be the reief and focus of his tops pleasure. I dote on my top. Where and how he chooses to cum is 100% up to him. My orgasm isn't important to me and is his choice.

Having said this, my top, my bf is very timid in bed. He takes my moaning for pain. He believes making love should be slow and tender. He never will just pound me roughly 

I have tried talking with him about this. My desire to sometimes get a good hard fucking. He's tried on a number occasions,  but ha always backs off and ends up slowing things down 

It's caused a few disagreements. With him pointing out that I'm there for his pleasure. Which I agree with. And he also says he feels like he would hurt me if he let loose.

How do I unleash the animal in him?

 

Some people aren't good at switching modes from fucking a whore to loving and supporting their partner. He may just be one of those people.

[Olderkinkybiguy]

There could be many reasons for his reluctance to use you like you want to be used. I consider myself a Dominant top for the most part, but I also realize that the needs of my bottom can often be as important as my own. Granted your role is to provide your Dom with pleasure, but he has a responsibility to also give you what you need, at least occasionally. 
 

you mentioned he is more of a Dominant in his everyday life. It’s been my experience with men like that they typically need to shift gears when they get home. Some of my submissive were bosses in their everyday life and needed to take a break from making all the decisions and needed to give up control. 
 

if you have voiced your desires and he hasn’t been willing to address them, than you might need to become a “power bottom” if you can. Relationships can be difficult when one, or both partners, aren’t getting what they need. Hopefully you can work through this. 
 

good luck!

[Throattopman]

Is he up for three-ways? If you could find a top that uses you the way you need to be used, he might find himself turned on ... or he might get protective and feel like you're being hurt. Worth a try.

[TallAussieBtm]

Suck that cock down deep inside your arse. Pull him in around his butt. While he's fucking you, grab his butt cheeks and give them a nudge to slam in harder. Follow his rhythm to give each thrust an extra push.

Try riding him while he's on his back. Grab his shoulders and slam that butt down hard, grinding into his pubes and nuts.

Sometimes you just gotta take charge! 🤪

[cockfun69]

You don't say how experienced you both are with sex or relationships. You sound like you could take some more. He sounds like he could give more. There must be reasons he says about hurting you, which could me mental as well as physical. Do you have any notion of his previous experiences which maybe soured? You also don't say how you met - cruising or flirting online? Maybe try a night away or different location to spice things up. Or some sleazy porn to help out?  I find most sex with a bf is more tender than porn-style which isn't to say boring. But do need sparks sometimes as well!