"Being mean or telling the truth is indistinguishable to far too many people." - Mike Thompson on X

[nanana]

What are your thoughts about this quote. Does it resonate? Does it repel? Does it partly resonate and partly repel? Is truth “nice”? Is “nice” truth?

[Falls727]

That’s a great point and it is ultimately based upon perspective of the recipient. Sometimes the truth is a hard to accept, but is necessary. As a nurse, I am often called upon to provide the truth. Sometimes it is necessary to save a life from a string of negative habits, other times it is to deliver positive test results and allay fears. Both are truths will ultimately save a life, but one is a harder pill to swallow (pardon the pun). 

[Rillion]

You can tell the truth without being mean about. 

Both of these can be true statements:

 

"Wow, you are fat!"

"It would be better for your health if you lost some weight."

 

Is one nicer and one meaner? Are they both mean? 

[SomewhereonNeptune]

On 4/28/2025 at 11:00 PM, nanana said:

What are your thoughts about this quote. Does it resonate? Does it repel? Does it partly resonate and partly repel? Is truth “nice”? Is “nice” truth?

Unfortunate, but apropos. We've raised an entire generation of people who cannot accept criticism and are precious little snowflakes who've never heard honesty, brutal as it may seem, in their lives. 

I'll qualify my perspective: I'm Gen X. We came of age in a recession, were criticized for being slackers when we weren't, and we didn't have helicopter parents (ours made us play outside with other kids, meaning that you generally had to be physical). We'd argue with our mates, say unkind words and insults, then run along and do something else as if nothing happened, so we had a thicker skin. 

I recall being a manager and hiring my first millennial. He could not accept critiques of his work from a boss, no matter how truthful or constructively phrased, and only wanted to cherry-pick the work he liked. In short, he sucked. And I had to put him on a performance plan before eventually sacking him. I tried the nice approach, and also asked him whether the blunt and meaner approach did more to drive the message. He preferred neither and honestly just wanted to be told how great he was, so for him I could have called him lazy, unprofessional, and lacking any drive -- and I did -- and it didn't matter.  I didn't have to work with Gen Z'ers, so cannot comment on that.

1 hour ago, Rillion said:

You can tell the truth without being mean about. 

Is one nicer and one meaner? Are they both mean? 

See my above: For many, you can try either and it'll make no difference because it isn't something they want to hear. In managing people, I've often had to be direct and constructive, and they still didn't want to hear it. Logical arguments? Ha! You can forget those, they're no different in their view, and I've had people resort to just lobbing insults your way (for instance, "You're racist" when race was never at issue) versus being able to politely disagree or concede an argument. So for them, you could put lipstick on it and drown it in perfume, but they'll still interpret your intentions as 'mean'. I can't control how someone else accepts feedback.

In my view, one is 'constructive' and one is just 'harsh with little redeeming value besides being candid'. It's not about being 'nice'. I'll relate a quick story: I once interviewed with a Hedge Fund (won't say which) where people were very direct and blunt with criticisms. If someone criticized your work, they had to be specific in examples although it could be painful. If they just said "you suck", you could easily respond with "Well that doesn't give me anything actionable, so until you can make your argument, fuck off." One was constructive, one was insulting without actionable guidance. I'll debate the constructive one if you can cite proper arguments to substantiate your point all day, everyday.

[nanana]

I’m from the southern part of east coast America. Southerners are less direct than gods own truth than northeasterners (was so excited to meet northeasterners who could both hold truthfulness and love in their hearts). But Southerners who wish to be real have a nice communication technology for saying both truth and expressing compassion: no ed cure worked for him not cialis not viagra not horny goat weed BLESS HIS HEART (the technology part of it being to affix BLESS HIS HEART to the less-than-uplifting insight, taking the word “technology” back to a synchronicity of the invention of the abacus. It was a nice way to express reality and compassion and a wish that we are all in gods hands but a suspicion that god would give some but not all of us handjobs. Before we give up on this site we should fuck an incel. 

[harrysmith25]

I've been "suspended" from this forum for telling  the truth more times than I've eaten McDonalds

[nanana]

@harrysmith25 maybe they will eventually realize what a gift diversity of thought is. In the meantime us twats still risk swimming the waters… 

[Erik62]

TRUTH🤔😵‍💫, how & when can we use it??? "that colour doesn't suit you", today in Australia that is harassment. "I don't like the way that zionism has such a hold on Israeli politics" or "I don't think the killing in Gaza is right", in Australia today I am being anti-semitic or even "??? nationality are hopeless drivers", I am being racist & the examples are limitless. 

