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Text messages from the landscaper I've received in the past week.

Tuesday

HIM: what r u wearing toddy

ME: Toddy? Who the fuck is Toddy?

HIM: today lol

ME: Jeans. A dress shirt. Boots.

HIM: you dress really well

ME: I never notice what I put on.

(Note: That's a whopper.)

Wednesday

HIM: so what are you wearing today

ME: Who are you, Michael Kors or something?

HIM: what?

ME: You're always asking me what I'm wearing.

HIM: because I like thinking about you taking it off

HIM: does it turn you on knowing that a straight man cant get his mind off you

HIM: ??

ME: Guys don't really do anything for me. (Note: Another whopper.)

HIM: me neither

HIM: except you 4 some reason

Thursday

HIM: promise not 2 ask what youre wearing

HIM: but i bet it looks good

HIM: no answer huh

HIM: so does that mean youve got nothing on? lol

Friday

HIM: sorry if i bugged u yesterday

ME: I had stuff to do in the city.

HIM: how many times did u fuck ur woman this week

ME: Is that really your business, dude?

HIM: i like thinking about where ur dicks been

HIM: i like thinking about ur dick

HIM: is that queer?

ME: That's pretty much what queer is.

Saturday

HIM: so have u ever let a guy suck you off

ME: Are you a cocksucker??

HIM: no no no

HIM: never done it

HIM: like never, 4 real

HIM: yours makes me want to

HIM: hope that doesn't sound sick

ME: Guys don't turn me on the same way that chicks do.

HIM: no i totally get that dude

HIM: kinda guess thats one of the things that makes me want it with u

HIM: just a suggestion

Sunday

HIM: did u think about it?

HIM: i'll give u extra

HIM: it doesnt make us gay if we do it for $$

ME: That's what you think, huh?

HIM: it doesnt

HIM: really

Monday

HIM: $100

HIM: extra

HIM: all u gotta do is kick back and let me

ME: What if I don't get hard for a guy that way?

HIM: so u r interested then

HIM: i got x videos on dvd and a portable player

HIM: i even got some of me and the wife, think that could turn u on

ME: I don't know.

HIM: i like that u only do it for $$

HIM: more manly

Tuesday

HIM: did u think about it?

HIM: its just one dude helpin another out

HIM: and giving him a lil gas money lol

ME: I don't know.

HIM: sounds gay but i gotta taste that dick

HIM: all u gotta type is ok and i will be the happiest dude

HIM: if not i promise 2 leave u alone

ME (several hours later): Ok.

HIM: yippee!

Wednesday

HIM: wait yesterday when u said ok did u mean ok i can suck u or ok i should leave u alone?

HIM: im a confused dude!12316001024335229-8001255135450280907?l=mrsteed64.blogspot.com

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