"Being mean or telling the truth is indistinguishable to far too many people." - Mike Thompson on X

[nanana]

What are your thoughts about this quote. Does it resonate? Does it repel? Does it partly resonate and partly repel? Is truth “nice”? Is “nice” truth?

[Falls727]

That’s a great point and it is ultimately based upon perspective of the recipient. Sometimes the truth is a hard to accept, but is necessary. As a nurse, I am often called upon to provide the truth. Sometimes it is necessary to save a life from a string of negative habits, other times it is to deliver positive test results and allay fears. Both are truths will ultimately save a life, but one is a harder pill to swallow (pardon the pun). 

[Rillion]

You can tell the truth without being mean about. 

Both of these can be true statements:

 

"Wow, you are fat!"

"It would be better for your health if you lost some weight."

 

Is one nicer and one meaner? Are they both mean? 

[SomewhereonNeptune]

On 4/28/2025 at 11:00 PM, nanana said:

What are your thoughts about this quote. Does it resonate? Does it repel? Does it partly resonate and partly repel? Is truth “nice”? Is “nice” truth?

Unfortunate, but apropos. We've raised an entire generation of people who cannot accept criticism and are precious little snowflakes who've never heard honesty, brutal as it may seem, in their lives. 

I'll qualify my perspective: I'm Gen X. We came of age in a recession, were criticized for being slackers when we weren't, and we didn't have helicopter parents (ours made us play outside with other kids, meaning that you generally had to be physical). We'd argue with our mates, say unkind words and insults, then run along and do something else as if nothing happened, so we had a thicker skin. 

I recall being a manager and hiring my first millennial. He could not accept critiques of his work from a boss, no matter how truthful or constructively phrased, and only wanted to cherry-pick the work he liked. In short, he sucked. And I had to put him on a performance plan before eventually sacking him. I tried the nice approach, and also asked him whether the blunt and meaner approach did more to drive the message. He preferred neither and honestly just wanted to be told how great he was, so for him I could have called him lazy, unprofessional, and lacking any drive -- and I did -- and it didn't matter.  I didn't have to work with Gen Z'ers, so cannot comment on that.

1 hour ago, Rillion said:

You can tell the truth without being mean about. 

Is one nicer and one meaner? Are they both mean? 

See my above: For many, you can try either and it'll make no difference because it isn't something they want to hear. In managing people, I've often had to be direct and constructive, and they still didn't want to hear it. Logical arguments? Ha! You can forget those, they're no different in their view, and I've had people resort to just lobbing insults your way (for instance, "You're racist" when race was never at issue) versus being able to politely disagree or concede an argument. So for them, you could put lipstick on it and drown it in perfume, but they'll still interpret your intentions as 'mean'. I can't control how someone else accepts feedback.

In my view, one is 'constructive' and one is just 'harsh with little redeeming value besides being candid'. It's not about being 'nice'. I'll relate a quick story: I once interviewed with a Hedge Fund (won't say which) where people were very direct and blunt with criticisms. If someone criticized your work, they had to be specific in examples although it could be painful. If they just said "you suck", you could easily respond with "Well that doesn't give me anything actionable, so until you can make your argument, fuck off." One was constructive, one was insulting without actionable guidance. I'll debate the constructive one if you can cite proper arguments to substantiate your point all day, everyday.