  Political correctness, woke, liberalism, far left, whatever terminology you choose to use has to a large degree removed our ability to be honest or to tell THE TRUTH. What we wear, body image, gender, sexuality, skin colour, nationality, financial status, residential location, job status, political beliefs, religion, school attended, even our speech have basically ALL BEEN PROSCIBED as "NO GO" areas for truth telling & being honest, even if our intent is to be helpful / truthful.

  We are after all, in many cases actually asked for the truth. "Be honest", HOW MANY TIMES have we been asked & then found ourselves in a whole heap of sexist, racist, narcissistic, racial or any number of other POLITICALLY IN-CORRECT troubles. In many instances the person involved is perfectly happy with the truth but, a person overhearing the TRUTHFULL comment is offended & goes on to "make a mountain out of a mole hill". 

TRUTH 😱😱😱, be careful, BE VERY CAREFUL!!! as it HAS BECOME a legal minefield. 

Edited 4 hours ago by Erik62

[NicNorth]

I worked in Human Resources and had great problems with managers who were frightened of providing honest constructive feedback when their staff made mistakes.  They would leave things until it was impossible to ignore the fault leaving the employee aggrieved and looking  for other reasons for the later criticism or lack of progression.
 

To blame this lack of honesty on political correctness or on equality of opportunity is a smokescreen for poor management practice or on some occasion poorly drafted/communicated equality procedures.     As for legal minefields I’ve seen cases lost because of this than anything else. 

[SomewhereonNeptune]

3 hours ago, harrysmith25 said:

I've been "suspended" from this forum for telling  the truth more times than I've eaten McDonalds

Join the line forming behind us, mate. There's more than a few people who have lost reputation score (FWIW) because of very candid posts. I'm sure if I keep posting here, I'll end up with so many downvotes that I'll probably be the first who has a reputation score in negative digits. 😂🤣🤣

2 hours ago, Erik62 said:

TRUTH🤔😵‍💫, how & when can we use it??? "that colour doesn't suit you", today in Australia that is harassment. "I don't like the way that zionism has such a hold on Israeli politics" or "I don't think the killing in Gaza is right", in Australia today I am being anti-semitic or even "??? nationality are hopeless drivers", I am being racist & the examples are limitless. 

  Political correctness, woke, liberalism, far left, whatever terminology you choose to use has to a large degree removed our ability to be honest or to tell THE TRUTH. What we wear, body image, gender, sexuality, skin colour, nationality, financial status, residential location, job status, political beliefs, religion, school attended, even our speech have basically ALL BEEN PROSCIBED as "NO GO" areas for truth telling & being honest, even if our intent is to be helpful / truthful.

  We are after all, in many cases actually asked for the truth. "Be honest", HOW MANY TIMES have we been asked & then found ourselves in a whole heap of sexist, racist, narcissistic, racial or any number of other POLITICALLY IN-CORRECT troubles. In many instances the person involved is perfectly happy with the truth but, a person overhearing the TRUTHFULL comment is offended & goes on to "make a mountain out of a mole hill". 

TRUTH 😱😱😱, be careful, BE VERY CAREFUL!!! as it HAS BECOME a legal minefield. 

"Identity politics". In this country (USA), I can cite the same positions taken by our current President and a number of past Presidents where said positions are identical. The sole difference is who is now taking the position, and how hypocritical the stance can be. Now that's a broad brush stroke, but the cutting of wasteful government expenditures has been a cause championed by a number of prior leaders (the Internet is forever, citation is the many videos of Sen. Schumer, Rep Pelosi, Pres. Obama and VP Biden, generally available on Youtube or C-SPAN), but the current administration is suddenly admonished for doing the same thing and using a data centric approach to identify the specific spending. 

Point is that we haven't gotten truthful information from the media for some time, stories are being omitted or not covered, and what we're forced into is a gaslit idea of political correctness, much of which doesn't pass a simple logic test. Case-in-point: The media told us that Joe Biden was as sharp as a knife, only to be shown that was wrong when we saw with our own eyes, and then for those same people to write tell-all books the minute that he was out of office (nothing like lying until you can profit more from the truth).

I'm not counting on Political Correctness or Identity Politics or gaslighting to go away anytime soon. Because those who utter the truth will no doubt be shut down. Like asking your spouse if they look fat in something, only for them to respond "Absolutely!" It might be true, but that's not what they want to hear.

Edited 2 hours ago by SomewhereonNeptune